Problems

Problems- Arianna Grande ft. Iggy Azalea

Rocky called me when I was 5 minutes away from the Carters' home. I took a deep breath before answering. She asked me where I'm at. After I told her, she told me to come back to get her. I said no and kept driving home. She threatened that she would just take Brandon's car. I told her if she did that, I just wouldn't go home.

She was silent for a moment. Most likely rethinking her strategy. I used that moment to explain to her that I'm ok. More embarrassed than anything. Her leaving would just make it worse. Besides, I don't wanna talk. I just wanna go home and forget everything for the next few days. I agreed to tell her everything when she and Brandon return on Sunday. She said ok and we got off the phone.

As I drove back to Dallas, over an overpass, I saw multiple firework shows in the sky. I couldn't help but think of all the happy couples or families together enjoying them. And here I was. Alone.

I felt so lonely growing up. Just hours ago, I thought that loneliness was over. I felt welcomed at Ethan's parents' house. Probably not anymore, after my little outburst. But with Ethan, I felt so lucky and happy that he wanted me there, by his side. But now, after being a part of that and losing it, I felt ten times worse than I ever felt growing up. Crazy how that works huh?

When I got home, I poured myself a huge glass of wine and downed it with a couple Tylenol PMs. I stripped down and took a hot shower. I washed up and shampooed my hair. I then just stood under the hot water until my muscle started to relax. I turned off the water and dried off. I pulled on a tank and yoga pants. I towel dried my hair. I put it up in a messy ponytail and dragged my drowsy self to bed.

I woke up at 9am, still feeling drowsy. I knew it was the pills. Even after a full night of sleep, I still felt drowsy. I'm grateful for them anyway. I slept the sleep of the dead that night. No lingering thoughts of Ethan nor Karen. They bombarded me in the morning though.

As I ate yogurt with granola, I couldn't help picturing them together. Maybe I shouldn't have told him anything. I should have just left. I imagined Ethan telling Karen everything. She probably had a good laugh about it. They probably discussed my obvious display of jealously, anger, and desperation while watching fireworks and making sure their kids didn't eat any more fattening junk food, like my fruit tarts.

That thought turned my stomach, and I got up to go for a run. I made a Girl Power playlist to listen to while I run. It's filled with Ke$ha, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Katy Perry, Kelly Clarkson, Arianna Grande, Destiny's Child, Iggy Azalea and Beyonce. I knew I was just going through the same denial as last time. Pretending like I'm ok. But I figured I'll have enough grieving time with Rocky. Why start now?

When I got home from my run, I went ahead and started packing up my clothes. I don't have that much to move into Sammy's and my new apartment. The only thing I brought from California was clothes.

Rocky told me to take any furniture I wanted from the bedroom. But I wanted everything brand new. I was so glad I didn't take Rocky up on her offer. My furniture was being delivered on Tuesday. Now I could really make a new start. Nothing Ethan saw, touched, sat or fucked me on would be in my new apartment.

Unfortunately, that brought up the mental image of all the sex I was looking forward to with Ethan. Just that one kiss at the bbq, and I knew it would still be as amazing as I remembered. Now I imagined him having the same with Karen...

That thought made me giggle. Maybe I'm losing it, but I couldn't imagine it being that great between them. She's such a controlling bitch and honestly, so is he. That made me laugh harder.

I'm no sex expert. My experience prior to Ethan consisted of Mr. Perez, free internet porn and the rabbit vibrator Rocky bought me. After Ethan, it was just one sad attempt to get over him, then it was back to my rabbit. I burnt that thing out. But I can guess with both of their personalities, it can't be too much fun in the bedroom. Maybe Karen could fake it. You know, till she got what she wanted. After that, it would be awful.

I laughed some more as I pulled clothes out my closet. I started taking the clothes on hangers out to my car. I might as well make a trip to the apartment. After that, I'd see what Sammy was up to. I would rather be watching Game of Thrones with Trevor, but he is in Austin. With Becca. I wished them a horrible sex life too. Although I know that's not the case. If it was, Trevor would have stopped hanging out with her the first night.

I put my headphones back on. On my trips back and forth to the car, I sang and danced to Problems by Arianna Grande. I danced around in a circle, actually feeling the lyrics of the song as it applied to my life right now.

