Burn

*This is Monday's Post. Just a little early.

Burn- Usher

Ethan and I then went back inside the house. I sat down on the couch. Jasmine, Jake's sister, is sitting on the couch with Jake now. Jake hands me a wine cooler.

"Thought you might want something stronger than lemonade." He offered.

I took it. He had no idea.

Thank God for the food. I can pretend I'm occupied with it and not freaking out about Karen being here. Rocky keeps looking over at me from the table, but I ignore her glances. Ethan's parents look surprised at first, but then welcome Karen and Joel warmly. Brandon just looked amused by the whole situation. I try to not look like anything. Especially when Ethan and Karen sat at the dining room table together. I just try to look like I'm enjoying the food, but its lost its taste.

Everyone else is enjoying it. Mr. Carter really loves my beans. His beans are more traditional baked beans, with a sweet brown sugar taste. My dad's recipe calls for beer, peppers and liquid smoke. So they're more savory with a smoky kick. I explained to him that it's my dad's recipe with a couple of twists.

"My dad doesn't eat red meat. So he normally uses turkey bacon. I used real bacon. I just can't with turkey bacon." I explained.

Jake laughed at me. "What's up with that face?"

I put my beer down. Maybe I need to slow down. I don't recall making a face.

"I didn't make a face." I turned to him, smiling.

"Yeah you did. Like turkey bacon offends you." Jake countered.

"It kinda does though. It's an abomination to call it bacon." I laugh.

Jake and a few others laughed with me.

"Don't get me wrong, while in California, when I lived with my dad, I didn't eat any red meat. Cause my dad didn't buy it. I probably could live without red meat-" I stopped when I saw Rocky cut her eyes at me. "Don't look at me like that Rocky. It's true. I could."

"So I guess that's why the first place you went when you came home was Whataburger?" Rocky commented.

Everyone laughed at that. Karen a little too hard. I ignored Karen and smiled at Rocky.

"I coulda got a Whatachicken sandwich." I declared.

"You didn't. You got a bacon cheeseburger with jalapenos." Ethan joined in.

I grinned at him. "Nope. I got a Jr bacon cheeseburger with jalapenos. I wanted fries too. Besides, she didn't know that." I corrected him.

"Close enough." Ethan said.

"Close, but no cigar." I countered. Ethan just smiled at me.

"Why are we talking about your fast food preferences?" Karen asked me.

I didn't like Karen's tone, but I finished anyway. "The point was that I really could live without pork. I just still would never eat turkey bacon."

"You probably just need a detox. When you're used to eating fast food and junk, it ruins your taste buds. I see kids like that all the time. Their palates are so bad, they don't even like the taste of water." Karen told me.

Did this bitch just compare me to a kid? She probably just needed a foot in her ass. 

"What do you do?" Mrs. Carter asked Karen. She explained how she was a nutritionist for the state of Texas. She works with low income families to make sure they can get healthy foods for pregnant women and children. She goes on and on about the obesity crisis like she's freaking Michelle Obama.

"Thank you first lady." Jake muttered. I burst out laughing. Jasmine was grinning too while everyone else glanced at us.

"Have something to add Jake?" Ethan asked. I covered my mouth, guiltily.

"Not at all. I was just explaining to Lily I drink enough water to know it doesn't really have a taste. I just drink it because it's healthy." Jake added."You can prefer certain things. It's about moderation."

"Well of course" Karen agreed. "But most kids don't understand moderation. Sometimes you have to take those choices away so they don't develop bad habits. I'm sure Lily's job as a personal trainer is why she doesn't gain weight-"

"Therapist." Ethan corrected. "She's a physical therapist."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize there was a big difference." Karen said, apologetically. Ethan nodded. What a fake bitch. She knew exactly what she was saying. Could he not see that?

"Yeah, about 7 years of school." Jake explained to her.

"Well anyway, I'm just saying obesity is an epidemic that is easily controlled. It's a shame to set our kids up for failure." Karen continued.

"As someone who struggled with my weight, my whole life, I know it's not always easy to control. In fact, when I was in school, during those 7 years, there were studies going on that would classify overeating as an eating disorder just like bulimia and anorexia ." I debated her.

