Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

"It's not a silly little moment 
It's not the storm before the calm 
This is the deep and dyin' breath of 
This love we've been workin' on
Can't seem to hold you like I want to 
So I can feel you in my arms 
Nobody's gonna come and save you 
We pulled too many false alarms
We're goin' down 
And you can see it too 
We're goin' down 
And you know that we're doomed 
My dear 
We're slow dancing in a burnin' room 
I was the one you always dreamed of 
You were the one I tried to draw 
How dare you say it's nothing to me
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw" Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer

Friday night, after I called and made sure Trevor made it to Austin safely, I took full advantage of having the apartment to myself. I picked up a bottle of red wine and ordered spicy lo mien, egg foo young, hot and sour soup, and crab Rangoon (basically things Trevor didn't eat and I didn't order so we could share food.) I pigged out in bed in an oversize t-shirt and fuzzy socks watching Gilmore Girls. Maybe it was my mommy issues, but Gilmore Girls was on of my favorite shows of all time.Trevor couldn't sit through an episode, but I could watch the same ones over and over.

Saturday morning, I snapped a picture of Justine in bed with me. I sent it to Trevor with the text:

Me: You're a much better cuddler {blowing kisses, heart eyes and heart emojis} Good morning.

I cleaned up before taking Justine on a run. I called Rocky to see what she was up to. She told me she had a hair appointment. I told her I needed to speak to her and offered to join her since I had nothing better to do.

I went home, showered and changed before joining her at the hair salon. On the way, Trevor text me back.

Trevor: Good morning.

I imagined him being hungover and barely awake as I put my phone away.

Inside the salon, I saw Rocky flipping through a hair magazine in the lobby. "You aren't planning on dyeing or putting chemicals in your hair right? It can't be safe for the baby."

"Hello to you too." Rocky rolled her eyes. "You don't think I researched that before I came?"

"Just asking..." I said, sitting beside her. "Good morning!"

"What do you want, besides aggravating me?" Rocky said, giving me the side eye.

I grinned. "Two things really. One, you going to Forrest's season opener party?"

Rocky nodded and visible brightened. "Yes. He asked me if I could make the seafood dip. He told me I was welcomed to come too."

Smooth Forrest.

It was my turn to give her the side eye. She ignored me.

"Ok, let's go together." I told her. "Next, can I borrow your phone? I need Ethan's number."

"Why don't you have it?" She pulled out her phone from her purse.

"Must have accidentally deleted it or something." I shrugged, taking the phone from her. I didn't want to reveal how close I was to telling Brandon. I'm so glad I didn't.

I stepped outside and called Ethan about setting up a time to drop off his and EJ's gifts. He and EJ were out but he told me he would call when they made it home. I went back in the shop to find Rocky in a chair, explaining to her stylist that she wanted box braids.

"Braids?" I asked Rocky, surprised. I never seen her wear her hair in any kind of braids.

"They're low maintenance. Between work, cleaning my house, and being pregnant, I'm tired all the time." Rocky complained.

"You need to calm with all the cleaning stuff; I'll help you. Besides tired, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." She waved me off. "Heartburn but luckily I haven't had morning sickness. I'm taking it easy, getting rest. I'll get more rest once I don't have to spend energy on my hair everyday."

"I hear that. It's exhausting." I lamented.

"With your hair, you can go to Wal-Mart and get a hair cut. I have no sympathy for you."

"I would love to get braids too, but you know, the whole cultural appropriation stuff. I have no sympathy for you." I countered.

Anita, her stylist, laughed while Rocky narrowed her eyes at me. "Be quiet."

I smiled at her as a man joined us. "What are we doing to your hair?" He asked me.

"Um, nothing. Just here with a friend." I told him. I really planned on bailing on Rocky to get my nails done and hopeful met up with Ethan.

"She wants something more manageable." Anita chimed in.

"Ok. We can cut it. Around here." He suggested, motioning to my shoulders. "Add some color. Maybe balayage -"

"No." I shoot him down quickly. Trevor loved my hair long and I didn't even know what balayage was. "I don't wanna do anything too drastic."

"She wants cornrows." Rocky stated, causing them all to laugh at me.

"Come to my chair and we'll figure it out. At the least I can trim it." He urged me. I reluctantly followed him and sat down. As he played with my hair, Anita revealed Devon just graduated from cosmetology school. That tidbit of information didn't put me completely at ease, but his knowledge and eagerness did. He asked me about my normal routine. I explained to him I didn't really have one, but I would straighten it everyday if I had the time and patience.

