Sunday, September 7, 2014

Push it to the Limit

"Push it to the limit
With no one left to stand in your way
You might get careless, but you'll never be safe
While you still feel it"-  Push it to the Limit by Paul Engemann


I went home Tuesday morning after the Labor Day game night fiasco, exhausted. I was so glad I didn't have to be at work. The only reason I was up was because Jake did. He woke me up on his way out. The night before, I kept Jake up late, proving to him he was the only person I wanted to be with. From now on, I was going to let my actions show that.

I entered my apartment Tuesday morning, went straight to my room and changed out of my dress. I pulled on a tank top and shorts and went to bed. I slept for a couple hours before I got back up. I went down the stairs when I heard Sammy up and about. I was surprised to see Corey in the kitchen with her. They were eating cereal together.

"Good morning." I said, giving Sammy a grin.

"Hey." Sammy said.

"Good morning." Corey greeted me.

I grabbed a cereal bowl from the cabinet to join them.

"So... I heard there was some drama last night." Sammy questioned.

"From who?" I asked, curious.

"Rocky called. Seeing if you came home and she told me to have you call her as soon as possible." Sammy explained.

"Urgh, I haven't even looked at my phone. I hope she didn't call anyone else." I sighed.

"You and Jake ok?" Sammy asked.

"Yep." I said, simply.

"I'll let you two have girl talk. I'll call you later Sammy." Corey said, putting his bowl away. She gave him a hug before he left.

"So, what's going on there?" I asked Sammy as soon as I heard the door close.

"We literally just crashed. We made plans to hang out after I was done work, but I was so tired. He came over and watched me sleep." Sammy said.

"Awww Creepy, but cute." I smiled.

"Speaking of creepy, but not so cute, what's really going on with you and Jake?" Sammy asked, hands on her hips.

I thought about what Jake said about getting advice from her.

"Nothing. Really. We're ok. I didn't come home cause I was with him." I replied.

Sammy looked skeptical, but left it alone. She went back to bed. I checked my phone. I returned Rocky's text saying I was ok and would meet her for lunch. I went for a run at the nearby park. I came home, showered and dressed in jean shorts and a tank. I meet Rocky at Jason's Deli for lunch. We ordered salads and loaded baked potatoes.

Rocky was wearing oversized shades, slacks and a button down. She wore no make-up and her short hair was pulled back into a clip. I knew she was hurting.

I did want to see where her head was at with the whole Brandon/Bilal situation, but thanks in part to her drunk antics, I now had to focus on my own relationship. Last night, as I drove to Jake's apartment, I wished she would have the hangover from hell. But now, I felt bad when I looked at her. It didn't stop me from giggling at her sad appearance.

"It's not funny Lily. I fucked up." Rocky moaned.

"Poor baby. Want some bread?" I grinned, reminding her of our bathroom dialogue.

Rocky frowned. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe I said that last night."

"I can't believe you remember what you said."

"Oh yeah. If EJ's question, Ethan's face and Jake and you running out didn't sober me up, Brandon going off definitely did." Rocky explained.

"What?"

"Yeah. The party kinda ended when y'all left. Brandon was so pissed at you and he was going on and on and on. So, I told him what I said and what you said and why we were in the bathroom in the first place." Rocky explained.

"Rocky, you didn't have to-"

"Yes, I did. And now he's not speaking to me. He slept on the couch last night." Rocky admitted.

"Are y'all going to be ok?" I asked.

"I hope so, but if Brandon hasn't already, I will tell Jake what happened. I'm really sorry." Rocky said again.

"Rocky, it's ok. Really. Jake and I are fine." I reassured her.

She just looked at me.

"Well, we will be fine, but don't blame yourself. It's completely on me." I confessed.

And I truly felt that way. I didn't take him seriously when we first met. He was right about that. Between Rocky's opinion of him and him hooking up with Sammy, I didn't want to get to know him and when I did, I fought my feelings for him because of my pre-judgements. When I finally accepted my feelings, I still didn't treat him right. In my need to prove my control, I disregarded his feeling by continuously reaching out to Ethan.

