Undisclosed Desires

 Sorry- no excuse other than I got wasted Friday and stayed that way the entire weekend. Posting from bed while my boys watch football with daddy. Hopefully your weekend was more productive :-) 



"Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one
I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart" Undisclosed Desires by Muse


I called Bianca immediately after Christian hung up on me. It rang and rang before it went to voicemail. I left a message before texting her to give me a call back. I noticed Trevor texted me but I ignored it while I worried about what was on Noelle's phone.

I knew for a fact Christian and Noelle partied hard- it was part of the lifestyle of the rich and famous. Bianca wasn't into that lifestyle though. She was smart, determined and focused. She liked Noelle because of her connections to the fashion world not her party hookups. I hoped that if she did get caught up and partied too hard, she wasn't stupid enough to let Noelle film her. Why would Noelle keep it on her phone anyway? It didn't make sense.

My next thought was nude pictures or videos. Noelle was a stylist to big enough celebrities that it made her famous too. She was also young, rich, and beautiful with her own reality show.  Leaked pictures happened with celebrities all the time. It made sense that hackers would target her phone. What didn't make sense is what that had to do with Bianca.

Tried of waiting, I searched Noelle's name on Google. I scrolled through the recent news which was all articles promoting the 3rd season of her show. I watched a trailer which included her trip to fashion week in Paris. The last time I knew for sure of Bianca hanging out with Noelle and Christian was for fashion week. I thought how Bianca acted when she came to Dallas from Paris. She was more quiet and withdrawn than normal. I was so caught up in Trevor and my drama, I didn't find out what was going on with her.

I tried to remember the last time I talked to Bianca. Over the past few months, we mostly communicated through text. We also commented on each other's Facebook all the time. That reminded me of the last time we spoke; she called me when she saw a picture of Trevor and me from Halloween. She asked if we got back together. When I told her we were just friends with no other explanation, she sounded disappointed like I knew she would. She was another member of Team Trevor and always lectured me to work it out with him. I didn't stay on the phone long enough to catch up with what was going on in her life. I wished I had...

My phone rang, interrupting my thoughts. It was Bianca and I answered quickly.

"Hey cuz. What's up?" Bianca greeted me.

I told her what Christian told me. "Noelle's phone was hacked. Something was leaked on the Internet."

"What?" Bianca asked in a hushed tone.

"He said you would know. What would be on her phone B?" I asked.

"I'm... I'm not sure. I gotta call her." She said, distressed.

"Call me ba-" I didn't finish before the call ended. I waited all night for her to call me back. Between texting and obsessively checking google, I used my nervous energy to pack. I hadn't forgotten that Trevor wanted me out of his apartment. Our constant drama had to take a backseat to whatever was going on with Bianca. I was so tempted to call Christian back, but we didn't have that friendship anymore. I had to respect my own boundaries. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him- I couldn't go back on that to satisfy my own need.

Monday morning, I wish I had called Christian. Maybe it wouldn't have soften the blow, but it definitely would have warned me of the shit storm brewing. All over entertainment news was the story of Noelle Pennington's phone hacking. Noelle released a statement confirming the hack, saying it was an invasion of privacy and she was going after not only the hackers but any website that posted anything from her phone. That stopped the sites from posting the pictures, but not from detailing the pictures and videos sent to them.

I read not only were there nude pictures, but explict videos as well. I continued to read and found out her partner in the video and pictures was not her long term producer boyfriend, but an unidentified woman. My stomach churned violently as I kept reading. A few of the seedier websites provided links where you could see the pictures. I couldn't click on them. I called Bianca instead.

"Hello?" She asked, brokenly. Her voice was hoarse like she had been crying. That was all the confirmation I needed.

"B, it's going to be ok-" I tried to comfort her.

"No it's not!" She weeped. I never heard her sobs like that from her before. I tried to remember the last time I heard her cry at all. I really couldn't recall. "Everything is all fucked up."

"Whatever happened, we'll handle it. We can fix it." I promised.

"We can't. They're already posted. It's too late." She cried harder.

"The pictures were stolen. They're coming down. No one else is going to risk being sued by posting them. Only me, you, Noelle and Christian know it's you in the puctures. Let's keep it that way." I suggested rapidly, trying to calm her down. It worked.

"You- You think we can?" Bianca sobbed.