"We can temporarily straighten it. It'll be a few months with no flat irons." He suggested.

Since he was the expert, I went for it. In the end, I was glad I did. After the treatment and a trim, my hair fell to the middle of my back silky and straight. I adored it- I couldn't help putting my fingers through it. He even put a braid on one side of my hair causing me to laugh. I snapped a picture and sent it to Trevor. I tipped Devon generously and he took my information to set up my next appointment.

"Aw, you got your first regular customer." Anita teased him as she finished cutting Rocky's braids.

"I'll have your customers too. Men know what looks good on women." He told her.

Rocky and I laughed as they argued back and forth. Afterwards, Rocky and I went grocery shopping. Rocky bought the ingredients for her dip. After walking around the store, I settled on chicken puffs.

While we were checking out, Ethan called me. I told him to give me 30 minutes and I'd be over. After dropping off the groceries at Rocky's house, I left Rocky to take a nap and went to Ethan's place.

On the way over, I called Trevor since he didn't respond to my text. I figured he should be awake by now.  We spoke briefly before he told me he was hanging with Bilal and promised to call me back later that evening. I got the feeling he was blowing me off, but I reminded myself that I was giving him a break. I decided not to reach out to him anymore unless he did first.

When I got to Ethan's house, EJ and his friend Tommy were in the garage playing with his drum set. Ethan called him into the living room when I got there. He came out, bottom lip sticking out like it did when he was upset.

"What?" EJ asked, sharply.

"It's yes and you see Lily. Go back out and try again." Ethan ordered him sternly.

EJ turned around and walked out. Ethan and I shared a look before watching EJ walked back in. "Hi Lily. Yes dad?" He asked, in the same tone as before. Ethan was looking at EJ in disapproval while EJ stared back.

"I have a gift for you." I said, quickly.

At the mention of a gift, he looked at me. I handed him a gator themed putt putt set. It came with a little golf club, a ball, and a gator head that you hit the ball in its mouth. He took it and looked it over before setting it down.

"Thank you but I don't like golf." EJ huffed.

"I'll keep it. You can go back in the garage." Ethan dismissed him. EJ cut his eyes at Ethan before stomping away.

I looked at Ethan shocked. "What is wrong with him?"

"Excuse him, he's upset because I took away his Wii." Ethan apologized for him. “Do you want a drink.”

“Sure.” I answered, following him to the kitchen. "Looks like you need several."

“I’m managing." He said, opening the refrigerator. "The strongest thing I have is orange juice or vitamin water unless you want coffee or a Capri-Sun." Ethan offered.

“I’ll take a Scotch and water, hold the Scotch please." I smiled.


"What's EJ in trouble for?" I asked as he prepared a glass of ice water for me.

"He got a 2 in conduct on his progress report." He handed me the glass.

"Thank you. Out of?" I questioned before sipping my water.

"4."

"Ohh. What did his teacher say he's doing?"

"Not paying attention, talking with his friends, rushing through his work."

"How are his grades?"

"Passing. 3s and 4s, mostly 3s. Conduct is something he can control. A 2 is unacceptable." Ethan explained.

I nodded as I drank my water. I worked with EJ enough to know if he wasn't interested, he didn't focus or give his all. I found ways to keep him engaged, but I'm sure it was harder for a teacher with a classroom of kids.

I put down my water and grabbed my bag. "Well, when he gets his Wii back, can you try to give him the putt putt set too? I got you your own gift."

"You shouldn't have."

I looked up and flashed him a smile. "But I did."

Ethan smirked as I pulled out a silly, figurine chicken and handed it to him.

"Thanks, but I don't like chickens." He mimicked EJ, making the same annoyed face.

"Stop." I laughed. Ethan smiled too. "It's a friend for the cat I got you in Japan."

"Why a chicken?" He asked, looking it over.

"It couldn't be a dog or a mouse, now could it?"

"Of course." Ethan agreed.

"I plan on stopping by your job to visit them both." I warned him.

"Not necessary. Follow me." Ethan led me to his study/den. "You wanted it proudly displayed in my home." Ethan called my attention to his mantle over the fireplace. The good luck cat sat there among a few pictures of his family in frames.

"You don't have to put the chicken there. In fact, give it to Serena." I smiled.

"I thought the cat needed a friend." He brought up.

