"True love ain't something you can buy
yourself
True love finally happens when you by yourself
So if you by yourself, then go and buy yourself
Another round from the bottle on the higher shelf
'Cause I'm my own soulmate (Yeah, yeah)
I know how to love me (Love me)
I know that I'm always gonna hold me down
(Always gonna hold me down)
Yeah, I'm my own soulmate (Yeah, yeah)
No, I'm never lonely (Lonely)
(No I'm never lonely, no)
I know I'm a queen but I don't need no crown
Look up in the mirror like damn she the one" Soulmate by
Lizzo
"Hey Benjamin.” I said, giving him a hug when he stood
to greet us. My dad headed straight to his table, so I knew him being in the
lobby when we got back to the resort was not a coincidence. "What's going
on?" I pondered out loud, looking between my dad and my cousin,
concerned.
"I'm not sure.” Benjamin looked over at my dad,
expectantly. “Carlos asked me to meet you both here."
"Let's sit down and I’ll explain." Dad instructed
us, pulling out a chair for me. I tied Justine’s leash to the leg of my chair
before taking a seat. Once I had Justine settled, I looked to my dad for him to
start. "I'm sorry about the timing of this, but I wanted to talk to you
both in person." He began.
I tried my best to stay impartial, but I was worried and confused all at the
same time. I kept my questions to myself and let him talk.
"I wrote to Paula to asked if she would speak to me. She responded.” He
finally stated.
“She did?” I stared at my dad, perplexed that he reached out to my
biological mother.
“Yes." He confirmed. "She still does not want any contact with anyone
else in her family, but she did write a letter explaining why.” My dad took out
a folded letter from the front compartment of his overnight bag. He
separated two pieces of paper and slid one to both of us.
Benjamin picked up his copy immediately, but I
continued to stare at my dad. He surveyed me, only breaking eye contact when
Benjamin opened the letter. “I tried to reach out to your mother to see if she
could corroborate anything in the letter-" He started to inform Benjamin.
"She refused?" Benjamin interrupted.
My dad nodded solemnly. “She wouldn’t even read the letter.”
"I’m not surprised." Benjamin replied. “For
behold, I create new heavens and a new earth-“
“And the former things will not be remembered or come to
mind.” I finished with Benjamin. This was one of Patty’s favorite bible verses.
I heard it repeatedly when I asked about Paula. When my dad looked for an
explanation, I said. “She never wanted to talk about the past. She believes God
has a purpose for us so it’s better to surrender to His will than dwell on the
past.”
Dad did not comment on that. “Read the letter; we’ll go from
there.”
I looked down at it, making sure I had reign of my emotions
before picking it up. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel anything but confusion. I
didn’t understand why or why now my dad decided to reach out to the woman who
gave birth to me. That was more important to me than whatever the letter
said. “Can we talk for a moment dad?” I asked, standing up. Benjamin already
picked his copy of the letter up and was reading intently. He didn’t even
realize my dad and I stepped away for privacy.
“Why? Why did you reach out to her? You always told me the
best thing she did was leave my life. Why would you do this now after all this
time?”
“Because it wasn’t my decision.”
“What do you mean?”
“It was never my decision to make. I decided you were better
without her. My mother raised me on her own with nothing; I thought I could do
better with you. I was wrong.”
I looked at him, somberly. “You realize it was nothing you
did or didn’t do right? I had nothing but insecurities since Paula left me.
It’s part of the reason I was so desperate to find her. I believed knowing why
she left would magically heal me.”
"And I believed if I gave you a stable life and
opportunities, you wouldn’t need anything else. I didn't want any help, didn’t
think I needed help. Even after..." he stopped, like the words were too
hard to say. He looked away, in shame. I only saw that look from him one other
time. Bile rose to my throat just like it did back then. I knew he was thinking
about Mr. Perez.
“We don’t have to talk about this Dad.” I replied, softly.
He finally looked up at me, his face ashen. “We do. We
should have talked about this a long time ago. I should have known.”
In that moment, I realized his shame back then was not
because of me, but in himself. "Dad, he was a predator. He knew exactly
what he was doing. He constantly tested my limits to see if I would keep small
secrets from you. Eventually, the secrets grew bigger and bigger and I was too
ashamed to tell anyone. I blamed myself, I never blamed you.” I finished.
"I brought him into our lives. I should have protected
you. It was my fault.”
I shook my head, sadly. We both carried guilt that only Mr.
Perez deserved. "I thought you blamed me. I felt like you didn't care
about me anymore. I overate, stayed in my room all the time and you said
nothing. Cam asked about my grades at that point more than you did. I thought
you were shutting me out because you blamed me. "
“No Lilian. You refused to talk about what happened. You
kept begging me not to kick you out. I decided it would be best to remove him
from our life permanently and move forward. I convinced myself I could fix it
by backing off and not putting any more pressure on you. I didn’t realize how
wrong I handled everything until Amelia pointed it out. When you left
California, she told me I should be grateful if you and Cam ever speak to me
again.”
“You told her?” I said, stunned that not only did
my dad confide in his friend’s ex-wife and co-founder of the foundation, but
she was so harsh with him.
He nodded. “She helped me handle him and even offered to
speak to you, but I already decided to move forward. I should have tried harder
to talk to you: to figure out what you needed instead of doing what I thought
was best. I’m sorry I didn’t before. I promise I will do that from
now on. That’s why I reached out to Paula because it is what you need. ”
It took therapy to come to terms that my dad could only do
the best he knew how to do. I already forgiven him, but it was different
hearing him say it. “Thank you, Dad. Thank you for reaching out, but I don’t
need to talk to her anymore.”
“No, I don’t want you to have any doubts or insecurities
anymore. If answers will help you-“ He started.
“They won’t.” I stopped him. “I had to deal with my
insecurities on my own. Her story doesn’t change that. Her reasons are her
reasons. I’m just forever grateful that she gave me to you-“ I paused, before I
became overwhelmed with emotions.
“I’m grateful too.” My dad said, putting his arms around me
in a hug.
Once I gathered myself, we made our way back to the table. I
was tempted to rip up the letter and declare I knew my family and Paula wasn’t
part of it. The best mothering she did was give me up for adoption. Anything
that happened before that point didn’t matter. When we rejoined Benjamin, he
was staring off into the distance. Once he noticed us, he analyzed my face like
he was trying to find a hidden answer. It concerned me that he read the letter,
but still had questions in his eyes. I knew I had to read the letter for
Benjamin’s sake. He pushed for this harder than me at times. I may not remember
Paula being my mother, but Benjamin remembered his aunt. He had fond memories
of her. He had no idea why she left. It was a part of his childhood that he was
trying to figure out. I would do whatever I could to help him. I unfolded the
letter and began to read.
Dear Carlos,
I was tempted to send you the same letter I sent her. I stopped thinking about
her as my daughter a long time ago. I thought it was best to bury the truth for
her to have a happy life. But you are right, what we think is best is not
necessarily best for everyone. I know that better than anyone. Most of my
mistakes stem from trying to fight what others thought was best for me. If you
believe Lilian hearing the truth will help her, I will share it.
I was 15 when my mother passed away. My dad was helpless
with his grief and my sister moved back in with us with her family. She thought
it would be best to help my dad and to mother me. I felt nothing but resentment
for her: my mother was gone and I didn’t want her to take her place. When my
dad's health started to deteriorate, that resentment turned to hate. I blamed
her. I felt like her presence was the reason my dad stopped trying. He was
content in his grief and dying because Patricia was there to take care of me.
So, I rebelled. I barely graduated high school, I stayed out all
night, I drank, I did drugs, everything she told me not to. Everything I could
to upset her.. That included sleeping with her husband.
I momentarily stopped reading when my stomach churned full
of dread. I looked over at Benjamin, who was still studying me. I knew what he
was thinking: the similarities in our face. Were they just from our maternal
side? Or was there more?...
I took a calming breath before I continued reading.
It happened once, and I was sleeping with other men, but I knew there was a
chance I was pregnant when we met. You were my escape plan. I could get you to
pay for an abortion and move on with my life. My sister found out I was
pregnant and told my dad. He would not allow an abortion. He demanded to know
who the father was, so I told him it was you. One of the last things he said to
me was how if my mother was alive, I would break her heart. When Lilian was
born, I couldn’t stand to look at her. I left her with Patty all the time. I
continued to drink and do drugs. After one too many nights of partying, Patty
told me I needed to grow up and be a mother to my child. I told her to raise it
since it was her husband's child.
I don't know if he confessed or if Patty finally saw the truth, but she
kicked Ben out. I thought she would kick me out too. I don’t know if it was
obligation or love or the money you sent, but she didn’t. She worked nonstop to
keep the house my mom adored and my dad worked himself to death to provide for
us. It pushed me out of my path of self-destruction and into trying to build a
life for myself. I was never a caregiver, but I did my best with the kids
during the day while Patty worked. I went to night school and worked on the
weekends while Patty watched the kids. We were never close, but we coexisted
enough for it to work. I was a semester away from graduating, finally
planning a future for myself and Lilian when Patty brought Ben back in the
house. She was pregnant and said it was a sign for them to be a family again. I
was furious. We were a family, but not with him in it. He brought chaos back in
the house. He pitted Patty and me against each other so he could go back to
what he had before: a wife to cook and clean for him and her sister as his
mistress. When I refused him, he threatened to tell the truth about Lilian and
claim her as his. I couldn't stay in that household any longer. That’s why I
came to you to take her.
I should have told you the truth, but I was terrified
that Ben would make good on his threats. Even if she wasn’t Ben’s, her father
was some random nobody who I couldn’t remember their name or face. I remember
thinking back then that the world would be a better place without me, but I
couldn’t leave Lilian alone to suffer. While I never wanted her, I couldn't
risk Ben, or my overzealous sister who would stand by him no matter what he
did, getting custody of her. You saved both our lives when you still wanted to
adopt her after the DNA test. The only thing that gave me any solace was that
you adopted her and Ben nor Patty had the finances to try to take her from you.
I hope this answers the questions that she has. I gave
her the name Lillian after the artist Liliana Lime. My father would always
bring home her faceless dolls for my mother when he came back from
the Dominican Republic . I found them to be creepy until she explained that the
dolls had no faces because Dominican people, all people, were so
diverse, it was best to judge off character and actions than on appearance.
My only hope when Lilian was born was that would be true for her. That her
parentage, my past and mistakes wouldn’t matter. From what you write in your
letter, it sounds like everything worked out the way it should. Digging in the
past does nothing but open old wounds that probably never healed. The best
thing she can do for herself is to live her life. Let nothing define her
besides her character and actions.
Paula
I put the letter down, silent tears streaming from my face.
My dad handed me a Kleenex and I dab my eyes, refusing to look up. Paula was
right; Digging into my past not only opened old wounds but caused new ones.
Benjamin, Bianca and Brittany's father might be my father too? Aunt Patty knew
the whole time? And if he wasn’t my father, it was some random nobody. I
honestly didn’t know which one was worse.
When I finally looked up, Dad and Benjamin were both watching me.
"Did your father ever mention anything about Paula… or
me?” I asked.
He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair.
"No, but he is a classic narcissist. He would never take responsibility or
admit his faults. Half the people in his life don’t even know he has an ex-wife
or kids.”
"Do you have any recollections as far as what happened
back then?" My dad asked.