Jake knew the complete history of Ethan and me. Even things I didn't want to admit. I know how I felt just thinking he and Criscelle hooked up. I couldn't imagine how he must have felt having Ethan constantly around me and I needed to address and correct that. Immediately.

"But I'm fixing it. So wish me luck." I smiled.

"Yeah. Ditto." Rocky said.



I called Jasmine to set up a hair appointment after lunch. She said she could take me then so I went over to the shop. She gave me side swept bangs that looked amazing with the light brown color added to my blonde hair. She was friendly and chatty, so I knew Jake didn't tell her about our fight.

"I have really cute pictures of you and Jake from this weekend. I was going to post them, but then I noticed y'all don't have any pictures posted together." Jasmine said, as she straightened  my hair.

"Oh, I know. We've been so busy, just send them to me and I'll post them." I said, quickly.

"So, how did the talk go?" She asked.

"About?" I said, deep in thought about the pictures.

Maybe Jake didn't want our pictures posted. I noticed none of his pictures had girls in them. Even when we weren't dating or hanging out or when he was hooking up with Sammy. I mean, he did have that weird no sleeping over rule. Maybe that was another rule of his. But he did ask me out on Facebook. I can't believe I hadn't posted pictures. Ethan and I had pictures posted together with the kids. I was so careless sometimes.

"About Jake's ex?" Jasmine prompted.

"Oh, good. I know that was super weird for him being around his ex's sister and kid. Not going to lie, I was relieved to hear she's out of his life, but I trust Jake regardless. " I replied.

"What all did he tell you?"

"Just that she was his ex and lives in Georgia now."

Jasmine just nodded. I used the time with her to get some more information about Jake. Not about his exes, but more of his favorites.

After my hair was done, I texted Jake asking if we could have dinner together. He replied that he would call me when he got off. I decided I would surprise him with his favorite movie for a date night at his apartment.

I went home and got dressed in a blue and white rose print dress. I strapped on some white 2 inch kitten heels that I bought from a boutique by Jasmine's job. After I called a Cuban restaurant in Plano called the Latin Pig and ordered food for pick up, I did my make-up. When I was done, I went to the restaurant and picked up the food.

I then went to Jake's apartment. I waited in my car, with the engine and A/C running, for 20 minutes before I got a call from Jake.

"Do you still wanna to do dinner?" He asked me.

"Yes. Come to your apartment." I replied.

I spent 5 minutes touching up on my make up and making sure my hair still looked good.

When I saw his car pull up beside me, I picked up the bag of food from the passenger side and hopped out my car.

He got out the car and approached me, looking me over.

"How long have you been waiting?" He asked, with a frown.

"Not very." I shrugged, wrapping my free arm around him in a hug.

"You look beautiful." He said, hugging me close. After he pulled back, he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Thank you. It's all brand new. And I'm practicing." I smiled, kicking up my small kitten heels.

"What's the occasion?" He asked taking the bag from me.

"I figured we could have a Scarface night. I even brought Cuban food." I motioned to the bag.

"So I'm guessing by the hair and the movie choice, you've been scheming with my sister." Jake said, holding my hand as we walked (very carefully) to his apartment.

"Scheming sounds so shady. More like studying." I confessed.

Jake smiled. "You wanna study me? Should I be worried?" He said, unlocking his door.

"Not at all." I said, as he let me into his apartment. "I just wanna know more about you, so that I can make you as happy as you make me." I said.

"CariƱo, you make me happy." He said, putting the food down and pulling me into his arms. "Don't ever doubt that. I'm sorry about not listening to you last night. Rocky told me what was said. I overreacted." He apologized.

"No, you didn't. I should have been listening to you. When you've been telling me how my friendship with Ethan makes you jealous-" I started.

He looked away. "I wouldn't say jealous..."

"Whatever you wanna say, I understand it. I know how I felt around Criscelle, even when Jasmine told me she wasn't your ex." I explained.