I was rapping Iggy's lyrics and just shut the car door with my hip, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I shrieked, surprised. I yanked off my head phones and turned to see a grinning Jake.

"What da-... What are you doing here?" I said.

"Nothing much. Just watching you kill that song. Really, you murdered it. It's gone." He laughed at me.

"Ha ha ha." I said. I'm trying to play it cool, but my face heated up. I hate that he has that effect on me. With his obnoxiously hot face and stupid cut body. "Well, you've seen it. You can go now."

"I also came to check on you." Jake started.

"What makes you think I need checking up on?" I said, folding my arms.

"I don't know. Maybe how you stormed out, cussing folks out." Jake supplied.

"I didn't cuss anyone out." I said, stubbornly.

 When Jake just tilted his head at me, I caved. "Okay. Maybe a little. But only because they deserved it. They should have let the kids have another fruit tart."

"Why do you care so much?" Jake asked.

"I don't. You just don't deny kids a second helping of my food. It's a California Dominican thing. It's very offensive. I don't expect you to understand." I said, lying my ass off.

"Oh, thanks for clearing that up. I thought it was because you and Ethan were eye-fucking each other the whole time." Jake commented.

I gasped. I'm so thrown off by his brutal honesty, I have no time to think of a response. Were we that obvious?

"I didn't think Ethan had it in him, juggling two girls at the same time. Much less having them over at the same time..." Jake continued.

"He doesn't. Ethan isn't juggling me around. So if you're done 'checking up on me'," I said using air quotes, "you can go."

He laughed. "Come on. I come bearing gifts. Leftovers." Jake said, raising his bag. "You gotta take them. Or Mrs. Carter will be offended. Its a Texas-Black thing. Only she won't cuss me out; she'll kick my ass."

I laughed, despite myself. The thought of Mrs. Carter kicking his ass is hilarious. I took the bag from him.

"Thanks." I said, smiling.

"No problem. Where are you headed anyway?" He asked me.

"New apartment. Me and Sammy officially moved in last week. Our stuff moves in Tuesday." I explained.

Jake looked confused. "I thought her lease wasn't up till October."

"No... her lease has been up. She's been paying month to month-" When he scowled, I backtracked. "Or maybe not. I don't remember all the details. A lot going on. You know, pining over Ethan and all..."

Fuck, why did I say that? Now I look even more pathetic. Sammy owed me.

He shook his head. "You shouldn't."

"Shouldn't what?"

"Pine over Ethan. Or any guy. You're way too hot for that." He said, seriously.

I smiled, pleased. It was genuinely flattering hearing that from him. "Thanks."

After he left, I ate some of the leftovers. It tasted amazing. I'm so upset I let Ethan and Karen take away the enjoyment of my first plate. After I ate and cleaned up my dishes, I finally checked my Facebook. I've been avoiding it, but Jake's visit and words have me feeling so good about myself, I feel like I can handle it. While I looked through my feed, I noticed neither Ethan nor Karen changed their status to "in a relationship." But they didn't before, so I don't read too much into it. I also noticed Jasmine's, Jake's sister, friend request. I'm sure she found my page through her brother's. I accepted her as a friend.

I then hopped in my car and went to my apartment. After unloading and putting my clothes away, I pulled out my phone to call Sammy.

"What up Girlie? " Sammy answered.

"Nothing much. Just seeing what you're up too..." I answered.

"Nothing. Unfortunately, just relaxing before I have to go to work." Sammy replied.

"Oh, ok. Maybe I'll come up there later. I need the distraction."

"Are you depressed over Ethan?"

"How do you know about Ethan?" I asked.

"Rocky wanted me to check in on you. Are you okay? Not trying to slit your wrist?"

"Nope. I actually just unpacked some of my new clothes, in my new room, in my new apartment, ready for a new start."

"Hell yeah! I'm so glad to hear that. Cause I'm over you being all depressed over Ethan. It's time to move on!"

"So true. Just call me Queen Elsa!" I declared.

 When she went silent, I explained. "Frozen? Let it go? Nothing?..."

"Nope. Never seen it. If I date a guy with a kid, we're not hanging out with his kid like you did with Ethan." Sammy laughed.