"I remember my dad moving out the first time. I was
around 12 or 13 and my mom said he wasn't following God's law. I assumed it was
because he drank and smoked all the time. When he moved back in, mom was
pregnant with Bianca." Benjamin said heavily.
“How did Paula react to him moving back in?” My dad
responded.
"I can't say. There were so many fights between my mom
and Paula back then, none of them really stand out. Even after my dad moved out
the first time, it was either silence or blowups between them. Then shortly
after my dad moved back in, you and your mom were gone. I never even thought
about it until you came back in our lives. The family started questioning why
Paula didn't let Mom raise you and cut the entire family off. My mom buried her
head in the sand and pretended nothing was amiss. Even if I showed her this
letter, I don’t think she would confirm or deny it.”
"There is only one way to get the truth. A DNA
test." My dad stated.
I winced at the thought of it. "Would your dad consent
to one? Taking a test would basically admit he slept with Paula.”
Benjamin shrugged. “We don't need him to find out
the truth. We can do a test to see if we have the same father." He
suggested.
I shook my head. "This... is a lot. I need some time to
process everything."
"I understand." Benjamin said disappointed, but I
couldn't help how I felt.
"I'm sorry... I need to go to my room." I said
standing.
"Let me walk you-" My dad offered.
"No. Please. I just need to be alone." I said,
sharply, grabbing Justine and my bag. I quickly made my way to my room. Once
inside, I opened the balcony and took a quick shower before running a hot bath
in the jacuzzi tub. As I relaxed in the tub, I waited for the tears to
fall, but none came. I wasn’t trying to push my feelings away or hold it together.
I wasn’t numb to what I just learned: I felt a sense of sadness for Paula and
Patty. They both lost their mother and father relatively young and instead of
grieving together, they pushed each other away. My mother was so resentful and
callous that she slept with her sister’s husband. Aunt Patty was so insecure
and prideful that she stayed with a man that betrayed her with her sister. As
tragic as their story was, that’s exactly what it was: Their story. It had
nothing to do with me. Maybe their choices led to me being born, but it wasn’t
my story. Paula made sure it wouldn’t be when she let my adopted dad raise me.
The only overwhelming emotion I felt was gratitude. And a little guilt. I got
out of that toxic environment. Benjamin, Brittany and Bianca did not…
I shook the thought out of my head, letting go of that
guilt. Just like Paula wrote, the best thing I could do was live my life, not
live in the shadows of other people’s mistakes. I couldn’t carry the guilt of
other people’s actions. Once the water turned tepid, I drained the bath. Clad
in a fresh bath towel, I sat on the bed, looking at the time. It was still
early in the evening, but I wasn’t hungry or particularly tired. I changed into
pajamas and relaxed in bed, petting Justine until exhaustion finally caught up
with me.
I woke up the next morning, insanely early but completely
refreshed and my heart and my mind in agreement about what I wanted to do. I
texted Benjamin first thing, knowing he and Sandra had an early flight home. I
asked him what time he was planning to leave and we planned to meet up. We met
in the lobby and I hugged both him and Sandra goodbye.
When I pulled away from my hug with Benjamin, I looked him
in the eye. “I’m in. Whatever you want to do, let me know what you need from
me.”
He looked surprised but nodded. “Ok. I will make the
arrangements and be in touch. Thank you.”
“It’s nothing.” I told him, with a sincere smile. Sandra
gave me another deep hug, squeezing me tight and thanking me too.
“I’ll see you soon.” I told them both.
“Christmas for sure!” Sandra beamed, before they left.
Instead of heading back to my room, I went to the concierge
and arranged for a taxi. In less than 10 minutes, Justine and I were on the way
to a Flea Market on the beach I visited when I went ATVing. I picked up
souvenirs for everyone in Santo Domingo, but now I wanted a few things for
myself. I was completing my purchase when my dad called me. I told him exactly
where I was and promised we would meet up the moment I got back to the resort.
I had given Justine water and was pulling out my phone to call a taxi when I
noticed a tattoo shop. I was looking at the designs in the window when an older
woman asked me what I was interested in. I showed her the faceless doll I just
purchased. About 45 minutes later, I was walking out the shop with a small, but
sore tattoo covered up on my chest, above my heart. I called my dad before I
got into a taxi heading back to the resort. He met me and Justine at the lobby
and we walked to my room. On the way, I gave him a brief rundown of my morning.
“I told Benjamin I would take the DNA test. I think it will
answer a lot of questions for him. Either way it goes, he deserves to know the
truth.” I revealed once we got to my room.
“You deserve the truth as well.” My dad added. “And if
Benjamin Senior is not your biological father, I will do whatever I can to help
you find him.”
I took a moment before I responded. “You know what’s weird?
Whenever I thought about my mom, I never imagined my biological father. He was
never in any fantasy I had about reuniting with her.”
“You never wondered who it was?”
“No. As an adult, I realized he didn’t care or was
irresponsible as fuck to not even know he had a kid. But I don’t ever remember
as a kid wondering about him. I still don’t care to know him.” I chuckled,
humorlessly.
I glanced over at him, knowing he must have been deep in
thought if he didn’t reprimand me for my language.
“And also, I didn’t want another dad. I just wanted you to
love me as your daughter.” I confessed.
“I always did.” He swore.
“I know. That’s why the results won’t mean anything to me. I
already know the truth. You have your family by blood and family by choice.
Thank you for choosing to be my dad.”
“It never was a choice. No matter what, you’ve always been
my daughter. I’m proud of you.”
“Yeah, I’m proud of me too.” I smiled. “Wow, that sounded
arrogant huh?”
“Not at all, but you must have been feeling real arrogant to
travel outside the resort alone without telling me.” He mildly scolded me.
I chuckled. “I am my father’s daughter. Proud, arrogant,
stubborn-”
“Alright. That’s enough.” He said, sternly, causing me to
laugh harder.
We separated for dinner when I told him he should spend the
rest of his time doing newlywed stuff with his wife. I gave him suggestions
that was the perfect amount of awkward and inappropriate that he hushed me and
went on his way. After a quick nap, I joined Cam and Jenna for dinner. They
knew something was going on with me and dad when he didn’t freak out about me
leaving the resort, so I filled them in. They both comforted me and wanted to
make sure I was ok, but I could tell Cam was disturbed by this revelation,
especially when I told him I agreed to the DNA test. I told him the same thing
I told dad about it being for Benjamin, not me. He still seemed perturbed, but
we put it out of our mind in favor of a great meal and enjoying our last night.
We went to the night club after dinner and had a few drinks before dancing the
night away. I sometimes dance with Jenna or Cam or with a random stranger. When
my dance partner’s hand moved way too low on my back, before I could even step
away, my brother stepped in. I rolled my eyes as he had a few words with the
random guy before turning to me.
“I never wanted a brother until I met you. You are the best
big brother a girl can ask for.” I said, throwing my arms around him in a hug.
He smiled, and hugged me back, until I gasped in pain- forgetting my sore
chest.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing! Just my tattoo.” I explained.
“Tattoo?” he smirked. I just smiled and pulled Jenna to
dance with him. I twirled away, dancing alone the rest of the night and having
an incredible time.
The next morning, my phone ringing woke me up. I was shocked
to see it was already 10am. I answered my phone and accepted dad’s request to
join them for breakfast before we all headed home. During breakfast with my
dad, Beatrice, Cam and Jenna, I could not help being sadden that we were going
our separate ways. I savored every moment of us hanging out together.
“So Carlos told me you were interested in the foundation?”
Beatrice said, her eyes shimmering with excitement.
I looked at my dad. “Alex told you?”
“No, you did. Yesterday. You thought I was trying to offer
you a job. Why would you think that?” Dad furrowed his eyebrows.
“Umm… The other night I mentioned to Alex I will be
resigning, and he thought I might be a good fit in the foundation.”
“You're resigning?” My dad started.
“You decided?” Cam asked at the same time.
“Yes and yes. My job offered me a promotion that will be a
more managerial role and will take me away from physical therapy. So, instead
of taking a job that I would hate, I decided to resign and spend some time
discovering what I am truly passionate about. I love the work the foundation does,
so I am considering looking into community and social services careers, maybe
taking some classes to learn more.”
“The best education you could get would be on the job. You
can come to California and spend time at the foundation.” My dad offered.
“I have a few things to consider, but I will keep that in
mind.” I said, noncommittally.
“If you move back to California, would you stay with me or
Dad?” Cam grinned, stirring the pot
“Staying with you is not an option. You two are trying for a
baby. You’ll need the extra space.” My dad took the bait.
“We have plenty of space. Besides, you two are newlyweds.
The first year is the hardest, especially since you never lived together.” My
brother countered.
“For you young people maybe. Me and Beatrice are way past
that.” Dad pointed out.
“Hey!” Beatrice injected, slighted.
“Honeymoon over already huh?” Jenna joked and Beatrice and I
laughed
“Guys, it’s only an option! I’m keeping all my options open.
As soon as I decide anything, I will let you know.” I shook my head with a
smile.
We all headed to the airport together before splitting up to
our respected terminals. When we said our goodbyes, I couldn’t help getting
misty eyed. With my job situation undetermined, it was impossible to make plans
as far as when I would see them again. It could be the first holiday Beatrice
and Dad host as a married couple. It could be a baby shower for Jenna and Cam.
I hugged everyone extra tight, tattoo pain be dammed. I pulled my dad to the
side before they left.
“Hey Dad? Can I see the letter you sent Paula?”
“The letter?”
“Yes, the one she responded to. I’m curious to read it if
that’s ok.”
“Of course. I’ll email it to you once we get settled.”
“Sounds good. Love you dad.” I said, embracing him one more
time.
“Love you too Lilian.” Dad responded. I knew with 100%
certainty that he meant it unconditionally. As sad as it was, I never felt that
way before. I never felt that way with anyone. Now, I felt an abundance of love
from him, my family and most importantly, myself.
As I waited for my plane to board, I scrolled through my
social media. Bianca posted photos of our improvised photoshoot at the beach
that she tagged me in. I ignored all the comments and likes and examined the
picture of us together. I always marveled at how much we looked alike, but now
I couldn’t help but wonder if that was because we shared more genes then we
realized. Those thoughts aside, I posted a picture of me and Bianca laughing
and making ridiculous poses on the boat to swim with sharks. I captioned it:
Us without the good angles and lighting.
Bianca replied right away:
…and a bottle of Dominican rum! 😂 Love
you cuz!
I commented that I loved her too before responding to more
comments and posting my favorite pictures from the trip. I was reminded about
Amber’s get together on Sunday with a group event to her “Single as A Dollar
Bill” party. I responded that I was coming, even though I still wasn’t feeling
the event and the theme seemed immature, especially for someone technically
still married. I put my ill feelings and phone away once it was time to board.
I slept most of the flight. Once I arrived back in Dallas, I got an Uber to
take me and Justine home. I sent a text to my dad and brother that I made it
home. I abandoned my bags in the living room before opening the door to let
Justine out to the patio. I set out some food and water for her before I joined
her. While I watched her run around, I drafted a resignation notice for my
job. I wanted to give Dr. Fahri as much time to find my replacement. I
hoped he would consider my recommendation for Dr. Goodman that I included. Once
Justine was tired out and fed, I unpacked my bags and separated my souvenirs.
Afterwards, I planned the rest of my week before going to bed.