"Were you a test study?" Karen asked, curiously.

I wanted to punch her face in. "No. I wasn't. By then, I knew the cause of my overeating. My adoptive dad was a professional baseball player, so it had nothing to do with low income. He raised us on his own and would restrict what my brother and I could eat. So my rebellion was junk food. As soon as I moved out of his house, I had no cravings for it. But good luck with taking kids choices away." I finished, coolly. I couldn't hold back the sarcasm in the last sentence.

"So your dad was a baseball player?" Mr. Carter asked me, officially changing the subject.



Dinner was pleasant after that. I was still fucking pissed. Not only at Karen. I knew why she had it out for me. I understood it. I truly regret that I wrote her back on Facebook. What I didn't understand was why Ethan didn't defend me. He sat there and let her attack me. Maybe passive aggressively, but attacking none the less. Even Rocky was shooting me sympathetic looks, and she was mad at me. And Ethan, who just an hour ago was kissing me, ignored it.

I was seething by the time dinner was over and we all went outside by the pool. I opted for the backyard instead. Karen was watching Joel swim. I was afraid I was going to lose it if she said one more thing to me.

I put myself on a time out and helped EJ make snow cones for everyone. Ethan rubbed my shoulder when he came over to help EJ set up the machine. I ignored him but I couldn't help watching him when he wasn't looking. When he did catch my eye, I looked away. After the snow cones were made for everyone, Ethan and EJ went back to the pool

Jasmine was leaving before the fireworks, so she opted not to get back in the pool. Brandon hooked up his phone to some speakers and we were jamming and eating snow cones. We were making small talk when Jason Derulo's "Wiggle" came on.

"This is my song!" Jasmine cheered. We both started wiggling in our lawn chairs and whistling.

"YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT BIG FAT BUTT" Jasmine sang.

"Wiggle wiggle wiggle!" I sang back to her. We both started laughing.

"BRANDON! Turn that off. I don't wanna hear that mess." Mrs. Carter yelled at him as she headed inside the house.

"Patty cake, patty cake with no hands..." Jasmine and I continued to sing to each other when Mrs. Carter went inside, before Brandon turned it off.

"I can't believe how inappropriate music is today." Karen commented loudly to Ethan. I ignored her. There was not enough rum (thanks Brandon!) in my snow cone to deal with her bitchy-ness.

"I have a kid friendly playlist. It has a little of everything." I told Brandon, handing him my phone. He plugged it in. I put it on shuffle, but since I know Mr. Carter is old school, I picked a Kool and the Gang song to play first.

Mrs. Carter came out with the fruit tarts and pecan bars. She brought them to the backyard. Everyone hopped out the pool and came over.

"That's what I'm talking bout!" Mr. Carter said, dancing around, grabbing a pecan bar. I giggled and munched on my snow cone.

Brandon shook his head. "See what you started?" He said, sitting beside us.

"Apparently pop music is a sign of the end times." Jasmine said, sarcastically.

"Don't forget obesity." I added. Jasmine, Brandon, and Jake laughed while Karen and Ethan shot me a look. Karen's look was dirty. Ethan's was more like 'not cool'. I just smiled.

Usher's "Yeah" came on and everyone is feeling it. The kids start dancing around after they gobbled down dessert.

"This song takes me back." Jake exclaimed.

"It always reminds me of that scene in that movie. With Will Smith..." Rocky started.

Brandon laughed. "...and Kevin James. Hitch."

"What playlist is this?" Ethan asked me, bobbing his head to the music.

"It's my work out playlist. I have a clean one for when me and EJ work out together." I explained, smiling sincerely.

"No wonder EJ knows all the songs on the radio. Even clean music is not really clean. It's still too suggestive for children." Karen commented.

I'm so over her. I know she's trying to bait me. So I ignore her. Again. This time, it was easy. I'm focusing on Ethan. God, he's sexy, jamming to the music. I was loving this side of him around his family. Normally he's so reserved. He caught me watching him, but I don't look away this time. Neither does he.

"These are so good!" Joel told Ethan, pointing to the fruit tarts. He finally broke eye contact with me to look at the boys.