"You were jealous of Criscelle? What did Jasmine tell you?" Jake asked concerned.

"That I should talk to you about her and you're right. Not jealous. Uncomfortable."

When Jake sighed and gave me a little smile, I continued.

"Down the road, I'm sure we can all be friends, but for now, you're my priority and my relationship with you is more important than trying to have a friendship with Ethan." I finished.

"I don't want you to feel like you can't be friends with him. I'm not trying to be that guy..." Jake said.

"I know. If you we're that guy, I wouldn't want to be your girlfriend." I smiled.

He kissed me on the lips before we broke apart. I set up the movie and food while he changed out of his work clothes. We ate Cuban sandwiches, fried yuca with a garlicky sauce and sweet pastries as I playfully ripped his favorite movie apart. I made fun of the accents, the clothes, and how the whole ending could have been avoided. Then I debated why he called it a classic.

"It's a classic cause it's still relevant today and you don't have to be a gangster to get it." Jake explained.

"Give me one example."

"All I have is my words and my balls and I don't break them for no one." He said in a awful accent. I laughed.

"Words to live by. Literally. Truth or death." I smiled. "Still don't see why Gina and Manny had to die."

"Cause a lie by omission is still a lie." Jake said. He then looked me in the eye. "This was a great idea Lily. Thank you for doing this." He said, changing the subject.

I smiled. "Anytime babe." I snuggled up to him on the couch. "Hey, I have a question for you." I said, after a moment. "It's actually about something Jasmine said."

Jake cleared his throat. "Yeah?"

"Why don't we have any pictures on Facebook? Is that another one of your rules? Like no sleeping over? No posting pictures?"

Jake laughed. "You're my girlfriend. No rules apply to you. We can post one right now."

I smiled. "OK."

He pulled out his phone and took a few selfies of us. He chose the picture where I was making my McKayla Maroney not impressed face and he was smirking at me.

He posted it on Facebook and tagged me in it. He captioned it: 

Trying to explain the genius of Scarface to @Lily #FuckinWithDaBest

I chose the one of me kissing him on his dimple while he smiled. I captioned it:

 I get it!#Classic#TheWorldIsYours.


 I changed it as my profile picture before we went to bed together.

--------------------------------

Last week, work flew by quickly. We stayed busy getting or patients files in order for our new boss. At lunch Friday, I ate at work and was able to check my Facebook. I uploaded a lot of pictures from my Labor Day weekend with Jake. There were so many good pictures of Jake and me. I hate to sound conceited, but we really did look good together. I stopped checking out the likes and comments on the pictures when I got a text from Forrest.

Forrest- So I'm guessing that Jake and you are ok?

Me- Yeah. We're great. Sorry about the drama.

Forrest- Don't be. Every time the wedding planning gets frustrating, I have you to remind me how much not being engaged sucks.

Me- Lol. You suck!

Forrest- lol. So what's the story about you and Ethan?

Me- Way too long for text.

Forrest- Can you talk?

I called him. After telling me he was on his free period where he didn't have a class, I explained to him the summed up history of me and Ethan.

"Wow." He said when I finished.

"Yeah. So it's uncomfortable to say the least and I hadn't been handling it right." I finished.

"That's rough. That's a lot to find out about someone you're dating."

"I mean, he knew before we started hanging out." I corrected him.

"Really?" Forrest asked.

"Yeah. I even told him I still had feelings for Ethan, back when he was still hanging out with Sammy." I confirmed.

"Really..." Forrest repeated, thoughtfully.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"I don't know. Does he just get like that about Ethan?" He asked.

"I guess, but there's no other exes in my life. Period."

"Not just exes. Guys in general."

"I don't think so." I said. He was ok with Forrest and Trevor.

"I asked because he got involved with you knowing the situation about Ethan. I feel like you might wanna press the issue a little more to see where his jealousy is coming from." Forrest stated.

"That's the completely opposite of what I'm going to do. I'm just gonna show him he has absolutely no reason to be jealous of anyone." I said, confidently.