I forced a laugh. I didn't tell her I saw it in California, with my cousin, who was 20 at the time...

I wished her a goodnight and told her I would call if I decided to go to Dave and Buster's. I ended up going back to the house and crashing instead.

----------------------------------

I woke up late again on Sunday. I'm surprised to see a text from Ethan on my phone. It read:

Ethan: I'm sorry for the way everything happened on Friday.

I put my phone back down. That didn't make me feel better. It pissed me off. You're sorry for the way it happened, but not sorry that it happened? Why be sorry at all? I'm not. It showed me a side of Ethan that I couldn't believe nor understand. And that was going to help me get over him.

By the time I was out of bed and dressed, Rocky and Brandon arrived home. I walked out to the living room to greet them. Rocky dropped her bag and gave me a hug.

"Lily, are you ok? How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay." I said, slightly amused. Another positive to Ethan being a complete ass. Rocky babying me instead of lecturing or going off on me.

"Give us a minute, Brandon." Rocky said, turning to face him.

"No, he doesn't need to go. In fact, I wanna apologize. To both of y'all. I'm sorry about my outburst. I know it was immature." I stated.

"No, immature would have been smacking her across the face. I swear, I was 5 seconds away from smacking both of them. You handled yourself beautifully." Rocky exclaimed.

"Yeah, please don't apologize. That was the best family bbq I've been to in forever." Brandon grinned.

"I should have just ignored her. I knew she was baiting me..." I explained.

"No. She had it coming. You had every right to speak up for yourself. Even Mrs. Carter said 'Jesus said to turn the other cheek. Not to turn in circles.'" Rocky declared. I burst out laughing at that analogy.

"Really? I thought your parents would be super pissed about everything." I said to Brandon.

"Naw. Karen left right after the fireworks. But as soon as Ethan came back from walking her out, my dad asked him 'is it ok If I get a fruit tart?" Brandon explained.

Rocky and Brandon both laughed at the memory. I smiled, very surprised. My dad would've been mortified by my behavior. I shook my head in disbelief.

"We spent the whole weekend spelling out cuss words. It was so funny." Brandon continued.

"The only person who didn't think it was funny was Ethan. But he wouldn't, considering he brought the b-i-t-c-h to the bbq." Rocky added.

"Even this morning, my mom was like 'get the h-e-l-l out my house." Brandon finished. We all burst out laughing.

Tears streamed down my face, until they turned into a real cry.

Brandon excused himself, volunteering to unpack their bags. I knew I must have freaked him out if he was offering to clean. That made me laugh/cry harder.

"Alright, tell me what happened." Rocky said, after we went to my room.

I explained everything to her. The Facebook message I sent back to Karen. Me and Ethan's conversation over the phone about it. Our kiss outside. The conversation we had when Karen showed up and the last conversation I had with Ethan before I left.

"So basically, after all that, he chose Karen. Cause she's consistent. Even if she's just consistently a bitch."

Rocky took this all in and looked thoughtful. "No wonder..."

"No wonder what?" I asked her.

"When he came back, without you, I pulled him to the side and asked where you were. When he told me you left, I went off." Rocky explained.

"What did you say?"

"I told him that I said I was staying neutral. But if you were to get back with him, after the way he treated you, I would discourage you every step of the way." Rocky admitted.

I smiled sadly. "I don't think that's going to be an issue."

"He said the same thing." Rocky stated. "Lily... I'm going to play devil's advocate here. And I promise, I haven't talked to Ethan nor has Brandon. But after hearing everything, I gotta wonder, what if he already chose you-"

"It doesn't matter." I cut her off. "Maybe I am inconsistent or childish or whatever. But I need someone that at the very least respects me. Jake stood up for me more than Ethan. I just can't be with someone like that."

Rocky nodded. "I understand."

"And if you forgive me for all the shitty things I said, I'll forgive you for sending Jake here to check on me." I said, smiling.

"I forgive you...but I didn't send Jake to check on you. I called Sammy. She sent Jake over here instead?!? What a..." Rocky went off.

I let her vent. Hmm, Sammy didn't mention that. I gotta remember to talk to her about that.