"We can try. I'm going to call you right back. Just stay strong for me. We'll figure this out ok?" I offered.

"Ok."

I waited for her to hang up the phone and called Christian. I was expecting to get his voicemail and silently fumed while I thought about what message I was going to leave. He answered though, and I was lost for words. Everything I planned to say went out the window and I exclaimed, "What the fuck?!?"

"I'm guessing you saw the pictures?" Christian asked.

"No, I didn't. Like your girlfriend said it's an invasion of privacy that I want no part of. I did just get off the phone with my devastated cousin. She won't stop crying. I never heard her cry. Ever! So once again, what the fuck?!?" I repeated.

He made a sound that sounded like a grunt. It infuriated me.

"You kept going on and on about what a great opportunity it was for her to hang out with Noelle. You called me a bitch when I tried to stop it and y'all just fucking used her! Did you do this to get back at me? What the fuck is wrong with you?" I raged at him.

"Apparently a lot if you think I would do this to get back at you! I would've never invited her if I known about the two of them." He said, angrily.

"What?" I said, shocked. "You didn't know?..."

"I thought they were just friends until my manager got a call last night asking for my statement about the pictures." Christian spat, bitterly.

I instantly felt bad for him but I needed his help for my cousin. I had no idea what to do. "Bianca made a mistake. A mistake that's now plastered all over the Internet. I need to know what to do to stop it." I pleaded with him.

"The FBI is investigating the hack and Noelle's lawyers are on anyone who tries to post the pics-"

"I've already seen links-"

"I know. Once it's out there, it's out there."

"So there's nothing we can do?" I asked defeated.

"My manager is already on damage control. He's circulating a rumor that Noelle and I had a fling with a model at fashion week. We don't know all the data the hackers got. Your cousin needs to change her number, make all her profiles private and take her information offline. She should really take a break from social media until this all clears up. She needs to stop all contact with Noelle immediately. No connections- calling, texting, DMs, none of that. "

"Ok. I'll tell her." I nodded, even though he couldn't see me.

"The pictures... anyone who knows her will recognize her. Friends, family. She needs to be prepared if it gets out." He warned.

"Let's hope the random model rumor sticks." I interrupted him.

"I promise you, no one will find out who she is on my end." He said sincerely.

"Thank you so much Christian." I wanted to say something else. I wanted to ask him how he was doing. I wanted to apologize for how I treated him and Bianca's part in this. I settled for thanking him.

"Yeah." He said flatly before we got off the phone.

I called Bianca back and told her word for word what Christian said to do. She was noticeable calmer, until I told her about the rumor Christian was going to start. When I told her to cut off all contact with Noelle, she spoke up.

"I'm going to change my number and delete all my profiles but I won't do that." She objected.

"What are you talking about? Christian said you need to sever all ties with her." I explained.

"I'm sure he did. He's jealous." She sneered.

"His girlfriend cheated on him- with you! He has every right to be jealous and pissed off but he's still trying to help you. The least you can do is cut off contact." I lectured her.

"I...I didn't mean for it to happen but I can't- I can't help how I feel. I never- felt this way about anyone." She stammered.

What the fuck?

"I'm going to try to come out there this week. I'm off on Thanksgiving. Just do it for now, ok?"

"Ok." She sniffed.

"I love you B. I'll call you back."

"Love you too."

As soon as I got off the phone, I began looking for flights. I would have to pay an arm and a leg, but I found a flight for Wednesday night. Coming back Friday was an issue considering I had to work. There was a flight that would have me back in Dallas at 2pm, just enough time to be late to work. I booked it.

I went to work early so I could call and talk to Dr. Clayton. He quickly agreed to stay later on Friday, and I thanked him profusely, letting him know I owed him one. I texted my flight information to Bianca. Right before my shift began, Dr. Fahri joined me in the cafeteria.

"I wanted to go over a couple things with you." He started.

I nodded and waited.

"Vince Charles requested a meeting with me. He's trying to move to 1st shift. Were you aware of this?" He asked.

It took everything not to roll my eyes. "No, but I'm not surprised. I gave him a coaching. He has a problem with chain of command and sharing information."

I briefly filled him in on why I had to coach him and his passive aggressive attitude since then.

Dr. Fahri rubbed his beard. "I wish you would have told me. I would have talked to him about it."