"Ok." Forrest said. "Will I see y'all tonight at the game?"

"Of course. At least me for sure. Rachel and I made plans to meet up and watch it together."

"Ok. I'll see you tonight then. Bye Lily."

"Bye Forrest. See ya later." I said, before hanging up the phone.






34 comments:

  1. I'm glad that they worked it out, but I hate that Lily took the blame on herself for what happened with Jake. She didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she could have talked to Jake instead of Ethan about the work stuff, but Jake acted like an ass when she mentioned it, and she didn't do anything to warrant him running out and getting pissed at game night.

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    1. There was definitely blame to be shared. The guilt comes not from what she did, but the things she felt she could have done better.

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  2. Good post! Seems like there is more to the Criscelle thing than Jake is willing to admit.

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    1. Quite possibly. I wonder why Lily hasn't asked. Or if Jake will ever just tell her.

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  3. "Cause a lie by omission is still a lie."

    The spacing is off so I wonder if Jake or Lily said it?

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    1. Jake said it! I just fixed it.Sorry about that.

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    2. No worries... I thought so. Just wanted to be sure. I think he is subtly admitting to keeping something from her.

      I love the way Forest is being a friend to Lily and suggesting she find the source of the jealousy. I like that Lily is going to work on making Jake more of a priority, at the same time I hope she heeds Forest advice.

      Kudos to Rocky for coming clean to both Brandon and Jake. I hope her and Brandon can work through their issues. I really like them together.

      If Becca forgives Trevor.. she's an idiot!

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    3. Agree with you, I hope that by lily doing things her way jake just opens up to her. I'm glad he apologized to her, he's a good guy. Just a typical Hispanic hot head, I am one too ;) I blow up and then I feel bad about it. That's why I think it was good that he left, rather than stay and create more drama.
      I'm glad Rocky was honest with Brandon, he already had too many things against lily, she didn't need more. But if Rocky told him everything, shouldn't he know she wants to marry him? I hope they make up soon.
      Thanks for adding the clothes pix!
      Luita

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    4. Oh Trevor. No one else brought him up but does anyone think he has changed his ways? And if so, should Becca give him a chance.

      And no problem with the clothes pictures. So much easier than describing them.

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    5. I've always liked trevor, he obviously liked lily a lot and sometimes those emotions cause you to make an idiot of yourself. And his hookup with sammy was after Becca and him broke up and we don't know exactly how their relationship was, he said he was really trying to get over lily so not sure how he treated Becca when they were together. For the comment above saying Becca would be an idiot to forgive him doesn't really make sense to me. I like stories of the friend having feelings so maybe I'm just partial. And in the beginning trevor and lily seemed to have fun with each other

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    6. I think Becca would be an idiot to forgive him. He told her the truth, he had feelings for Lily and and broke up with her... then slept with Sammy.

      It's too much I'm using you to get over someone else.... Trust has to be earned, and to me Trevor don't deserve Becca's trust.

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  4. Since there's no button I'm just going to leave this here....

    *LIKE*

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    1. Lol love it. Blogger needs to get on that like button thing...

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  5. The way she's handling herself with Jake, letting him run all over her and dictate how she handles relationships prior to him, threatening to leave her every time he doesn't get his way... it all seems like it's running closer and closer to an abusive relationship. Honeymoon cycle crap is not good

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    1. Time will tell if Lily is making the right choices. But personally, I feel like as long as your not sacrificing your own feelings, its ok to cater to your significant other.

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    2. There's a major difference between compromise or, as you put it, healthy 'catering', and feeling the need to chase after someone after a child says something that they overheard from part of a conversation. And the regular ultimatums and threats to leave or break up are hallmarks of a super unhealthy dynamic building up. When it pushes more for capitulating (chasing after them and ditching a friendly get together) than honest conversation and compromise, it's an issue.

      It's nice to occasionally switch up your wardrobe or take your dude out to dinner. No one would fault that. It's putting up with and taking the blame for Jake's massive temper tantrums and emotional blackmail that is the issue.