The next morning, I woke up bright and early, ready to
conquer my day. I knew Dr. Fahri would be at the office, so I went there first
to rip off the Band-Aid. I was confident in my decision, but I wasn’t sure what
his reaction would be. I went into the team lead office and handed him my
resignation. He didn’t even read it; he looked up at me.
“You’re leaving?” He asked, setting the letter aside.
“Yes, I appreciate the opportunity and your confidence in
me-“ I began but he waved me off.
“Why? Do you have a better offer? We can negotiate.” He
bargained before listening to me.
“No. I have no other options. The reason why I left my last
job was because I wanted a challenge. I was hoping taking on more
responsibilities would help, but I’ve learned I’m not suited for managerial
work. I decided it would be best for me to leave all together and find out what
I am passionate about.”
He looked at me even more confused but blinked it away.
“How long are you giving us?” He asked
“As long as you need to find someone to take the role. I
assumed that would be October, but I am prepared to stay longer if needed. I do
hope you consider my recommendation of Dr. Goodman. He has the experience, the
know-how, and the drive. He’s always willing to listen and step up without
having to be asked. I think he would be amazing as team lead.
“Ok. Thank you for your time.” He said, dismissively.
I was sure what I said went in one ear and out the
other. That was why I made sure to send a copy of my resignation and
recommendation to Dr. Tran. I left the facility and headed to Monica’s job. I
sent her a text letting her know I was on the way so she met me outside by her
car. I originally planned to give it to her at the single’s party, but Trent’s
sister arrived in town unexpectedly, so they were having a family dinner with
her in laws. I gave her a Punta Cana tote bag and a shark amulet for Trent.
“I know how much you like authentic swag. This is a
homemade, designer bag straight from the Dominican Republic and that is a shark
tooth for Trent. Shark energy has good luck. Tell him it might help the
Mavericks.”
Monica busted out laughing, like I knew she would. “Both
thoughtful and petty: Only you would give shady gifts.”
“I do what I can.” I smiled at her. She then told me they
were going out with friends Saturday night and invited me to join
since I wouldn’t be seeing her at the party. I told her I would before she had
to go back to work.
I headed to Amber’s and Sammy’s place next. It was her off
day, but I wanted to catch her before she had to pick up the kids at their
respective camps. I gifted Krista and April jewelry made from locally mined
larimar stone and Robbie a stuffed toy parrot that said a few cute phrases in
Spanish when you squeezed. Amber set aside the hand painted plate and bowl I
picked out for her and started to rattle on about the party on Sunday. She
asked me what all green outfit I was planning on wearing, if I was bringing
anyone and if I wanted to spend the night. I told her I didn’t realize we were
wearing green, Monica wasn’t coming and I wasn’t planning on drinking so I
would head home.
“I don’t care about Monica. I’m talking about a guy friend?”
Amber pouted.
“Uh… no. Maybe Forrest but I don’t know if he will want to
come-“
“No, not Forrest. A guy for you. Who are you talking to
right now?”
“No one.” I said, gathering my things to leave.
“Ok, well if that’s true, I invited some guys from my job-“
I let her go on as I placed Sammy’s white Hennessey and shot
glass and Amanda’s Dominican spices and extracts and apron in Sammy’s room.
Sammy was working and Amanda hadn’t responded about going to the party on
Facebook, but I was sure Sammy would see her before I would. After leaving
Amber, I drove to see Forrest. I gave him Dominican Cigars and the
rum to pair it with. We sat on his porch and I passed on what I learned about
cigar smoking and rum on my trip while he sampled both. We caught up with each
other and it was a little superficial. I told him about leaving my job, he told
me about the new school year. I no longer felt a distance between us. I was so
glad we were moving pass the weirdness with Rocky. I invited him to the party
and he told me he would get back to me.
I picked up lunch and drove to Rocky’s house. After we ate,
I gave her a collection of all-natural cocoa butter products, including a
shampoo, body soap, lotion and lip balm. She used cocoa butter lotion for
stretch marks during her pregnancy and I knew she enjoyed the smell.
“Not me. Forrest loved the smell. He said I smelled like
cookies.” Rocky corrected me, with a soft smile.
Part of me wanted to tell her to reach out to him and figure
their relationship out! But I knew from personal experience she had to be good
on her own, including resolving any feelings from past relationships. I changed
the subject by pulling out a onesie with the Dominican flag for baby Ace and a
matching fedora. She then showed me some of the proofs from the photoshoot she
had with Ace and Brandon. They were beautiful; Ace looked so alert and
adorable. He was the perfect blend of his parents. Rocky and Brandon look great
as well. They both gazed adoringly at Ace and occasionally, at each other.
After seeing the pictures, it just confirmed she still needed time to sort
through her feelings. I was so glad I didn’t mention working things out with
Forrest.
“We should have the finished prints on Saturday. Brandon got
a canvas made and were going to show his parents on Sunday. Deborah is hosting
a big back to school/end of summer dinner for the family. Do you want to come
to?”
“No. Amber is having her party on Sunday. I guess you’re not
going?” I asked.
“Oh, I forgot all about that. Probably not. I thought she
was moving this weekend?”
“I saw Amber today- she talked more about the party than the
logistics of splitting up with Will.” I admitted.
“If you didn’t have plans, are you okay to be around Ethan?”
She asked me concerned.
“I believe so. We talked a little while I was in the
Dominican Republic. I’m actually going over there this evening to have a talk
with EJ.” I started, before I explained to her EJ’s anger and lashing out over
the phone about our breakup.
“When I finished, she shook her head, upset. “Why would you
tell a kid that? Even if it was the truth, it’s completely inappropriate to
involve him in adult relationships.”
“Right? I think it was Megan. And even if he just overheard
it, why does she talk about me anyway? Her energy is always weird around me. I
never understood it.” Rocky gave me a “come on” look, which I returned with
confusion. “What? I really have no idea what I’ve done to her. Besides
date Ethan- she had no problems with his other exes.”
Rocky took a moment before she spoke. “As someone who now
shares a child with an ex-fiancé that I cheated on, I can understand how Megan
feels. It’s gonna be hard enough when Brandon starts dating again.” Rocky
sighed, heavily. “Now, add the fact that Megan inadvertently introduced you to
Ethan. It’s the situation, not that you did anything to her. That doesn’t mean
she doesn’t need to tighten up and watch what she says when EJ is around,
but I can get her not wanting Ethan to date you.”
I thought it over. I could acknowledge it was hard for her.
At the same time, there was nothing I could do about how I met either one of
them and I wouldn’t take it back either. “I guess I can understand that. I can
keep that in mind in my future dealings with her.”
“That’s the way to be the bigger person.” Rocky praised
me.
“Yeah, it sucks.” I pouted.
Rocky smirked. “Would putting Ace’s outfit on him make you
feel better?”
I grinned. “Very much.”
We laughed and put Ace’s new outfit on. I spent way too much
time taking pictures and videos and uploading them to my social media. I lost
track of time until Ethan texted me. I was going to his house last as Megan was
supposed to drop EJ off at Ethan’s house once Ethan got off from work. I texted
him earlier in the day to let me know what time I should come over.
Ethan: We are home. Are you available now?
Me: Yes, on my way
I gave Ace a snuggle and a kiss and Rocky a hug before I
left.
I arrived at Ethan’s house, gift bag in hand. I was nervous,
but only because we had to have a talk with EJ. He never responded to my text,
so I didn’t know how upset he still was and how to go about fixing our
relationship. I knocked on the door and waited. Ethan stepped outside, closing
the door behind him.
I took the opportunity to look him over quickly. Same dark
eyes, hair and skin. Broad shoulders and defined arms on display in a plain
blue t-shirt. Loose jeans so I could barely make out his toned thighs…
Yep, still insanely attractive. “Hey…” I
greeted, looking him in the eyes.
“I wanted to let you know I did speak to EJ earlier.” He
said, quickly.
“I thought we were going to talk to him together.”
“We will, I needed to know who he was repeating. If it was
Megan, I was going to speak to her when she dropped EJ off.”
“Oh… how’d did that go?” I asked.
“It didn’t. He heard it from Krista. Some time last week
during their day camp, she teased him about it. I asked Will, but he had no
idea.”
“Of course not. It was Amber.” I said, annoyed. I knew
without a doubt it was her, she was more invested in Christian and me than I
ever was. Why she chose to have a conversation about my relationship in earshot
of her kids was the only thing that baffled me. I took a deep, calming breath.
“I’ll talk to her. I don’t know if it will help, but I will.”
“Ok.”
“Damn, I feel like I owe Megan an apology. I was like 95%
sure she said something.”
“Me too. I told her about it after I talked to EJ and she
was not happy. She could tell something was wrong with him and wished I would
have told her.”
“I wish I could clear the air with her. I want to be able to
talk to her with no weirdness.” I mused out loud.
“It’s weird between you two?”
“A little. I always thought she didn’t like me, but I think
it’s weird for her to be around me. I’m like a walking, talking reminder of her
fuck ups.” I smiled, wryly.
He grimaced. “I never thought about it like that.”
“Me neither.” I shrugged. “Rocky enlightened me.”
“Ouch.”
I smiled again. “No, she was really nice about it. She can
relate to Megan now and I empathize with that. Now I feel really bad about
automatically thinking she somehow told EJ instead of talking to her.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better, thanks to you pointing
out how I treat her, I talked to her like a friend and not a subordinate that
had my kid.” He quoted me. “We both are going to do better as far as
communicating with one another. It was a good talk.”
“That does make me feel better. Thank you.”
“You ready to have a talk with EJ?” He said, opening the
door for me.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I sighed.
We walked into the living room together. EJ was sitting on
the couch, looking as uncertain as I felt.
“Hey EJ.” I said, smiling at him to try to put him in ease.
“Hey.” He said, standing up to allow me to hug him. I sat
down on the couch next to him. Only because I was watching him, I saw Ethan
hesitate before sitting next to me.
“So how was Florida? Did you enjoy Disney World?” I
asked.
He answered all my questions, but I could feel how
uncomfortable he was. He looked over at Ethan before he spoke to me. Even when
he was weirded out about Ethan and I dating, he was never reserved or
uncomfortable expressing himself to me. I hated how uneasy he seemed around me.
It was crushing.
There was a break in conversation, when I looked over at
Ethan, needing him to lead the talk. Before Ethan could speak, EJ finally
looked up at me. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” Ethan prompted him.
“Being rude and yelling at you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
EJ elaborated, avoiding my eyes.
I took his hand instead. “Thank you for apologizing EJ. In
the future, I want you to talk to me. You can always talk to me about anything.
I may not be able to tell you; somethings are adult issues that you don’t
need to worry about. I will never lie to you though.” I promised him.
“OK. I’m sorry for calling you a liar.”
“I accept your apology.” I smiled at him, giving him another
hug. “Now tell me what you really thought of Disney World? Was it
for babies and girls like the movies?” I teased him with his own critiques of
Disney movies.
“No! It was cool.” EJ finally smiled at me. He asked his dad
if he can get his laptop to show me his videos. Once Ethan agreed, he hopped up
to go get it. He showed me his numerous videos and photos of rides and
attraction, a few pictures with characters his mom forced him to take, the firework
display, the beach and the resort suite they stayed in. I still felt a little
of his discomfort, like he was careful of how he spoke to me. I didn’t let it
bother me. I knew we would eventually rebuild our relationship, with me being
an adult guidance in his life and not just a friend. I pulled out my gift bag
and showed him all the authentic Dominican Republic snacks and treats I brought
back for him. He thanked me profusely and asked Ethan if he could invite Jayden
to his Grandparent’s house over the weekend so he can film a new video. When
Ethan agreed, he jumped up to get his phone and call Jayden.