"I'm sure they'll be reunited again in the future."

"Speaking of reuniting, how's Racqelle?" Ethan changed the subject.

I stiffened, wondering what he knew. "She's ok."

Ethan studied me. I studied his picture frames.

"Brandon told me they have a child on the way. He wants to get back together with her." Ethan finally supplied.

"I really don't know what to say to that." I said.

"How would you advise him?"

"I wouldn't." I shook my head.

"How would you advise me to advise him?" Ethan tried again.

I sighed. I really shouldn't say anything, but I knew Ethan didn't ask for help a lot. He must be really conflicted or concern. "Rocky sole focus is being a good parent. He should do the same."

"Fair enough." He nodded.

We went back in the kitchen. Ethan informed me EJ was playing for the church choir he grew up at in a few of weeks and invited me. I told him I would definitely go if he sent me the details.

Before I left, I said goodbye to EJ. I told him if his next progress report was better, I would take him and his friend go kart racing since he didn't like golf. EJ looked over at his dad, questioningly. Ethan nodded and EJ agreed. I waved goodbye before I left.

I stopped by my house to pick up Justine, a change of clothes, and my box set of Gilmore Girls. Rocky and I ate supreme pizza and watched the entire second season before crashing. Trevor never called me back.

The next afternoon, Rocky dragged me over to Forrest's place. The party wasn't starting til 6 but Rocky wanted to help set up. I got stuck rearranging furniture with Forrest while Rocky managed us sitting on a bar stool in the kitchen.

"Are you comfortable in that chair? I have a pillow if you need some cushion." Forrest asked Rocky with a concerned look on his face when she re-adjusted.

"No, this is great. Thank you." Rocky replied while putting together my garlic and buffalo puffs.

"I'll take the pillow... and a blanket." I said, collapsing on the comfortable sectional I helped Forrest picked out. Had to admit, the way Rocky rearranged everything was great. Now, I just needed a nap.

"You need to come finish your puffs." Rocky ordered me when Forrest left. She was sweet and kind whenever Forrest was around. As soon as he was out of earshot, she was back to her demanding self.

I stuck my tongue out at her and continued to relax. I pulled out my phone. Trevor texted me earlier saying good morning, but made no mention of the no call the night before. I recorded a video of all my hard work in Forrest's living room. I gave a special shout out to Trevor and the San Francisco 49ers, letting him know our second living area will look the same, only in red and gold. I was ending the video with me collapsing on the couch, when Forrest hit me with a pillow, knocking the phone out my hands.

"You punk!" I exclaimed, retrieving my phone.

"I got you a pillow." He laughed at me.

I posted the video on Instagram. I then heard Forrest compliment Rocky on a buffalo puffs. I immediately sat up.

"That was my idea." I spoke up, joining them in the kitchen.

"That's Lily. Great ideas, bad execution." Rocky said.

"Kinda like her 49ers." Forrest taunted me.

"Fuck that! Those are fighting words!" I said, grabbing a butter knife and waving it threateningly.

"Lily, stop playing with knives." Rocky chastised me.

"That knife will leave a nasty scratch. I might even need a band-aid." Forrest chuckled.

"Yeah? More like an eye patch." I said, walking over to him.

"Listen to Rocky, stop playing." Forrest backed away. I faked a manic laugh before chasing after him.

Once Rocky convinced me trying to stab someone in the eye over football wasn't a good look, I helped prepare the food. By the time we finished, Forrest's friends began to arrive with more food. Most of the guys I recognized from his flag football league and I met their wives or girlfriends. Peyton came with Chris and Sammy came without Corey who was working. During the pre-game while we made our plates, the girls continued the tradition of picking out which guy was the hottest.

"I like Eli Manning. He's cute in a goofy kinda way." Taylor, Serena's friend, offered. She came with Colton, Jake's friend. I didn't realize they were still talking since the bitter ball.

"Who's the guy that salsa dances when he scores? I like him." Sammy said.

"Victor Cruz. He's hurt though." I told her.

"Dez Bryant." Sophia, Sammy's friend, said.

"I like the guy with the big hands. He caught that incredible pass with one hand against the Cowboys last year. Who was that?" Serena asked me.

"Odell Beckham Jr. Giants lost that game, by the way." Blake grunted when he came in to get a beer.

"Can you grab me one too?" I asked Blake.

"Still have that boyfriend?" He smiled at me.

"Yep, I'll get my own." I said.