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    3. Oh, and the biggest red flag is that he is dictating who she does or doesn't talk about their relationship to. When a guy causes you to shut off from your friends because of his complaints, not your own realizations or choices, that's a GIANT warning sign.

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    4. I like that Forrest brought up that Ethan only likes like that when it's something concerning Ethan. I wish people would see it for what it is, just jealousy and fear, it is not about control.
      I don't know about you but at the beginning of a new relationship it's all about your partner, you just want to spend time with him and sometimes you forget your friends. So I don't think it's such a bad thing that Lily wants to just focus on him.

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  6. Oh Jeeze, being considerate in a relationship isn't letting someone dictate you. Maturity, maybe..

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    1. Absolutely agree. There has to be comprise in every relationship

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  7. I feel like this post was written with a list of things people didn't like with jake and their relationship and used it to retract what people thought. Examples: jake all of a sudden says sorry and realizes he overreacted (that's for all the people who said he overreacted), for those who said she didn't take the relationship seriously in this post she clears it up saying she didn't but now knows what she wants. For those saying he was jealous he says he isn't and also lily tells Forrest he only gets that way with ethan and we should get that because of his "history." For the folks who would might say he is controlling he tells her he isn't that guy (ok guess we shouldn't think that haha) oh and they're not jealous their uncomfortable as lily put it. She even is putting all the guilt on her by buying heels for him. Even throwing in the story how she realized she has pics with ethan not jake and how she is the one who is so careless. I'm still invested in the story but I do feel like this was put in their just to change how people view Kake but only using forced conversation and writing. Good blog, even if I am not a jake fan I like how it makes me opinionated about the story :)

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    1. I admit, I do use the comments to edit my post. I think some of the best ideas came from you guys, like The Carter's reaction to the bbq or Jake's backstory.

      The concerns, likes or dislikes expressed in the comments, especially about Jake in this post, I use for other's character opinions, like Sammy, Rocky, Forrest and Lily too. Because if the readers feel a certain way, it make sense that characters would too.

      That being said, 90% of the time, story line stays the same. Certain things are thrown in, like the careless remark, but that was because I wanted to tie in the lyrics of the song. And I hint at a lot of things to come. *Hint Lie by omission *

      I love opinionated readers! I feel like our personal experiences effect how we feel when we read stories. So that enables readers to pick up on things that I don't even see. Please keep them coming. It might end up in a post!

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  8. janay, I know this blog is about lily, but am soooo intrigued by rocky &Brandon relationship, could we have a cover story about them. please please.
    reader from Nigeria

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    1. I can absolutely do that. Bonus post time! So do we want one of their perspective of game night and the aftermath? Back story? Ideas? Suggestions?

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    2. Definitely Brandon's view of game night & post game night!

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    3. What about from jakes perspective. Or Ethans?? :)

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    4. Not to interested in Jakes point of view or ethan. But would be fun maybe from her brother or rocky or brandon. Too nervous if it was from jake it would be too much of a "i only act this way because of my ex" or use comments to make him explain his actions to sway people to like him more. Haha

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    5. I just started a post from Brandon's perspective of game night. He's kinda perfect being that he is Rocky's boyfriend, Ethan's brother, and Jake's best friend. He's completely in the middle. I'm liking it so far.

      Thanks for the idea... I'll probably through in some of Jake's ex too...just so we know nothing is Jake's fault. JUST KIDDING lol

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    6. Sweet!! I can't wait for Brandon's perspective. Curious about how he feels about Bilal. I'd also like to know what exactly Rocky said when she explained things...

      Thanks Janay!

      --Nicole M.

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    7. I love it! Can't wait to read it! Yes I think Brandon's perspective is perfect! I wonder how he really feels about jake & Lily being together.

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  9. their perspective and also backstory like how they got together because I remember in the beginning of the blog, lily mentioned how rocky wouldn't give Brandon the time of day but suddenly they started dating

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  10. Please please please do something about all the typos. It's killing me! I may have to stop reading.

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