"Can we have another one?" EJ asked.

I made mini tarts cause I wasn't sure how many people were coming. We had plenty.

Ethan looked at Karen. She nodded. Ethan handed one to EJ. "Make sure you tell Lily thank you. She made them." He said, reaching to grab Joel one, giving me a smile.

"You know what? You just had a snow cone. That's enough sweets." Karen replied.

The smile fell off Ethan's face and he looked at Karen. They had a stare down for a few moments.

"Can I cut it in half?" Mrs. Carter asked, trying to clear the obvious tension.

"No. " Karen said, briskly.

"Come here EJ." Ethan said. He took the tart from him. "Go play around some more. You can have more during the fireworks."

EJ pouted, but nodded before running off.

That was the final straw for me. It's one thing to be a bitch to me. But to deny your child? Because you're mad? And to go along with that bullshit? Unacceptable.

"That was some petty shit." I blurted out when Joel ran off.

"What?" Karen challenged me.

"Lily-" Ethan started at the same time.

"Excuse my language." I said, cutting both Karen and Ethan off. I turned back to Karen. "The only reason you didn't let him have another one is cause I made them. That was extremely petty."

"Lily..." Ethan repeated, in a warning tone. He used that tone with EJ. Fuck that. I ignored him and glared at Karen.

"I don't have to answer to you about my mothering. Apparently, you have no idea what that even means." Karen answered.

"You're right, I don't. And you don't have to answer to me. But your child might ask you why you are so miserable. And by miserable, I mean b-i-t-c-h." I spelled out for her.

I heard a couple of gasps.

"Lily! That's enough. You're making yourself look childish." Ethan said, firmly, giving me a look that said "shut up".

Oh, so now he can speak up. Just for that miserable bitch. Not for me. Or EJ. Fuck em both. They deserved each other.

I stood up. "And you're making yourself look like a d-i-c-k." I turned to his parents. "Thank you for having me." I said, before storming in the house.

I grabbed my purse and booked for the front door. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I held them back. Neither one of those assholes were going to get the satisfaction of making me cry. In fact, I was done crying over Ethan.

Unfortunately, Ethan was standing by my car when I walked out the house. I let my sadness fuel my anger.

When I ignored him and went to the driver's side, he followed me.

"Do you want your phone?" He asked. I snatched it from him, rudely.

"You still owe me a talk." Ethan told me.

"I changed my mind." I said, barely holding in my rage.

"Big surprise there." Ethan said, frustrated.

"What does that mean?" I snapped at him.

"It means the only consistency I get from you is inconsistency. You're all over the place, all the time. I don't know what you want from me!" He exclaimed at me.

"I want you! I've made that painfully obvious." I pointed out, pissed. I was so mad, I was shaking.

"When? When you moved to California after I told you I was falling in love with you? When you talked to my brother and didn't talk to me? When you came back and said you wanted to be in EJ's life only? When you're all over me, or Trevor or Jake or whoever else is fun for you?"

I've never seen him lose his cool like this. Not even when he found out about Megan and my brother. I felt like he just slapped me in the face.
"I don't want Trevor or Jake or anyone else. I've always had feelings for you Ethan. You know it was more than fun." I said, meekly. I didn't plan to confess to him like this. I just didn't want him to be angry with me anymore.

"Do I? I'm used to people saying what they mean and meaning what that say. You told me, repeatedly, I meant nothing to you. Say whatever you want about Karen, but at least she's consistent." He said, detached.

Tears flood out of my eyes at that. I don't know what was worst. When he was angry or when he was nonchalant.

"I'm telling you now. You meant something to me then. You mean something to me now." I admitted.

My tears got a reaction. He looked pained at my face. "Lily, I want you. I do. But I don't think that's enough anymore. It's too hard. Your moods and wants change so frequently. I'm realizing that I don't have it in me to keep up with you."

"Well let me make it easy for you. Let me go." I pleaded.

He got out of my way so I could get into my car. I speed off into the night, blinking back tears.

I wanted finality. I definitely got it.



So what do y'all think? Is it really finally over? Who do y'all picture Karen as now? :-)