Flirtin' with Disaster

"We're flirtin' with disaster
Y'all know what I mean
And the way we run our lives
It makes no sense to me
I don't know about yourself 
or what you want to be, yeah
When we gamble with our time
We choose our destiny" Flirtin' with Disaster by Molly Hatchet

It took everything not to laugh at Rachel’s outraged face. I really didn't understand why she was so upset. Obviously, she thought I was a whore who was after her fiancé. If anything, my fake confession should have made her happy. I told her how much I admired her and Forrest's relationship, but she didn't hear me. I tried to show her I wouldn't be disrespectful to her relationship, but she didn't see it. I tried over and over again to convince her that I would never cross that line with Forrest, but she didn't believe me. So fuck it, let her think she was right. Maybe she would finally stop playing her little games and speak up.

"At least you’re finally being honest." Rachel said her face twisting up in a scowl. She gathered her things and stood up from the table. I watched her leave, surprisingly neutral about it, until I saw Forrest's face. I felt sick to my stomach as he called after her, standing up, digging in his pocket.

He pulled out his wallet. “Just put this on my card. I’ll get it from you later."

I stood up too, shaking my head, refusing to take the card.

"No, I got it. It’s the least I can do." I said, giving him a hug. "I'm sorry Forrest. Good luck with everything." I said goodbye, sadly.

He must have heard the finality in my voice because he shook his head. "Everything is going to be fine. She's just stressed with the wedding and stuff. I'll talk to you later." He called as he went after Rachel.

I sat back down and rubbed my face. When I looked up, Trevor was staring at me, incredulously.

"I'll explain everything to you." I promised him softly. He just pressed his lips together in response.

I opened my mouth to apologize again, but Chad returned.

"How are we doing over here?" He asked.

I looked at everyone. The kids were all congregated around Amber's phone watching some video. Amber looked completely loss, Megan looked amused, Rocky was staring at me expectantly, and Ethan finally spoke to Chad.

"We're good. We're ready for the check and 4 to-go boxes.”

 I smiled at him, gratefully.

Amber made small talk as we boxed up the wings and settled the bill. Trevor and I drove separately, so we agreed to meet at his place. I followed him, conflicted.

If Rachel really felt that way about me, we couldn't be friends. I accepted that; I guess that's why it didn't bother me when she left. The only thing that upset me was losing my friendship with Forrest. Forrest said Rachel didn't mean it. Even if she didn’t, I didn't want to be around someone like that, and by extension, that meant Forrest too.

I knew once I explained it to Trevor, he would understand. As soon as we got to his apartment, I told him everything. I started with my original behavior with Forrest, and how Bianca was the one to make me see how inappropriate it was. I told him about how I met with Rachel, without Forrest, to apologize to her and let her know I had no intentions of being inappropriate again.

Ever since then, I tried, without much result, to be friends with her. She stopped playing games like the wedding coordinator and trying to hook me up with guys, but she never opened up to me. I honestly believed Forrest when he said she was just an introverted person. I thought we were friends, until she made that comment.

I repeated the comment Rachel made under her breath at lunch about me sleeping with all the guys at the table to Trevor. Trevor blanched, mimicking exactly how I felt when she said it. It was so uncalled for and completely out of nowhere...

Or maybe it wasn't.  Serena finding out about me and Ethan might have had something to do with it. The comment made sense in that regard. Either way, I was done with it. I was willing to forfeit a friendship with Serena so she and Ethan would have a chance if it bothered her. I had no choice with Forrest. If our friendship caused Rachel that much turmoil, it wasn't worth it. For me, or him.

"So you thought threatening to sleep with him would help?” Trevor asked, irritated when I finished explaining.

“No…” I said, quickly. “No, I just figured I could tell her what she wanted to hear and be done with it. It was the simplest way to end our friendship.

“And you couldn’t just say, “I don’t want to be friends anymore?”

“I could have, but this way cuts ties with Forrest too. I can’t be his friend either if his future wife has a problem with me.”

Trevor sighed and rubbed his hair. “You understand why she has a problem with you?”

“In the beginning, but I changed.”