After he left the room, Ethan cleared his throat, one of his
few nervous tells. “This weekend I invited Will and his kids to my parent’s
place to go swimming. We’ll probably do pizza Saturday night and my mom is
going to cook on Sunday. You are welcomed to come.”
I smiled at him, genuinely. “Thanks for the invite, but I’m
going to spend some time with Monica and Amber is having a party on Sunday.
Hopefully, I can talk to her then.”
“Sounds good.” He said, looking like he wanted to say more,
but didn’t.
“What is it?“ I asked, concerned.
“Nothing.”
I looked at him skeptically, before he spoke up.
“I wanted to ask if you know what’s going on with Amber?
That’s the real reason Will is getting the kids out the house so he can try to
talk to her while she moves out. I’m only hearing Will’s side of everything,
but he really doesn’t know what to do. I know it’s unfair to ask or to put you
in that position, but that’s what’s on my mind.”
“I couldn’t answer if I wanted to. I have no idea. But, your
right. I plan to stay completely out of their divorce. I will let you know if I
have any concerns about the kids. I won’t stay neutral about that.”
“I’ll do the same.” He agreed, standing up. I stood up too,
pulling my last gift out of the bag.
“You didn’t think I forgot your souvenir, did you?”
“I hoped so.” He said, taking the bag from me. He reached
into the bag and pulled out the Lime doll. This one had dark skin, a yellow and
white striped dress and matching hat and was holding a single lily. I
originally picked her out for me, as I already gotten Ethan a figurine of a
turtle. As I already had the image of the doll tattooed on my chest, I decided
to give it to Ethan instead.
He studied it, curiously for a moment. “It’s not an animal.”
“No, I decided to switch up this time.” I said simply.
He traced his finger over the lily before meeting my eyes.
“No story behind this one?”
“Nope. What you see is what you get.” I answered.
He nodded. “Understood. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I hugged him and EJ goodbye before I left.
Friday, I made myself breakfast before going to a boxing
class. I then went grocery shopping. Once I was home and had everything put
away, I tried to give Amber a call. I was hoping she was still awake as she was
off on Thursday, but one look at social media confirmed she was out late
Thursday night. I really wanted to talk to her before the party, but
worst-case scenario, I planned to get there early to talk. I pulled up my
laptop and began researching into career options. I found out what type of
education I might need to work in community and social services, what skill
sets were useful, and what the job outlook was. I crossed referenced what I
found with the website for my dad’s foundation and came up with a good starting
list of questions. I emailed them to Alex before I updated my resume and
browsed a few career building websites to see if anything interesting pulled up
with physical therapy. I was emailing Derek, my old boss who was now a physical
therapist director for a children’s hospital, to ask about his career path when
I saw Alex emailed me back.
Lily,
Here’s my number. Give me a call when you’re available so we
can talk.
I rolled my eyes but gave him a call. He answered all my
questions and went into great details of what he saw for the future of Un
Flaisito al Catche, which included expanding the board, increasing their funds
and of course, opening more locations. He mentioned he would be between
California and the Dominican Republic for the next 6 months as three new
centers where already in progress. He offered for me to shadow him for a week
or so in California. I was sure he spoke to my dad because he suggested the
same thing. I told him the same thing I told my dad: I would keep it in mind. I
was searching for other nonprofits in the Dallas area when Forrest texted me.
Forrest: You planning on drinking at this party? You
want me to drive?
Me: Not enough to need a designated driver. You
know Rocky is not coming right?
Forrest: I heard. We still cool to hang out?
Me: Of course!!! I just wanted to make sure. I
don’t even know how long I’m gonna stay at the party to be honest. You wanna
hang out tomorrow too? I’m getting dinner with Monica and her friends. It’ll be
sophisticated fun
Forrest: Sure, if you explain why you don’t even
want to go to this party.
Me: Deal. If you drive tomorrow, I’ll drive Sunday. I
bought White Hennessy back that I want you to try.
Forrest: Just let me know what time
Saturday, I spent doing laundry and preparing to go out.
After folding and putting away my clothes, I picked out my outfits. For dinner
with Monica’s friend, I chose the outfit that Bianca wanted me to wear to the
rehearsal dinner: a navy wraparound halter top and matching high waisted pants.
For Sunday, I picked a camouflage hoodie and black distressed short shorts.
Both were comfortable and cute and covered my new tattoo that I was keeping
moisturized with Vaseline and out of the sun. I took a shower and washed, blow
dried and straightened my hair. I pulled my hair up in a messy bun, pulling out
strands to frame my face and curl like Beatrice did on my hair in Vegas. I kept
my makeup simple with a tinted moisturizer, concealer, mascara and a mauve lip
balm. I was in the middle of applying a shimmering body spray on my legs and arms
when my phone rang. I saw it was Monica and I turned down my music
to answer on speaker phone.
“Hey girl. I’m finishing up getting ready. I should be
heading out in 15 minutes.”
“So you are still planning to come?” Monica asked,
quizzingly.
“Yeah… Forrest is coming too. He should be on his way to
pick me up If I’m still invited.” I said, concerned by her tone.
“Of course you are but I just found out Uriel is coming. He
originally wasn’t, but his plans changed.” Monica informed me. “I still want
you to come but I wanted to give you a heads up just in case you don’t want to
see him.”
“Yeah, I still want to come. I want to hang at with you and
everyone. Uriel doesn’t affect that.” I answered.
“Oh great. I’m glad, don’t let him run you off. And besides,
Trent thinks Uriel wants to see you. See you soon!”
“Wait, what?” I said to an empty line. I shook my head as I
put my phone down to finish getting ready. I put on my self-love necklace and
grabbed my purse before leaving. I only had a passing curiosity of if and why
Uriel wanted to see me. I meant what I said to Monica. I wanted to spend time
with her and Trent and their friends, give or take Uriel.
Forrest picked me up right on time and on the car ride over,
I told him about Amber’s recent loose lips and looser behavior as a married
woman doing the absolute most. Forrest chuckled at me and asked how I planned
to handle it. I told him I was going to let her talk, get out her emotions,
apologies and whatever else was on her mind before I told her she needs to slow
down; take things one at a time, and focus on her and her kids wellbeing before
anything or anyone else.
“So a classy mind your own business?” Forrest smiled at me.
I laughed. “Yes! That Part!”
That led to me playing “That Part” by Schoolboy Q and Kanye
West. It was just like old times, him rapping along to Schoolboy Q will I took
on Kanye’s part. I recorded us rapping and dancing along in the car, before
sharing it to Instagram with the Caption: Mood
We arrived in a jovial mood at the restaurant that was super
crowded and next to a live music venue. I called Monica as Forrest parked in a
nearby garage to see where to find them. She instructed me to tell the hostess
I was part of the Zhang party. Once we made it to the hostess stand, I did just
that. She pointed us to the stairs and elevator to the roof top. I was wearing
heels, so we picked the elevator. We found them immediately, occupying the lone
rooftop airstream.
“Geez, yall can’t just do a regular people dinner? It’s
gotta be a private room-hibachi table-airstream event.” I said, loudly over the
music from the outdoor concert you could view from the rooftop.
“Now you know regular is not in my vocabulary.” Monica
popped up, looking stunning in a brown leather mini dress and strappy
stilettos. Her hair looked freshly blown out, makeup flawless with her smile
brightening the entire rooftop. Her energy was so infectious, I gladly soaked
it in as I hugged her.
“Apparently! Can I be you when I grow up?” I squeezed her.
She pulled away and shrugged, playfully. “If you study hard
and pay attention, I don’t see why not.”
“Please don’t make her head any bigger than it already is.”
Trent mock whispered in my ear as I gave him a one armed hugged.
“What was that?” Monica called out.
“Nothing.” Trent answered with a little grin.
“Everyone, this is my no B.S-football compadre-faithful
foodie-love guru- homie Forrest.” I said, introducing Forrest proudly.
“Couldn’t just say my name?” Forrest grinned over their
laughter.
“Nope. Not good enough for you.” I grinned back, before
saying hello to everyone I knew and introducing myself to the few I didn’t.
Uriel stood and I gave him a one-armed hug too before Trent introduced me to
his sister Natalie. I gave her a wave and told her it was nice to meet her
before I sat down in the middle of the airstream, right between Forrest and
Monica.
Deanna, Monica’s sister who was sitting on Forrest’s side,
turned to look at me and Forrest. “Is this your ex with a son?” She asked me.
“No.” We both said, simultaneously.
“Should I reintroduce you?” I taunted.
“No. I’m Forrest. No kids, never dated her.” Forrest said,
reaching out his hand to shake hers.
“Why not?” Deanna asked, caressing his hand in hers.
“It’s not obvious? She’s kinda crazy.” Forrest stated.
“In the best way.” I added.
“Sure, keep telling yourself that.” He said, causing us both
to laugh
After Forrest and I ordered drinks and Monica assured me
plenty of food was on the way, I fell into the conversation with everyone. Over
the music, everyone caught up with what they’ve been doing over the summer.
Monica and Trent went on their yearly trip to visit her family in Chicago, were
she lamented how they were pushing her to have a baby. I understood where she
was coming from, but couldn’t help to mention how cute I thought their baby
would be. She asked me if Rocky thought Ace’s poops, vomit and cries were cute,
which I conceded. He was adorable, but the cries and waste that came out of
him, not so much. I was more than happy to share my stories and pictures from
the Dominican Republic.
“Is that Noelle?” Natalie squeaked, when she saw the picture
of us with the fire dancers at my dad’s dress rehearsal.
“Yeah, Bianca is my cousin. They’re dating.” I nodded.
“Ohmygod! You did not tell me you know someone who knows
Noelle!” Natalie elbowed Trent.
“Doesn’t matter.” Trent replied plainly. Natalie glowered at
him.
“How did I not know Bianca is your cousin?” Michelle chimed
in.
“Um, it’s not something I really think about. The whole
Noelle and TV stuff happened last year. I’m still getting use to it.” I
shrugged.
The food came out and as we ate, the conversation turned to
work. I listened to them excitedly chat about their work picking back up in
anticipation of the start of the regular season, the new players and coaches on
the team and how they thought the Mavericks would do this year.
“You’re suspiciously quiet over there Lily.” Uriel spoke to
me, giving me a charming smile. I looked at him, surprised. It was the first
time he addressed me, besides saying hello.
“Especially after you gave me a good luck shark tooth. You
think we need it more than your Lakers?” Trent tried to provoke me.
I smiled at him. “Nope, you will not drag me into this
conversation. I have no dog in this fight.”
“Isn’t your clinic in association with the Mavericks?”
Wesley asked me.
“I just gave my resignation. So when the season starts, I
probably won't even be working for them.” I revealed.
“Are you serious?” Monica gasped.
I nodded.
“But why? You let the boys club run you off?” She accused,
pointedly.
“Absolutely not. It’s just not where my passion is anymore.”
I simplified.
There was an awkward moment after I spoke, where no one said
anything. Forrest broke the silence by lifting his glass to me. “To finding
your passion.”