"I'm just kidding." He said, handing me a beer.

"Thank you." I said.

"You're welcome. I like your hair, by the way. It looks good." He told me, picking up a strand of my hair.

I pulled away but smiled. "Thank you."

"Out. It's girl talk." Serena shooed him.

"I'm interested." Blake said, stubbornly. "Who's your pick Lily?"

"Reggie Bush and Colin Kaepernick." I replied.

"Reggie Bush doesn't play for either team." Rocky pointed out.

"No, I only pick 49ers players." I informed her.

"I'm not impressed by them this year." Blake said.

"They beat your Cowboys during preseason." I reminded him.

"Preseason doesn't count. The starters don't play." He argued.

"Of course it does. Injuries are inevitable. It shows you how your back-ups play. That's as important as the starters Blake." I told him.

"Touché. I never hung out with a girl that's really into sports as me. It's surprisingly sexy." Blake said. He looked over at Serena before resting his arm on the back of my bar stool.

"Maybe that means you really want to date a guy." I joked.

The game started and everyone huddled together to watch. The Giants were leading by half-time but Blake wasn't that upset. Probably because he spent the majority of the time flirting with me. I knew it was for Serena's benefit which she ignored. I tried to ignored him too, constantly checking my phone to see if Trevor texted me or commented on my video. He didn't.

I moved and squeezed into the space between Forrest and Rocky on the couch when I found myself enjoying Blake's attention too much. I was safe from Blake's charm and splitting up Rocky and Forrest at the same time. They were leaning towards each other, talking among themselves during the first half. Two birds, one stone.

The Giants held the lead until the 3rd quarter. I watched in amazement as Tony Romo led his team to a last minute, literally in the last minute of the game, march down the field to score and win the game by one point. The room went crazy. I had to hand it to the Cowboys. They looked great.

I checked my phone on the way home again. Still no call or text from Trevor. The gnawing fear faded when I saw Trevor's car in the parking lot. When I came in the apartment, Trevor was sitting on the bed.

"Hey. How was Austin?" I asked him.

He swallowed before answering. "Good."

"I figured you were having a good time." I gave him a hug, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I missed you."

"We need to talk Lily." Trevor said flatly looking up at me.

"I'm listening." I said, sitting down beside him.

"I can't do this anymore." He said.

"Do what?" I asked, confused.

"Us. I need- a break from this." He struggled to say as he looked me in the eye.

I felt everything slow down then stop- his words, my breathing, the fucking word. Tears welled up in my eyes and my stomach churned violently. All I wanted to do was crawl into myself and disappear, pretending like he never spoke those heartbreaking words.

"Wha- why?" I asked, gathering all my courage to question his words. It was damn near impossible to complete a thought much less a sentence, but I had to know what was going on.

"I can't give you what you want-" He started. I crumbled before he could finish.

"Don't." I cried, tears escaping eyes. "I've heard you give this speech to other girls. Don't you fucking dare." When he just looked away, I sobbed harder. "What did I do? I'll fix it and change. Just tell me what's wrong with me."

He looked up at me then and held my face, wiping away my tears. "It's not- it's not anything you did. I-It's me. I don't want-" he broke off.

"Don't want what?" I whimpered.

"The house, getting married, a fa- family." Trevor explained quickly.

A piece of me shattered at the same time a renewed hope filled me. I pushed through my pain and nodded, wiping my tears away.

"Ok. That's fine. We don't need to buy a house or get married. I just want you Trevor." I bargained with him.

"I'm sorry Lily-" he started.

"We promised." I cut him off, desperately. "We said we're all in. We promised we wouldn't give up." I pleaded with him. Before he could respond, I pressed my lips against his. He kissed me back briefly before pulling away.

"Lilypad..." he said as I brushed my lips against his. He shut his eyes tightly and I smothered kisses on his face. He allowed me to kiss his forehead, his eyes, his cheek, before kissing his lips again.

"I love you Trevor." I said clinging to him, hopelessly. "Do you still love me?"

He finally opened his eyes. They shone with unshed tears as he wrapped his arms around me. "I'll always love you Lily."

My body relaxed in his arms and I took a deep shaky breath. "That's all we need. Whatever happened, whatever changed, as long as we love each other we'll be ok."

He didn't respond, but I didn't need him to. He still loved me; that's all I needed to hear. I knew something was seriously wrong, but I truly believed we could work through it. As long as we were together, we could overcome anything.