Trevor looked at me, skeptically, and I placed my hands on my hip.

“What was that?”

“What?”

“That look.”

“Nothing.”

“It was something.”

“Promise you won't get mad?” Trevor asked, in a tiresome voice.

“I will get mad if you don’t tell me.” I replied.

“What's changed?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"What's changed in the way you act since y'all first met?" He clarified.

"I stopped the one on one lunches and tried to include Rachel more. I don't get overly affectionate! There was even a period of time I didn't even hug him."

Ok, St Patrick's Day was the only exception to that rule, but I needed his help shopping for Trevor and it was a holiday. I went back to hugging, but I literally hugged everyone. Like Ethan said, non-romantic hugs only!

"Lily, I never remembered you being all over our guy friends in college." He replied.

"I was all over you." I countered.

"Yeah, and you liked me." Trevor pointed out. "I'm just saying, I know you, and I can understand Rachel's feelings."

I stared at him blankly.

Where was this coming from?

"Ok... since you agree with Rachel, when was the last time I was 'all over a guy'?" I said, mockingly.

"No! I don't agree with Rachel. I just get how the way you act can cause discomfort-"

"Ok, what was the last thing I did that caused you 'discomfort?'" I asked.

He shook his head. "Never mind Lily."

"No, I need to know when I act whorish so I can fix it." I pressed.

"Just forget it Lily." Trevor sighed, frustrated.

"Well if I'm all over guys and cause you discomfort, why are you with me?" I asked him, sighing just as frustrated.

"All I'm saying is that you like attention from guys-"

"Oh, so now I'm an attention whore?!?" I laughed bitterly.

His face turned red. "I don't care what you want to call it, but you do flirt with other guys. I love you despite that, because for some reason, you just don't get it. You asked me to text another guy for you."

"Christian? He's your fucking friend." I exclaimed.

"No he's not. And even if he was, why would I be ok with you flirting with him?" Trevor questioned me.

I had no answer to that. I didn't think I was flirting with him. I grabbed my purse.

"Where are you going?" Trevor asked me shortly.

"Home. I need to check on Justine." I said turning around and fleeing. As soon as I slammed the door shut, a heard a huge thud behind the door from inside the apartment. I didn't stick around to investigate: I left.

When I got home, I changed into work out clothes and grabbed Justine. We went on a long run together and I tried to run off my anger and frustration. I don't think I ran them off, just exhausted myself. When I got back to my apartment, Jasmine was downstairs with a group of friends, including her sister Jocelyn, looking like they were getting ready to head out.

"Lily! You wanna come out with us? We're celebrating my new job!" Jasmine cheered.

"Congratulations!" I said, genuinely happy for her. "I just went for a run and it'll take me forever to get ready."

"We'll wait." Jasmine offered.

"30 minutes." Jocelyn added, bitchily. I was in no mood.

"No, go out. Have fun. I'll take you out to brunch tomorrow to celebrate." I forced a smile.

"Alright." Jasmine said with a little shimmy.

After they left, I fed Justine, took a long hot bath, and forced myself to sleep. When I woke up Sunday, I was well rested but still upset. I read the texts I received for Trevor, Rocky and Amber the night before.

Amber: Is everything ok?

Rocky: What happened with Rachel and Forrest?

Trevor: I'm sorry Lily. I love you.

I sighed and texted them back.

Me(to Amber): Everything's fine.

Me(to Rocky): You would have to ask them. I'm out of it.

Me(to Trevor): Ok. I love you too.

Trevor texted back immediately.

Trevor: Can I see you?

Me: I'll be over later.

I knew we would talk it out eventually, but I couldn't help being hurt and angry over what he thought about me. Every time he said he loved me, now I also heard despite of.

I got out of bed and decided to go get my nails done. Maybe I would get a contact high from the fumes and forget everything Trevor said. I knew it wasn't going to happen and I was stalling, but getting my nails done would at least make me feel better.

I was in the middle of texting Sammy when I heard a knock on my door.

"Come in." I called.

Jasmine stumbled in my room, wearing a cute maxi dress, a messy ponytail, and oversized sunglasses. "No Trevor?"