“Cheers to that.” I toasted him before sipping my
wine. Everyone joined the toast before they decided to guess new passions for
me. I took it with stride and laughed at the more ridiculous suggestions. It
also opened a debate that Natalie was having with Trent. Apparently, he nor his
parents approved of her following her boyfriend to California after graduating to
work an unpaid internship. He was trying to convince her to move to Dallas and
find a paying job using her degree or go back to school for something more
specific than comparative media studies. I stayed out of that debate; as
someone who had a doctorate but didn’t know what my passion in life was, I
understood both sides. When the debate died down, I proposed another toast to
having friends and family always support you, even if they didn’t always agree
with you.
After eating, we took pictures and hung out until the
reservation on the airstream ended. A handful of people left while the
remainder of us moved to the bar. I checked to make sure Forrest still wanted
to hang out, and he was all for it. Apparently, he and Deanna found a lot to
talk about, because they were talking among themselves at the end of the bar.
Monica gave me a hopeful glance looking at them, which I did not respond to. We
ordered drinks, people watched and enjoyed the music. Or at least I did. Monica
teased me for loving the Fleetwood Mac cover band.
“Sometimes I forget you’re mixed.” She grinned at me as I
twirled and sang along to “Dreams”
I laughed. “First of all, music has no color. Fleetwood Mac
is universal. This song got me through some breakups.”
“This song is about a breakup?” Tori asked.
“Yes! It’s like a classy fuck you!” I exclaimed as Tori
laughed.
“Did it get you through the breakup with Uriel?” Monica
asked. I sputtered on the sip I was drinking while Wesley and Trent laughed.
Uriel sent Monica a warning look, but she looked unphased.
She looked at me expectantly.
“No, it wasn’t that deep.” I answered, finishing my drink.
After a moment, Uriel asked, “What was it then?”
“You wanna do this now?” I challenged him.
“Why not? You blocked me and everyone is in our business
anyway. I thought things were going okay between us.”
“Okay is good enough for you?” I asked, even though I was surprised
he described us that positively.
“Good enough for a conversation on why you wanted to end
thing, not a note too short to be a dear John letter.”
Natalie, Tori and Wesley looked amused while Trent frowned.
Monica just watched us, taking it all in. I grabbed his arm and pulled him away
from the bar. We found an unoccupied corner on the rooftop facing the street.
“You’re right. At that point, I just needed it to be over,
but I should have had a conversation with you.” I rationalized, sincerely.
“Can we have the conversation now?” He requested.
“Honestly, we just weren’t compatible. We had nothing in
common besides sex, and that didn’t even last.” I thought out loud.
“What do you mean?” Uriel questioned me.
“We agreed when we were just fooling around, but I wanted to
stop having sex if we were going to date. That didn’t happen.”
“Is that why you ended things? Because I still wanted to
have sex?”
“No, because you didn’t respect my boundaries or my
feelings.” I replied.
“When did I disrespect you?”
“The last time we slept together, when did I say I changed
my mind about sleeping with you?”
He was silent for a moment, before he shook his head and
took a step back. “So I forced you?” He muttered, incredulously.
“I didn’t say that. I could have got up. I should have left.
I wish I did enforce my boundaries, but I didn’t. That’s on me. I own that.“ I
took a deep breath before continuing. “You need to own the fact that you can
be selfish, arrogant and borderline entitled. That and the fact we have
nothing in common, is why I ended the relationship.”
“Selfish, arrogant and borderline entitled.” He repeated
before running his fingers through his hair
“Look, I don’t think you’re a bad guy, just bad for me. I
want a partnership and you want to be head of household. There’s nothing
wrong with that, we have different wants.“ I tried to soften the blow, but it
was true. There might be someone who could cater to him or challenge him to
evolve. I just wasn’t that person. “Now I feel like I owe you a drink.” I
joked, trying to lighten the mood, feeling a little guilty. Not that I spoke my
truth, but I did it now instead of a phone call back then.
“Let’s go get that drink.” He said, glibly.
We rejoined the group at the bar and I ordered a round of
shots. Everyone was watching us inquisitively, but we didn’t acknowledge their
looks. Forrest asked if I was good, and I told him I was great. When the vodka
shots were in front of us, Uriel held his up to me.
“To Dreams?” He said dryly. I rolled my eyes but tapped
glasses with him.
“Dreams!” I cheered him.
We stayed until the cover band was over, dancing, singing
and talking over the music. Landslide was the last song of the night, and
Monica drunkenly declared she knew this song. She, Tori and I put our arms
around each other and swayed and sang the lyrics together. Or most of the
lyrics, a few of them were mumbled. All and all, it was a great night. Forrest
dropped me off safely at home and I had a dreamless sleep.
I woke up late Sunday morning and decided to
treat myself to brunch. I went to a French café that Bianca and I
discovered on one of her trips to visit me that was pet friendly. I sat on the
patio, with Cafe au Lait, Florentine Crepes and an almond croissant. I texted
Amber while I was there to see if she had time to talk. She told me she was
busy getting ready but would see me at the party. She also texted me a remind
me to wear green. I forwarded it to Forrest, who called me back.
“Would you be disappointed if I didn’t come?” He asked me.
“No… in fact, if it can get me out of the party too, I will
be your bestie for life.”
“Can’t help ya. I have plans. Besides, I like being your no
B.S. football partner -faithful foodie- homie“
I laughed. “No, you totally screwed that up.”
“Whatever it is. I’m fine with that.”
“What are your plans?”
“Let me see how it goes, then I will tell you.”
“Ok, bye homie.”
“Bye Lily.”
I went home, took a shower and returned Benjamin’s phone
call. He advised he would be sending me an email with clinics in Plano I can go
to for the DNA test. I did ask him if he planned to talk to his mom, dad,
Bianca or Britany. He told me he understood if I needed to, but he wanted to
wait until the results of the DNA test. I reminded him I was doing this for
him, so I would follow whatever he needed. Once I got off the phone, I found
the email and set up the appointment for Wednesday morning. I put my phone and
laptop away and laid down to rest. I woke up a couple of hours later, realizing
it was an hour until the party started. I was planning to get there early to
help and check in with Amber and Sammy. It seemed like they were both using
work or party planning to distract from the fact that their relationships
ended. I wanted to be a listening ear if they needed to vent, but I also needed
to speak to Amber. I got dressed quickly, brushed out my hair and traded makeup
and jewelry that I didn’t have time to put on for my sparkly gold Giuseppe Zanotti
sneakers. I grabbed my purse and headed to their place. I arrived 20 minutes
before the party. It took a minute or so after I knocked before
Amber opened the door. She was wearing a white oversized shirt, her hair bone
straight with blinged out hair clips in the shape of dollar signs. She
eyed me up and down, her eyes still caked in setting powder.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were getting ready over here! You’re
cutting it close.” She said, letting me into the apartment. It was completely
green- all shades of green balloons with gold strings all over the living room.
There was a huge dollar bill cutout that took up an entire wall. There were
green and money decorations everywhere. I was in awe as Amber hurried back to
the hallway.
“Sammy is in her room. I’ll be there once I’m done with my
makeup. I need my mirror.” She explained as she left. I snapped out of the
extravagance of the room and followed her. She was sitting at her vanity,
finishing up her makeup.
“Hey, can we talk for a minute?” I asked her.
“Sure, what’s up?” She chirped, blending in her makeup.
“Are you doing ok?”
“Yes! Just need to finish so I can set up the music and set
out the food. Do you mind doing that? There are deli trays in the fridge, then
go get ready chicka!”
“Uh, no. I need to talk to you.” I turned her down. She
scowled at me, but then her phone rang. “Excuse me.” She picked it up. After 3
minutes of listening to her cackle with whoever she was on the phone with, I
left and went to Sammy’s room. I knocked twice before I heard a come in. I
opened the door to see her sitting cross legged on her bed, typing on her
laptop.
“Hey, whatcha doing?” I asked her.
“Going over the holiday calendar for the rest of the year.
It’s the busiest time but some of the girls want to spend time with their
‘family’.” She air quoted.
I wanted to make a joke about the audacity of these girls to
want to spend time with their alleged family, but I sat down on the bed. “You
know you have a party happening in 15 minutes. In your living room, that looks
like a rap video shoot. That apparently, I’m underdressed for.”
She nodded as I spoke. When I said nothing else, she looked
up at me. “Um, yeah. Is that what your wearing? Did Amber freak when she saw
you?”
“No, because she thinks I’m getting ready with you.” I
smiled.
“Let me get dressed.” Sammy said, closing her laptop and
scooting off the bed. She complained about how Amber moved all her crap in
Saturday then spent all night transforming the living room with a group of her
friends from work as she got dressed. I asked Sammy if Amber talked to her
about the kids or custody at all.
“No…” She came out of her bathroom, a green mini dress
clingy to her curvy frame. “You don’t think she’ll bring them here right?”
I shrugged. “We haven’t talked about anything but this damn
party. I thought this was going to be chill, just hanging out and talking. I
already tried to talk to her. I have no idea what’s going on with her. Or you.
Are you ok? I mean, of course you’re not. How are you holding up?”
Sammy went back to the bathroom but kept the door open. “I’m
fine. It’s the same shit different day for me. You know Corey and I
broke up before over the whole moving in together bullshit. We didn’t fight
about it, but his wants didn’t change and neither did mine. Then he got busy
with school, I got busy with work. The sex was awful. We weren’t spending time
together. I asked for a break to rethink our relationship. He just… accepted
that I was right, and that we couldn’t compromise on what we wanted. He decided
to make it a permanent break.”
I listened to what she was saying, but I also heard what she
didn’t say. The first time they split, Corey did everything he could to win her
back. I don’t know if she was expecting him to do that this time, or if she
really needed time to reassess their relationship. Either way, in her
explanation she never said a breakup was what she wanted. “I’m sorry Sammy. I
know how it feels to love someone and just not be in the same place with them
anymore.” I said, joining her in the bathroom.
“It’s all good. Boys are like buses. Miss one, there’s
another one coming.” She claimed, setting the red lipstick down. I would have
believed her bravado, if I didn’t see the sadness in her smokey green glittered
covered eyes.
“Sammy-“ I started softly.
“Speaking of boys.” She cut me off, looking down to apply a
cat liner to her eyes. “Amber invited single guys from her job. A few
specifically for you. Do you want to borrow some clothes? Or makeup?”
“Nope. Even if I was interested, if he doesn’t like my
hoodies and bare face, he doesn’t get me all dressed up either.”
Sammy chuckled. “Sure girl.”
Once Sammy was dressed, we went out to the living room.
Amber in her sequin green romper and full face of makeup was not happy with my
refusal at another outfit, but she gave up when she saw I wasn’t budging. Plus,
she had to focus on getting the music going. Sammy helped her attach her laptop
to the sound speaker while I helped myself to a beer. In the kitchen, I saw
there were a couple bags of chips sitting out next to a sandwich, fruit and
veggie tray. I opened a bag to get fresh chips to snack on with my beer.
Amber’s cousin Heather came over first, with her hookah that
they set up on the patio. The patio was my favorite part of the apartment. It
was on the smaller side, but big enough for a small table and 3 folding chairs.
The gate enclosing the patio opened and a short stone path led you to the pool.
You could hear the water from the fountain on the patio, so it was very zin. I
nabbed me a chair and sipped on my beer as Heather set up the hookah. She was
filling me in on her boyfriend and how they were discussing marriage when Amber
came outside.