I gave him a little smile. "If I decide to write him up, that's when you talk to him. That's the procedure. I just wanted you to know why he doesn't want to be on my shift. He doesn't like me very much."

"I'm sure it has more to do with the fact he interviewed for your position too. If anything else happens, you have to write him up. You don't want to look incompetent to the athletic trainers."

I nodded, understanding what Dr Fahri was saying but where Dr. Charles attitude came from as well. "Understood, but I have it under control. What else did you want to talk about?"

"Why you haven't requested anytime off."

I blinked a few times, trying to figure out how to respond to that.

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable about taking time off."

"I'm not. I haven't needed it." I assured him.

"I heard you're going to be late Friday?"

"Right. My flight comes in late. It was last minute-" I tried to explain. He cut me off.

"Take it off. I'll cover your entire shift."

"No...Adil, Dr. Fahri, it's fine. I'm gonna be a couple hours late. Tops." I declined.

"Take the day. It's not a sick day or vacation. Just take it. My apology for giving you a hard time about needing time off. I insist."

"Thank you. I appreciate it." I said, graciously.

"No problem."

I stood up to head to the training room. "Lily." He stopped me. "How are you feeling about being team lead?"

I stiffened. "I'm fine."

"I'm not critiquing you. You're doing great." he said, raising his hands. "I'm curious to how you're liking the position."

"I love it." I smiled, lying though my teeth. Truthfully, I miss the little interaction I had before with our clients. I spent most of my time delegating to therapists and working with trainers on rehab plans.

"Good. Keep up the good work."

I did that for the rest of my night. As I drove home, Trevor called me. I declined the call, sending a text telling him I would call him back. I knew he probably wanted to discuss me moving. I planned to ask Dominick about hiring his brother's moving company but I didn't get a chance with everything going on with Bianca.

I got home and called to check on Bianca. She didn't answer as I searched through the cabinet for something to cook. I decided on a Caribbean rice box mix. As I defrosted some chicken, I texted Dominick about moving dates. When he texted back he would let me know, I called Trevor back.

"Hey."

"Hey. Sorry I haven't called back. Things have been crazy." I apologized right away, hiding my true feelings. Things were crazy, but I wasn't exactly sorry I blew him off. I had too. He made up his mind about us- I spent so much time trying to convince him otherwise I neglected my other relationships, including the one with my cousin. I sighed thinking about her and Noelle.

"Anything you wanna talk about?" Trevor asked bringing my attention back to him.

"No. Just Mondays. I did talk to Dominick. He's getting dates together as far as me moving. I'll let you know." I said quickly.

"Ohh- Ok. Any idea about Thanksgiving?" He asked.

"Yeah. I'm going to California."

"You just found out you're off?" He questioned.

"Yeah." I fibbed. "I have to work on Christmas though, so I figured I'll see my family now, you know?" I explained away. I couldn't tell him what was going on with Bianca. I knew he would never say anything to anyone, but it wasn't my secret to tell. Besides, I didn't even know what was going on with Bianca.

"Yeah, I know." He replied. "What are we doing for our birthday?" He asked.

"Umm, I haven't thought about it." I said, honestly thrown off. I hadn't even thought about my birthday, much less honoring our tradition of celebrating together.

"We should start planning Lilypad." Trevor suggested.

"When is your next doctor's appointment?" I asked, remembering our last conversation and trying to change the subject. It was hard enough just talking to Trevor. I didn't know how I felt about partying with him again. The images of Halloween night in his uncle's basement flashed in my mind, making me both aroused and ashamed. It wasn't a good combination.

"It was today. I'm officially done with chemo." Trevor announced.

"Really? No more chemo?" I asked excitedly,

"No more chemo darling." He said. I could hear the smile in his voice. It made me smile too. "I'm not outta the woods yet; I still have to have surgery, but not before we celebrate our birthdays."

"And the end of chemo!" I added.

"All of that." He agreed.

"Ok. Well when I come back from California, we'll plan the party!" I pushed away my prior reservations. I would get over my feelings if that meant celebrating no more chemo.

"Sounds good!"

"Sounds great!"

"Talk to you soon."

"Absolutely."

I hung up the phone, so many emotions flooding inside me. I ignored them for the time being. I would talk them over during my next appointment with Dr. Pereira.