"No."

"Is he coming for brunch?" Jasmine asked.

Oh shit, I promised her brunch, didn't I?

"What brunch?" I asked, smiling.

"The brunch you promised!"

"Are you sure you weren't drunk and hearing things?" I taunted her.

"No, you promised. Now get up! I want Los Lupes." Jasmine poked at me.

I got up and went into my closet. I picked out a tank top and a blue checkered skirt before retreating to my bathroom to get dressed. I left my hair down in waves and rejoined Jasmine in my room.

"Ready." I told her.

We drove to Los Lupes and to my surprise, and disdain, Jake, Malik, Jocelyn, Omar, Kelly, Colten, and Rachel's friend Taylor joined us. Apparently, Taylor and Colten were dating now. Taylor greeted me warmly, so she must not have heard of my falling out with Rachel.

As much as I would like to be friendly with Jake, I didn't want to see him. I already had enough on my mind after my talk with Trevor. Jake was the walking, talking reminder of my failures as a girlfriend. One of them being a untrustworthy attention whore. I thought Jake was just being a jealous control freak when he expressed dislike of my relationship with my guy friends. Apparently, it was me.

I barely touched my food and focused on being jovial and excited for Jasmine. It was brutally painful. I felt every forced smile, but I did it and no one seemed to know the difference.

Or that's what I thought until I was leaving and Jake asked me what was wrong.

"I'm good. Great actually. Thanks." I said, forcing another smile as I continued to walk to my car.

"Lies." Jake stated. All my patience was used up at brunch, cause I snapped.

"Fine, you're right. I'm miserable, but it's none of your business." I said, rudely.

He threw his hands up in the air in mock surrender. "Sorry I asked."

He turned to walk away, and I blurted out, "Apparently, I'm an attention whore."

Jake stopped and turned back around. "Tell me what else is new?" He smiled.

"It's not funny... well, I guess it's kinda funny considering you and Trevor agree on something." I admitted.

"What do we agree on?" He asked.

"How much I flirt with other guys." I confessed.

"Hmm, is there a guy in particular? The one at Rocky's birthday party?"

"How'd you know?" I asked, surprised.

"I kinda noticed it at the party. I was going to say something, but I didn't think it was my place-"

"Wait. That's what you were going to tell me?"

"Yeah."

"Oh..." I said, thoughtfully.

"What did you think?" He asked.

"Nothing... but the thing with Christian is I thought he was Trevor's and my friend. I don't think I was flirting." I said, changing the subject back to Christian.

"Ok, even if you weren't flirting, you encouraged him. You can't do that with a guy who likes you: whether he's a friend, family or stranger." Jake informed me.

"I don't think he likes me. Besides, he has a girlfriend." I argued.

"He does like you and he wouldn't be the first person to cheat." Jake said simply.

Well, he wasn't lying about the second part.

"Isn't your brother getting married next weekend?" He said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah."

"You should probably go make amends with Trevor if you want a wedding date."

"Urgh..." I moaned. I owed Trevor a huge apology. I hated being wrong.

"Or I could make myself available." Jake smirked at me.

"No way. Not going to encourage that at all." I shook my head.

Jake laughed. "Good answer."

"Whatever Jake."



I left and after a stop at a sex store, I headed to Trevor's apartment. He let me in and the first thing I did was apologize.

"I'm sorry for leaving yesterday. That wasn't fair." I said as we sat down on the couch together.

"It's ok. I'm sorry too." Trevor started.

"No, don't be sorry for how you feel. Even if I didn't understand it, I should have heard you out, not fought with you about it. I do get it now."

"You do?"

"I do. I just felt like you were saying you didn't trust me." I told him.

"I wasn't trying to say that. I do trust you." Trevor replied.

"I know you trust that I would never do anything to hurt you purposely; But if I do, I need you to tell me. Trust that I will correct it and won't just get mad and storm off like I normally do. Trust that I'm really working on that too." I said with a little smile.

"Alright." Trevor smiled.

"Prove it." I grinned, pulling out the blindfold I just bought out my bag.