“Hey you two! Lily this is Rick from my hospital. He is a
radiology tech and loves sports as much as you do. Do you have the hookah set
up Heather?”
“Yep, all done.” She replied.
“Come on, I want to show you something in my room.” Amber
grabbed her arm, pulling her away, leaving Rick alone with me.
“Wow, that was subtle.” I said, sarcastically.
“Yeah. I promise I’m not pathetic. I can get my own dates.”
He grinned, sitting down.
“Right.” I smiled, thankful he was in the same boat of not
wanting a set up.
“So how does this thing work?” Rick asked me, pointing to
the hookah.
“Oh, Heather already set it and added everything. Just get a
new tip.”
“Oh, so just suck and blow?”
“Exactly.” I chuckled.
He took a deep drag and exhaled, clearly knowing what he was
doing.
“So… do you like to suck and blow?” he asked me.
“Not at all. Excuse me.” I stood up to go back inside the
apartment. Once inside, I saw that Jake, Dino, Staci and Daniel arrived. I made
a beeline for them to say hello. I didn’t know if it would be awkward around
Dino because of Jake, or Daniel because of Ethan, but anything was better than
flirting with suck and blow guy.
“Hey!” I said, greeting them all and giving Staci and Dino a
hug. “Good to see y’all. Although, I’m sure this is a singles party.”
“Technically, we’re all single until marriage.” Daniel
smiled at me, while Staci side eyed him.
“Oh really? Bet!” Staci declared, giving me a wink before
unlinking her arm from Daniel’s and walking off.
“You’ll be back.” He called, as he followed her.
“They are so dysfunctional.” Dino chuckled. “Like for real,
I thought Stacy was the crazy one till I saw them together.”
“It’s kinda cute. They match each other’s crazy. It’s a
crazy cute.” I smiled along with Dino.
“I’d rather be boring.” Jake commented.
“So, I’m boring?” Dino raised an eyebrow at him.
“No, just not crazy.” he wrapped his arm around her waist.
“The opposite of crazy is sane, not boring. Why did you say
boring?” She playfully debated him.
“You know what I meant.”
“Y’all are not boring but, there is an expert at
sucking and blowing on the patio if you need some excitement.” I recommended to
them.
“Hell no!” They both exclaimed together, causing me to
laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Richard asked as he joined us.
“Threesomes.” I laughed at him.
“The three of you?” He said, approvingly. “A little Ray J in
the background.” He mocked me.
“What?” Dino gasped, looking between us.
“N-No.” Jake stammered, making me laugh harder.
“Ignore him; he’s just fucking with me. Talk to y’all
later.” I said between laughter, pulling Richard away. “Don’t be a dick. And
fyi, you’re my imaginary date for the night.” I informed him.
“No can do. Someone else already requested my services.” He
said, nodding to Sammy who was waving him down. I saw she was standing next to
Amber and Rick, so I let him go rescue her. Thankfully, there was no one on the
patio when I went back out. Sammy and Richard eventually joined me. We passed
around the hookah and talked freely. Mostly making fun of the concept of a
divorce party before there was a divorce.
“I commend them on actually getting married. Can you imagine
being that committed to someone or the idea of someone that you can actually
say the vows?” Richard murmured.
“Maybe someday. I hope.” I answered. “I don’t know. I’m
stuck between wanting a husband and family or being the cool Aunt that travels
all the time and comes home on the holidays with a new man.” I envisioned out
loud, with a smile.
Richard grinned at me. “Why can’t you do both? Open marriage
and a nanny. Boom.”
“I think it’s stupid. Marriage as a concept is dumb. It’s a
piece of paper. Nothing more, nothing less.” Sammy said, pouring a healthy
glass of white Hennessey.
“Give me your car title, your birth certificate, social
security card and all the money in your bank.” I ordered her.
“Is there crack in this hookah? Fuck No!” she exclaimed.
I smirked at Sammy. “Why not? There all just pieces of
paper.”
She frowned. “You missed the point. Those mean something.
Marriage means nothing.”
“No, you missed the point. Marriage means whatever you want
it to mean. If you find someone who agrees with what that is, it can be
whatever you want.” Richard said softly, looking into Sammy’s eyes. I felt the
tension between the two, and I suddenly felt like a third wheel. Did something
happen between them?
Sammy snorted, breaking the tension. “That’s bullshit. How
can you agree you are going to agree for the rest of your life? People change,
feelings change.” She said, breaking eye contact with him to look at me. “Back
me up here Lily.”
“I think if you have unconditional love with someone, you
should be able to work through those changes.” I reasoned.
“So you didn’t love Trevor or Ethan or Jake
unconditionally?” She confronted me.
“No. I didn’t even love myself unconditionally. It’s a
cliché, but you really can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.”
We all sat there silently for a couple of minutes, until
Amber interrupted the silence.
“What the hell? I threw this party for us and y’all are
hiding out here. Get inside and fucking talk to people!” She demanded, hands on
her hips.
“Oh, go fuck yourself.” Sammy muttered under her breath.
“What?!?!” Amber shrieked.
“Love yourself. We were talking about loving yourself.” I
answered quickly.
“Yeah yeah yeah. Love yourself inside.” She whipped around
to head inside. We all got up and followed. They headed for the living room
while I went into the kitchen. I needed another drink and food to wash it down
with so I could leave soon. I pulled out my phone to check the time and saw
that EJ text me a photo. It was the package of cocoa balls asking me what they
were.
Me: They are cocoa balls. Mix them with hot milk or
water for cocoa.
EJ: 😂🤣Jayden ate two
and got sick lol
Me: Your dad couldn’t read the package?
EJ: No, he told me to ask you.
Me: Aww, sorry it took so long to respond. Try them
again the right way.
EJ: I will. The MoFongo Snax chips were my fav
Me: Spoiler alert! When you gonna post the video?
EJ: Prolly tomorrow.
Me: Ok. Have a good night!
EJ: U too.
I headed to the kitchen, texting Ethan on the way.
Me: You couldn’t read the packaging on the cocoa
balls?
I grabbed another beer and a plate but was surprised to find
no other food had been brought or cooked besides what Amber originally set out.
The only thing left was the vegetable tray and chip crumbles. I gave Ethan 5
more minutes, but when he didn’t respond, I put my phone away and joined
everyone in the living room.
“There she is! So nice you finally joined us.” Amber
announced my arrival. I was unpleasantly surprised to see her sharing a chair
with Q, my coworker and her emotional affair partner. I reminded myself it was
none of my concern and gave him a little smile and wave.
“Salad, guacamole, grapes, pesto.” I listed, sitting next to
Staci.
“What?” Amber bellowed.
“Plantains, kiwis, artichoke, green eggs and ham.” I
continued.
“What are you talking about?” Staci stopped whatever
conversation she was having with Daniel to ask me.
“Green food we could have brought instead of all these
decorations since all the food is gone.” I replied, giving Amber a glare.
Everyone in listening distance laughed as Amber rolled her
eyes. “We can order pizza or something.”
“Spinach pizza.” I told her.
Others started shouting out pizza request while Amber took
the order. After the food was ordered, we sat around, playing never have I
ever. I pretended to sip my beer when things applied to me. As the game got
raunchy and more personal, I stopped playing all together. I pulled out my
phone and Ethan finally texted me back.
Ethan: I could have, but I wanted EJ to call
you. I didn’t think they would try to eat it before talking to you.
Me: Apparently Jayden got sick. Is he ok?
Ethan: He’s fine. He thought they were chocolate
truffles. He said one of them were hot and I figured out some of them have red
pepper.
Me: Ok, EJ said lol so I assumed all was good.
This has been the most he talked to me, besides his apology 😄
Ethan: Can I call you?
Me: Of course
I got up and made my way to the patio. A few moments later,
Ethan called me. I picked up right away.
“EJ was harder on himself then you were. He needed that push
to see you were not mad at him. That’s why I told him to call you.” Ethan
explained
“Thank you. I was worried there for a minute. I don’t
know what was worse, him being mad at me or him thinking I was mad at him.” I
revealed.
“He didn’t like it either, but he’s been in a much better
mood.”
“Yeah? How was the back-to-school bonanza?”
He chuckled. “It was interesting. We bought a tent, thinking
they would want to camp in the backyard. They were all for it until they
discovered there wasn’t enough outlets to charge their devices.”
I laughed. “Ohmigosh, no they didn’t!”
“Yes, they did. They all ended up back in the house.
Including Robbie, he wanted to watch TV.”
“So you know what that means? They need a wireless weekend.”
“They went without their devices for 3 hours top. We played
games and let them decorate cupcakes.”
“Save me any?” I asked.
“No, but I have pictures.”
“Send them to me.”
“I put them on SnapChat.” He informed me
“Seriously?!? You Snapchatted? I feel like a proud mom right
now.”
“Relax.” He replied, making me smile. We got off the phone
shortly after and I got on his Snapchat. Sure enough, he documented the weekend
with photos of them in the pool, running around the tent, playing Uno and
decorating cupcakes. It was so sweet. I was going through them for a second
time when Richard poked his head outside.
“Pizza’s here!”
“Coming!”
I went inside and grabbed a plate. Thankfully, never had I
ever was over and everyone was just chatting as we ate. I ate my spinach pizza,
alternating between checking the time and listening to them talk about their
job at the hospital, who was sleeping with who, and other mindless gossip. Once
it reached 10pm, I started to say my goodbyes to leave.
“Really? It’s so early.” Staci frowned at me as I said
goodbye to her and Daniel.
“Yeah, I have to be at work tomorrow.” I said, giving her a
hug.
“You just put in your resignation. Call in!” Amber
encouraged me.
“You did?!?” Q questioned me.
“We can talk about work at work. Bye everyone.” I said,
trying to hide my annoyance as I turned to leave.
“Wait Lily.” Amber said. I turned back to her, warily.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t thinking.”
She apologized.
“It’s ok.”
“That’s all?” Amber said contemptuously.
“Yes, that’s all. We can talk about this later.”
“No, we won’t. Because you don’t talk to me. You just blow
me off.” She whined.
“Amber-“ Sammy tried to stop her.
“No! You go out with Monica or Staci or Rocky or Forrest,
all dressed up and dancing and take tons of pictures and have fun.” She
continued, ranting at me. “I have to beg you to come out and you wear a hoodie
and barely speak and have this stuck-up lame ass attitude and I’m just sick of
it.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. Why don’t we set up a time to
talk about it-“I tried to calm her.
“Oh PLEASE stop with the therapist mumbo jumbo bullshit.
Just be real. Is it because of Mia? Or Q? Or because I didn’t want you to date
Ethan-“
I counted to 10 as she rambled on before I stopped her.
“That therapy bullshit helped me figure my shit out. I’m sorry if that makes me
lame or stuck-up but that’s where I am right now. I’m here for you if you want
to talk, but not like this.” I said before telling everyone goodbye and
leaving.
On the drive home, I mulled over what Amber said, angrily.
There really was no fucking merit to anything she said at all. I will admit, I
did not feel as comfortable opening up to her or inviting her out with me
because of her helping Christian pop up on me and her telling Mia all my
business. I was working through it and giving her the benefit of the doubt
because she was going through a rough time. I had been reaching out to her all
week. The only reason I went to the party was for her. I wasn’t even going to
go off on her about gossiping about my relationship in front of her children!
Her confronting me in front of everyone and insulting my therapy was
ridiculous. Honestly, she should look into therapy for herself.
