Carry On

*Mini Bonus Post

"You swore and said we are not

We are not shining stars

This I know

I never said we are

Though I've never been through hell like that

I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone

Or you're sinking like a stone

Carry on

May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground

Carry on

Carry on, carry on" Carry On by FUN.

"Merry Christmas." He said, handing me a box when I put down my phone.

I took it from him. "Thanks... a little late though."

"Better late than never right?" Jake said, with a little smile.

I just nodded; still shocked he was even at my doorstep. I examined him: Running pants, t-shirt, NorthFace jacket. Completely casual like he hadn't erased me from his life.

Why is he here?

I keep watching, waiting for the reason to come to me. I probably would still be standing there, studying him, until he cleared his throat.

"Can I come in? I want to talk to you. If you want to get dressed and come out I won't take up too much of your time." He said, while looking me over quickly.

I looked down at my clothes too. Or lack of clothes. I was wearing a t-shirt and boxers. Trevor's were so comfortable, I bought myself boxers to sleep in.

I moved out the way to let him in. "Be right back. Take a seat." I said, sitting the gift on the couch before rushing up the stairs. I found a pair of jogging pants and pulled them on. I didn't spend any time in the mirror, but I did run my fingers through my hair on the way down the stairs.

When I came back to the living room, Jake was sitting on the couch with his jacket beside him. He was giving Justine a rub down and she had rolled over on her back.

His rub downs definitely had that effect...

"It's that easy to win her over." I said, pushing that line of thoughts from my mind and taking a seat in a chair safely across from him.

"Dogs are good judge in characters." He said, giving her one last rub before she got up and hopped up on me, putting her paws on my lap.

"Not her... you know how you tell kids stranger danger? I have to tell her that. She runs up to strangers, looking for attention. Attention whore." I said, petting her before she raced off to her bowl.

"They say they act like their owner." Jake commented.

"Her previous owner must have been Kim Kardashian." I quipped.

"That would explain the bling." Jake said, looking at her collar.

No, Trevor would explain the bling...

He cleared his throat and looked at me. "Omar wanted to say thank you- I want to thank you for talking to Kelly."

I shook my head. "No need. Besides, it wasn't for you two. It was for her."

"I know, but still. If the situation was reversed, I don't think I would have- I know I wouldn't have helped." Jake frowned. "I'm sorry for how I've been treating you."

"I get when people break up they go their separate ways. I just hate feeling like you- regret dating me. I thought we could be friends. I didn't think you wouldn't want me in your life at all. It sucks, but if that's what you want-"

Jake shook his head. "It's not. I felt like you regretted being with me. I was tired of feeling like another person's mistake. So I pretended like I didn't care about you."

"Jake, I meant every word in my letter. I don't think dating you was a mistake. I wouldn't take a day away from us. The fighting and arguing I would take away, but that doesn't mean I regret being with you." I said.

"I wish things would have played out differently, but I don't regret being together." Jake said, rubbing his hands against pants. When he stretched his arms, I saw a black mark on his right bicep. I studied it, curiously.

"You have a tattoo?" I asked, surprised.

He nodded. "Yeah. I went with Omar. He got angel wings for his son and it just made me think about how short life is. I don't want to spend it being a dick. The tattoo is a permanent reminder of that."

I smiled. "I don't think you're a dick."

"No?"

"No, you need to work on forgiveness. Jenna told me once that forgiveness is not about the other person: It's letting go of all your anger, resentment and disappointment towards that person."

"Remember the first talk we had at your housewarming? You were hiding out because you didn't want to be shrinked." Jake said, lightly.

"Might not have wanted it, but I need it." I commented.

"Are you saying I need a psychologist?" He asked, with a smile.

"It depends on what the tattoo says." I smiled back. He pulled up the sleeve on his shirt and it was an intricate compass. I walked over to examine the shading.

"What do you think? I know you’re not a fan of tats..." Jake said, watching me as I studied the tattoo.

"I'm not a fan of meaningless tattoos. What does it mean to you?"

"Moving forward, but in the right direction. Letting my past show me where I don't want to go." He said, simply. "I forgive you Lily. Even if I wanted to be mad, after what you did for Kelly and Omar, I can't be."

"I forgive you too and I love the tattoo." I said, smiling at him. I truly did. I ran my fingers over the beautiful work. It looked so good on his tan skin. I believed him when he said he was moving forward the right way.

When we broke up at Celestial park, I was so conflicted and lost. I didn't trust him not to treat me the same way nor did I trust myself not to put up with it. Now, it was so clear. I had no doubt he was committed to change. I also knew I would never be that girl who let anyone treat me badly. We both found our way.

"Now what?" Jake asked me, looking into my eyes.

I took a deep breath. I was still attracted to him. I mean, his face and body were amazing. It was so easy to think of all the good times we had together, and how much better it could be now. There was always a risk of bad habits popping back up. I knew that for a fact. As much as I felt like I changed, I still had my moments. That's what love is, taking chances...

...but I was taking a chance with Trevor. I loved him.

I moved my hand away from his arm. "Open my late ass Christmas present!"

Jake smiled. "Aged, not late."

I sat beside him and opened the gift. It was a gift set of Disaronno. The bottle was a limited addition, designed by Versace and came with two glasses.

"Aged Disaronno and Versace. Thank you." I grinned as I opened it up. "We should have opened this up before our talk."

"Is it too late?" Jake asked.

"Probably, but one glass won't hurt." I took the glasses to the kitchen and rinsed them out before adding ice. I went back to the living room. I poured us small glasses before handing one to Jake.

"To forgiveness?" I asked, holding up my glass.

He tapped his glass into mine before we sipped them.

"How would you feel if I asked Jasmine to move in with me?" I asked him.

"Better you than me." He laughed. It was great seeing him laugh again at me.

"Shut up. I'm serious. She didn't ask; she actually wants her own place, but the ones she looked at suck.”

“Everyone’s first apartment sucks. It’s a growing pain.” Jake said.

“Besides the point. Would it be weird for you?” I asked.

“Would it be weird for Trevor?” He countered.

I watched him, cautiously. There was nothing in his tone or mood but curiosity. “Nope. He actually suggested it.”

Jake finished his drink. “Then go for it.”

I finished my drink too.

“Uno mas? {One more}?” Jake asked me reaching for the bottle.

“Why not?” I asked, smiling.

“What are we drinking to?” He asked, pouring bigger drinks.

I grabbed my glass. Our hands touched briefly before I pulled away.

“Moving on.” I toasted him.