Once I got home, I calmed completely. I decided to keep my
distance from Amber. I did the same with Rocky when things became too toxic
between us to continue the way it was going. I feared the same for me and Amber.
I would love her from a distance and if she came around, I would be there for
her. I checked my phone before I got into bed and texted my friends back and
let them know I made it home. I saw that I had a notification for an
email from my dad. I opened it and read the letter he sent to Paula.
Paula,
When you decided not to be a mother, I believed it was for
the best. You made that choice, and I had no second thoughts about you not
being in Lillian’s life. I didn’t think about what could have drove you to that
decision. Quite frankly, I didn’t care. That was wrong. I thought your presence
would do more harm than good, so I did what I thought was best by making sure
you would never be a part of her life. I’ve learned that what I think is best
isn’t best for everyone. That couldn’t be more true with our daughter. She told
me once she had a dream of reconnecting with you and I felt like a failure. I
genuinely believed if I gave her everything she needed, she wouldn’t want for
you. That was foolish. I could have done more to help you, to figure out what
was going on and why you couldn’t raise her, but I didn’t want to. If I’m
honest, I always knew she wasn’t my biological child and when you gave me the
chance to adopt her, I took it. I wanted her as my daughter. I didn’t think
about what you were going through. I didn’t think what Lily would go through
without a mother. I told her so many times you were the selfish one, but I
was.
Despite my mistakes and selfishness, she is a beautiful,
independent, willful, smart and generous woman. I’m proud to call her my
daughter. I’m hoping that with the truth, I can right my wrongs. I can give her
the clarity she desperately needs. All I ask is that you will answer the
questions I should have asked before I adopted her. Why did you leave? Why
couldn’t you raise her? Do you know who her biological father is? I
truly hope you consider my words and do what is best for our daughter. I say
our daughter, because even though you chose not to raise her, you gave birth to
her. You did the best you could for her in giving her up for adoption. Please
help me do the best I can for her by telling her the truth. With the truth, she
can make her own decisions and do what she thinks is best going forward in her
life. And, if you wanted to be a part of her life, I would be nothing but
supportive of that. If you do not want that, I will support that too.
Sincerely,
Carlos Ortiz
After everything that happened, reading my Dad’s letter hit
me the hardest. I rested my head in my hands and cried. I cried tears of
sadness for me as a child, who thought being adopted meant I was unloved and
unwanted by my birth parents. I grew up, thinking there was something
fundamentally wrong with me because my birth mom could just leave me. I cried
tears of regret for looking for love and acceptance to fill that void. I
stressed myself out trying to be the perfect daughter and sister and fell victim
to a predator's grooming all because I would do anything to be loved. I also
cried tears of relief. That I was no longer that child who felt unworthy. As
wonderful as it was to read my father’s loving words about me, the most
wonderful feeling was believing them. It took me 27 years, but I was at the
place where I loved myself unconditionally. I was beautiful, independent,
willful, smart and generous. I may not know where I will be in 2-3 years, hell,
maybe not even 2-3 days from now. But I knew whatever I was doing, whoever I
was with, wherever I was at, I would be ok. As long as I had myself, I would
have all the support, love and truth that I needed. And If I ever forgot that,
I had the perfect souvenir now etched close to my heart. The faceless doll tattoo
was not only symbolic of the hope Paula had for me, but also a reminder to let
my character and actions define me. Not a job, not a man, not family or
anything else; Just me, flaws and all. The most important relationship I would
have was with myself, so I promised to love, honor and treasure myself.
====================================================
********Author's Note********
Hey Everyone! So this is originally how I wanted to end
the blog. Lily riding off into the sunset... With herself! I loved the idea of
it being opened ended. Because, it doesn't matter who she ends up with,
what job, what state, etc. Her journey was one of self-love and that's the
happy ending I imagined for her before picking up with another character. I
truly loved all her leading men and I could seriously write a happy ending with
any of them. In fact, this past year, I thought and started to write every
single one. Kinda like a choose your fate book- choose who you like best. But,
that really would have been a cop out and it effected too many other characters
who I hope to write about. So, with that being said, I wrote an epilogue that
will wrap up most of the storylines and set us up for a time jump with the man
I think would fit best with Lily. As always, thank you for reading!
Epilogue
AGAINST ALL ODDS (Outro)
"So take a look at me now
Well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Ooh, Take a look at me now
Well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that's what I've got to face" Against All Odds by Phil Collins
Because of Amber blurting out that I was resigning in front
of my coworker, I had to let Dr. Fahri know so he could make the announcement
of me leaving sooner than later. I took full responsibility and apologized
sincerely. I could tell he was irritated and the next day he conferenced with me
and Dr. Tran. He told me my last day would be September 30th.
He wanted me to spend that time training Dr. Goodman, as he would be offered
the team lead role. If one thing came out of Amber revealing I was leaving, it
was that. Dr. Goodman accepted the job and I would be there to make sure the
transition would happen smoothly.
I did momentarily panic when my timeline moved up so
quickly. I thought I had at least 2 months to figure out what my next move was
going to be. I calmed down, reminding myself I had savings, a doctorate and a
supportive family. I could take all the time I needed, as long as I had a plan.
I worked with Dr. Pereira to come up with my plan. My family was on board with
my plan by the time I worked my last day at the facility. I was going to go to
California and shadow Alex for a month. There, I could really get an idea of
what the job would be like and if I would be able to work for my father,
indirectly. My dad was thrilled I was seriously considering working for his
foundation, Cam was thrilled I would be staying with him and I was cautiously
optimistic about everything. At the very least, I could use that month to look
at other job opportunities in both Texas and California. It really was the best
plan for me.
Even though I was excited about my plan, I was legitimately
sad on my last day. I would really miss everyone, including Dr. Fahri. Yes, he
was an egomaniac most of the time, but he did teach me to be my own advocate. I
would use that going forward in any career I chose. After my last day at work,
I headed to Rocky’s place. We were celebrating my last day and her first month
back at work. Just like I knew she would, she hit the ground running as soon as
she went back. She confided in me that she was feeling a lot of guilt: about leaving
Ace with Deborah 50 hours a week, about having to say no to colleagues when she
couldn’t make things work, even about asking me to babysit when she needed time
to reset. I told her while she was valid to feel however she was feeling, she
needed to be patient with herself. It was going to take time to adjust and no
one was perfect, so she needed to get that idea completely out of her head. I
told her she had to trust me and Deborah and that if we couldn’t handle
stepping in, we would let her know. On the night of my last day, we cried tears
of both sadness and joy together. Brandon joined us with Ace and we took turns
dancing around the room with him while drinking champagne.
I invited Ethan to join us, but he declined. Unfortunately,
our friendship wasn’t what I thought it would be. Ever since I told him I was
resigning and going back to California for a while, I felt like he took an
emotional step back from me. I saw EJ all the time; Ethan even joined us
occasionally. As far as our friendship independent of EJ, it was barely
existent. I didn’t know if it was all the time he was spending with Will. Will
was now free to date and tried to set up Ethan with women before. Or it could
have been the presence of Serena back in his life. Through social media, I saw
they were friendly again. I didn’t dwell on it too much. I didn’t need Dr.
Pereira to remind me that being a true friend to someone was honest
communication and respecting their boundaries. I would respect his boundaries
and hoped that with time, we could have open communication and be true friends
again.
My no B.S.-football compadre-faithful foodie-love guru-
homie Forrest lived up to all his titles when it came to being a true friend.
Even when I was in California, we kept in touch about big football games, we
snapped each other great food that we tried or cooked, and while I didn’t need
any love advice, he definitely led by example. He cancelled on me the night of
Amber’s party because he had a hangout with Monica’s sister Deanna. I was
shocked when he revealed he went on a date with her. I recalled how Deanna was
a single mother at the age of 36. She was not looking for casual. I was alarmed
when he told me he wasn’t looking for casual with her either. I was completely
dismayed. A tiny part of me held out hope my two best friends would figure it
out and get back together in the future. Did I expect Forrest to wait while
Rocky figured out what she wanted? No, but I didn’t want him to get serious
with a single mom, who was the sister of someone I now considered a true friend
as well. Forrest, with his no B.S ways told me bluntly that getting back
together with Rocky was not going to happen. For him, it was more than her not
knowing what she wanted. From cheating on Brandon, to being able to break up
with Forrest so easily, and to wanting to hook up but not get back together;
Rocky waved to many red flags Forrest couldn’t unsee now. He wanted someone who
not only knew what she wanted, but was loyal and loving to him. The first time
I saw him with Deanna as a couple, I knew she was that for him. There was an
easiness between them that I never saw with either Rachel or Rocky. Not only
was she perfectly contempt to let him be exactly who he was, she loved him for
it. Whatever I thought about the relationship before then, it didn’t matter. I
was simply happy for my friend. Rocky’s reaction to Forrest moving on let me
know Forrest was right about the red flags in their relationship. I didn’t
doubt that she loved Forrest, but not enough to sustain a relationship. She
told me she was happy for him, and I believed her 100 percent.
Sammy, on the other hand, was devastated when Corey
moved on. I didn’t know if it was the fact that he did- or who he moved on
with. When Corey and Megan posted a picture on Instagram together at a Panic at
the Disco Concert, I was confused and underwhelmed. Fall Out Boys were better
and where was EJ were my only thoughts. When they changed their status to in a
relationship with each other, I got on a flight right away to Texas. Sammy was
furious at first. The only reason Corey met Megan was because he was giving EJ
drumming lessons- she accused them of having an affair behind her back. Ethan
told me a little after the Disney vacation that Dave moved out. At the time,
Ethan believed it was just another one of their breaks, but I now too wondered
if Corey was the catalyst to making the break official. I didn’t dare tell
Sammy that; she was hurting enough. Next, came grief She sobbed that
she was damaged and that no man would ever truly love her. That hit hard,
because I knew that feeling. There was nothing I or anyone else could do or say
to change that perception. She had to change it herself. Then, she was deathly
numb. She didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to work.
At that point, I took over for her. I sent an email to Ron,
telling him that a family emergency came up and she needed 2 weeks leave. Once
I got the confirmation from Ron, I packed a bag for her and we went to the
Dominican Republic. A new center was opening so I planned to be there to shadow
Alex anyway. I made her come with me, thinking a change of scenery, the beach,
would help her reset. I put her up at a resort for the first week,
checking on her constantly while giving her space. She was starting to come
around during the second week, so I had her tag along with me at the center.
She was good with the volunteers- dealing with drunks and young bartenders gave
her the skill set to keep everyone in line. I even caught her flirting with
Alex a few times, but I didn’t encourage or acknowledge it. At the end of the
trip, she thanked me and told me this was exactly what she needed to get her
mind right. I shared with her my affirmations and how I used to tell it to
myself everyday until I believed it. She rolled her eyes and refused to say it.
I promised her once she could say it and believe it- she would never feel
damaged or need a man to love her. She nodded in understanding, and I hoped she
really tried it.
While we were in the Dominican, Halloween was the next battle
ground between Will and Amber. Will never let them trick or treat or have
birthday parties, but while they were married, they always compromised with a
costume party. Not only was Will refusing to budge on Halloween, but he also
filed for temporary sole custody of the children. He accepted that the marriage
was over, but he believed that because Amber wanted to leave, she should
leave with nothing. He wanted sole custody of the kids, the house and child
support. Because she moved out the house, she weakened her position as a
caregiver and Will was granted temporary sole custody while they battled it out
in court. Once I learned this, I stopped giving both Amber and Ethan space. I
reached out to Amber and consoled her the best I could. We conferenced with
Staci who knew custody law better than us both because of dealing with her
ex. Once Staci and I calmed her, I called Ethan to see if he could talk some
sense into Will. He responded that he tried, but Will was doing what he
believed was right and he had to stay out of it. When I reminded him about our
promise to act in the kid’s best interest, he repeated the same line. I told
him if he really believed Amber was an unfit mother and taking the kids away
from her was best for them, then we had nothing else to say to each other. The
next time I spoke to Amber, she was in much better spirits. Will agreed to a
visitation schedule which allowed Amber to regularly see the kids, including
their birthdays and Halloween. They were headed to mediation to try to settle
things. I later learned from Rocky, via Brandon, that Ethan convinced Will to
drop sole custody by telling him Amber was not an unfit mother. He advised him
they could invest their money and time into their children, or waste both in
court fighting for a judge to decide how they should parent his kids.
It was a powerful statement that encouraged Rocky and
Brandon to get something in writing too. It came right on time as Jake was
offered a great opportunity to run his own security firm in Phoenix. He invited
both Dino and Brandon to come with him. The owner of a telecommunications
company based out of Phoenix had an office in the building Jake managed. The
owner took a liking to Jake and asked him to take over security in his home
branch in Phoenix. Jake agreed right away and wanted Brandon to help run the
security firm. It was a stressful time for Rocky while Brandon discussed moving
to Phoenix. She was convinced he was moving when Daniela refused to go with
Jake, and they broke up. I still hadn’t heard the full story on that, but Rocky
didn’t know what would be best- relocating to Arizona with Brandon and making a
real attempt to reconcile or staying separated and splitting custody with him
out of state. After many conversations, Brandon decided not to leave, but the
talks gave both of them closure on their relationship. They both agreed the
best relationship they had was strictly co-parenting baby Ace, so they stuck to
that.
Speaking of baby Ace, seeing his changes was the marker of
time for me. Every time I stayed in Dallas, I stayed with Rocky so I could help
with Ace and get as much time as I could with him. Seeing him grow and thrive
made me seriously start considering making some final decisions in my life,
starting with my house. My dad was pushing for me to sell it. At the current
market, with the improvements I made, Chad advised me I would get back some
equity. Not much, but enough so it wouldn’t be a loss. A part of me wanted to
do that. I bought the house to get back at Trevor; to show him how much better
I was doing than him. It felt like a lifetime ago I acted so rashly, but it had
only been a year. I hadn’t heard from him since the last voicemails he left on
my phone. Cam kept me updated, like if he was going to be in L.A. or Dallas.
I appreciated the heads up, but it really didn’t bother me. The only thing I
feel for Trevor now is regret: Regret that we inflicted so much pain on each
other and that it took us so long to realize it. I only wish he’s doing better
and want nothing but the best for him. As I look at my house, it doesn’t
represent just trying to show up my ex. It represents how much work I put into
it: The cabinets I painted, the fixtures I replaced, the flooring I picked out,
the backyard and landscaping I designed. All the little things I did to make
the house a home. It just wasn’t a home for me. That’s what finally pushed me
to sell. I began to declutter and donate. I went through my belongings and
organized by posted notes what I would be keeping or donating. After that, I
invited my friends to come see if there was anything they wanted. This started
an inquisition on if I was moving to California. I gave the same answer as
always: I still hadn’t decided.
Truthfully, I had made up my mind. Spending time between
California and the Dominican Republic for a month was long enough for me to
know what I wanted. I loved being at the centers. I love engaging with and
educating the children. It was the best part of the job, but working for my
dad’s foundation did not include that. The foundation’s main goal was managing
finances, securing donors and volunteers, and continuous growth. I knew after a
week of shadowing Alex that nonprofit work was not for me. The volunteers were
the ones interacting with the community. While I knew I planned to volunteer
with the foundation as much as I could, I needed a job to support myself to do
that. My time in the Dominican Republic and an email I received from Derek, my
former boss, helped me find my way. Derek allowed me to come visit the children's hospital where he was the director of physical therapy. After a couple of
hours, everything clicked for me. Pediatrics physical therapy was my passion.
It was honestly the best of two worlds: physical therapy, what I was amazing at
and interacting with children, what I love. I tried to play it cool, but Derek
saw right through me. He told me he thought I would be a great fit in
pediatrics after watching me in the clinic years ago. I attempted to stroke his
ego- telling him what a great director he must be to be able to identify skill
sets in people. He cut me off with a smirk and told me which hospital locations
has the best pay, to negotiate for either an hourly rate or salaried with
documentation time, and to let him know which hospital I was applying to so he
can pass it to the director to push me through to interviews. When I thanked
him profusely, he told me any hospital would be lucky to have me. On one of my
trips back to Dallas, I had an interview and an offer to start after new
year’s.
Between getting the house ready to sale, finding a new place
and preparing for my new job, I was super busy in December. I didn’t even have
time to stress about telling Bianca and Brittany with Benjamin we all had the
same father. The DNA test came back and was conclusive. The probability of
Benjamin and I having the same father was 98.84%. When Benjamin told me the
results, he sounded somewhat relieved. I guess this finally answered the
questions for him. I truly felt nothing but anxiety about what Benjamin was
going to do with the news. We decided that we would tell Bianca and Brittany in
person over Christmas- then together we would decide if they wanted to confront
Patty or Ben Sr. Christmas, in a foreign country, surrounded by family I didn’t
know was stressful enough, but holding on to this
“HAPPY NEW YEEEAAAR!!!” my brother and I yelled before we
jumped in the pool together. It was a tradition we hadn’t done since I was a
teenager. But since I was spending New Years in California with my family
before moving back to Dallas, I decided we needed to reestablish it. We came
back up, laughing and splashing each other as Jenna recorded us. When we got
out, I headed straight for a towel while Cam gave Jenna a hug.
“Stop. The baby doesn’t like the cold.” She squealed.
“What baby? You or my son?” He asked, kissing her and
possessively stroking her tiny belly bump.
“It’s a girl!!!” I proclaimed, wrapping a towel around
myself before taking a glass of champagne from Beatrice and thanking her.
“It doesn’t matter as long as it is healthy.” My dad told
us.
“Yeah, yeah, be right back.” I said, heading into the house.
Most of my friends sent me happy new year’s greetings already. Rocky, Ace and
Brandon were celebrating in Houston with her family. Amber and Staci hosted a
kid friendly bash together. Sammy was working, but I could tell by Richard’s
snapchat he was at the party too. Bianca was in Sydney with Noelle and her
family. Forrest, Blake and Jordan were at a party together- Deanna had her kids
that night, but Forrest was officially meeting them and her family on New
Year’s Day. A little short of her 6 months dating requirement, but I was so
happy for them both. Ethan and Will were in Cape Town. Apparently, Ethan had a
friend from college he reconnected with and a group of them went together. Not
going to lie, I enviously went through all the pictures they both posted online-it
was summertime there and it looked beautiful and fun. Ethan looked like he was
having a good time too, so my envy morphed into happiness for him. Monica sent
me a group picture, at some lounge VIP with her friends. EJ was with his mom
and Corey, they were still going strong. As much as it made me uncomfortable,
hearing EJ happy hanging with Corey and to some extent, seeing how happy both
Megan and Corey were, I couldn’t help but root for them. Secretly, so Sammy
would never suspect. I was sending out a mass Happy New Year’s from the
West Coast to everyone when my phone chimed.
Jake: Happy New Year from Bedrock.
I laughed out loud. After he moved, I hooked him up with
Benjamin to answer any of his questions since he lived in Arizona, not far from
Phoenix. Once he got settled, he sent me a photo of his house, that I joked
looked straight from the Flintstones. Jake and I have been in contact ever
since and he seemed his normal, smart mouth self but Benjamin told me once he
seemed sad.
Me: Happy New Year!!! Any Bed-Rocking tonight?
Jake: You offering?
I sent him a gif of Fred Flintstone running away. I hope it
made him smile.
After I sent out my texts, I grabbed a pin and paper to
write down my resolutions. I was heading back to Dallas this month to move into
my new place and start my new job. I normally didn’t do resolutions, but I was
so excited about the new year, I decided to write them down as we toasted to
2017.
“What are you doing?” Jenna asked me as I joined them back
in the courtyard, grabbing a seat at the bar to write.
“Writing down my resolutions.” I said, writing away. They
took turns sharing theirs out loud and I shook my head. “You are more likely to
achieve your goal if you write it down.” I informed them, finishing my list
with a smile.
“Let me see that.” My brother said, looking over my
shoulder, after he gave Jenna a long obnoxious kiss.
“Wait… I’m almost done.” I said, writing one thing down
before sipping my champagne. I looked over the list before handing it to him.
1.) Teach my nibling (hopefully niece!!!) to spit up
and pee on her daddy
“That’s so childish. Erase it!” He laughed as he showed it
to Jenna.
“No can do. It’s written in pin.” I said over Jenna’s
laughter.
“What is it?” Beatrice joined us from the loveseat across
from us in the courtyard.
“She's going to train our kid to spit up and pee on me.” Cam
shared.
“She can’t even teach Justine to sit.” My dad said, eying
Justine with distrust as she barked at the pool. At what, I have no idea, but
she was enjoying herself.
“Hey, my job will be to rehab the youth. That is my
specialty! And number two on my list.” I grinned.
2.) Join a physical therapy organization and/or
attend a continuing education course
3.) Volunteer with Un Flaisito al Catche 4 times this year
(recruit 2 people to join me)
“Let me know the dates you plan to go. I might join you on
one.” My dad requested.
“Sounds great.” I promised and meant it. Hanging out with my
dad in the Dominican was like hanging with royalty. Things got accomplished
quicker and more efficiently, and I loved that we shared that passion for
helping.
4.) Resume appointments with Dr. Pereira once a month
“My therapist.” I explained at their confused faces.
5.) SELL MY HOUSE $$$
6.) Get second Tattoo
“Second?” My dad furrowed his eyebrows.
“No, I want a tattoo of a second.” I lied as Jenna laughed.
“Wait, what?” Beatrice asked.
“Last but not least-“ Cam paused as he read it silently. “Is
this for real?”
I nodded. “Absolutely. Or at least I’m gonna try. Against
all odds”
Jenna looked over his shoulder, read my last goal and smiled
at me, before kissing Cam on the lips.
“I love you.” Jenna sighed.
“Love you too.“ Cam murmured against her hair.
“What is it?” Beatrice asked. Cam showed her the goal. She
read it, then nodded. “That’s so sweet. I hope it works out.”
My dad finally got up and joined us and Cam handed him the
letter.
“7.) Get my future husband back” My dad read out loud.
“Who’s your future husband?”
I smiled to myself as I pictured his face.
Thank you for finishing Lily’s story! It was all tied up very well.
ReplyDeleteThank-you so much for finishing Lily's story; I really enjoying it. If you ever start a new blog, would love to read it - you're a fabulous writer.
ReplyDeleteAhhh!!! I was so excited when I saw you posted! I love Lily's story. Ty for sharing it with us. I know you sd this is the end, buuutttt another time jump would be awesome so we can find out who her hubby is and read of her happy ending. Pplleeaassee 😁
ReplyDelete