We Need A Little Christmas

"For I've grown a little leaner
Grown a little colder
Grown a little sadder
Grown a little older
And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder
Need a little Christmas now
For we need a little music
Need a little laughter
Need a little singing
Ringing through the rafter
And we need a little snappy
Happy ever after
Need a little Christmas now" We Need A Little Christmas


***All of the events happen today, so it will be a little ahead of real time.***

By the time Tuesday came around, I was feeling a lot better about my decision. That morning, I started delivering presents to my friends. I wore the men's Christmas cardigan I found at the mall. It was a size medium, and a little big around my arms, but I pushed up the sleeves and paired it with leggings, hopefully pulling off the boyfriend sweater vibe. I did my makeup light and pushed my hair back with a silver snowflake headband. It paired nicely with the snowflake necklace and earrings Ethan got me.

I felt guilty I never reached out to thank Ethan, so his job was the first stop of the day. After the receptionist pointed me in the right direction, I walked to his office. I paused at the empty work area. I was about to turn around when I heard my name called.

I looked past the empty desk and saw Ethan step out of what had to be his office. He was watching me with a look that was both surprised and curious.

"Hey... you made partner and lost your personal receptionist?" I said, walking his way.

"I have an assistant now, who's on vacation." Ethan answered, leading me into his office. "Have a seat." He said. I took a seat on his couch. He joined me on the opposite end.

"Merry Christmas," I said, handing him the small, wrapped box." and thank you. I know it's a little late, but I love my jewelry." I said, playing with a snowflake earring.

"You're welcome. It looks good on you." Ethan said.

"You have great taste." I remarked.

He lifted the gift in his hand. "I'm sorry; I didn't get you anything for Christmas. I heard how well you received my last gift."

"It wasn't the gift." I smiled, embarrassed. I didn't want to think about all my stupid actions that night. "I'm glad I didn't mess up the box. The quote was my favorite part."

"That's good to know. I spent more time finding that than the gift."

"Really?" I said, surprised.

"Yes. I didn't want to apologize again and bring up-" He paused and frowned.

"Everything again. It just reminded me of you and how you said I had tunnel vision. I didn't see it as a bad thing until recently."

"It's not necessarily a bad thing. I loved the quote because I focus on the past and everything that went wrong. I'm learning to learn from it instead of being afraid all the time." I confessed.

"I'm trying to live more in the present too." Ethan nodded.

"Well good. Your gift will remind you of that." I smiled. I got him a set of cuff links, including a pair of snowflake shaped one. I knew he probably would never wear them, but that was fine as long as he had them.

"I know I said I wasn't going to apologize, but I need to. The thought passed my mind, after the last time, at EJ's birthday party, that we could have-" Ethan stopped, trying to find the right words.

Seeing Ethan fumble with his words was a first for me. I would have smiled if I don't know what he was alluding to.

"Conceived? Made a baby? Knocked me up?" I joked, nervously. He tensed, and I instantly regretted my stupid habit of making jokes when I was uncomfortable.

"Yes." He finally answered. "I just knew you would come to me."

"Ethan, I didn't know until-"

"I know, but even if you did, you are right. After the way I treated you, I shouldn't have assumed anything." Ethan took a break and rubbed his temples. "It took everything to make me realize how self-centered I am."

"Once again, not always a bad thing." I commented.

"It was in this case. My first thought, when I found out, was why didn't you tell me? How could you not tell me? That's why it was easy to assume the worst. I was hurt when you moved, so I cut you off. It never once occurred to me you were hurting too. I'm sorry, but more importantly, I'm working on it."

"Apology accepted." I said, simply.

"We're ok?" He asked, skeptically.

"As ok as we'll ever be. I think it'll always be a little awkward between us, but I accept that." I said truthfully. "I just know how it feels to need forgiveness. And quite frankly, I don't like being mad at you. Call it a Christmas miracle!" I finished, with a grin.

"Let's make it year round. We have this pattern of misunderstandings and arguing. Maybe we can try talking about our issues out first." Ethan suggested.

"Fine. New year's resolution." I agreed.
Ethan walked me out and I left, wishing him a Merry Christmas. I already felt so much better. I didn't realize how much energy it took to be angry with him. It was exhausting. It was good to let it go.

Speaking of letting it go, I went to Jake's work next. I left his present with one of his guards at the security desk. I knew he was still upset with me. He had every right to be. I left him a note attached to his customized car mats. They were forest green with his initials in the middle with Galaviz in cursive across the bottom. The note read:

Jake-

For when you get that Ferrari. I remember everything about Vegas too. It was when I started to fall in love with you.

Our biggest mistake was moving too fast, but I don't ever want you to doubt my feelings for you. They were real and the reason I ran: I was scared. You were right, we could have fixed us, but not until I fix myself. Thank you for showing me love and giving me the confidence to see something worth fixing in myself.

I hope the next girl that falls in love with you is worthy of the real you. He's an amazing guy

Merry Christmas,

Lily

After that, I went to Rocky's house. I dropped off a gift basket of bath supplies, massage oils and a massager for her and Brandon. I met up with Sammy next and we exchanged gifts. She got a new make-up bag and I got Corey Beats by Dre headphones.

My last stop was Fort Worth, I was seeing my work friends at a BBQ restaurant in Dallas later in the afternoon. They were all getting random things I bought through EJ's fundraiser. I was dropping off EJ's keyboard on Christmas Eve and I was hanging out with Amber's family that night so they would be getting their gifts then. The only people I had to worry about catching were Lamar and Patrick. They were both getting cologne sets.

I drove to Rachel's job, hoping I would catch her. I wasn't sure what her schedule looked like, but I wanted to see her face to face. I was in luck; the receptionist told me to wait in the lobby. 5 minutes later, Rachel emerged.

"Lily, what brings you here?" Rachel greeted me, coolly.

"Merry Christmas." I told her, holding out her and Forrest gift. It was an aroma therapy set and matching robes.

"Thanks." Rachel said, with a bright smile. I have seen that smile before. It was her grin and bear it, pageantry fake smile.

"I'm not going to stay long. I just wanted to drop that off and tell you again how sorry I am. Have a Merry Christmas." I said, before turning to walk away. I wasn't going to press it. I was taking Forrest's advice and let her come to me when she was ready.

"Lily?" She stopped me.

I turned back around.

"I have friends in town for the holidays. We're getting together for happy hour. You should join us." Rachel invited me.

I smiled. "Sure, what time?"

After I got the details from her, she smiled at me. It was genuine this time. "Cute sweater. We're dressing up too. You should wear that tonight!"

"Will do!"

I was waiting for the elevator when I saw Gabriel from the corner of my eye. I willed the elevator to hurry up. I was contemplating taking the stairs when Gabriel approached me.

"Lily. Happy holidays." He greeted me.

"I celebrate Christmas, so Merry Christmas." I said, lightly, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"I see that." He smiled, looking me over from the top of my headband to the points of my booties.

I blushed.

I figured he would see my Facebook, observe I wasn't some drunken party girl, and move on to an easier target. I wasn't sure what he wanted from me, but I wasn't interested. Thankfully, the elevator arrived. I gave Gabriel a little wave before stepping on the elevator. To my dismay, he stepped on it with me.

"Lunch." He said, pressing the 1st floor button.

"Cool." I said, nodding.

"Wanna join me?" He asked.

"Look, I'm sorry for my behavior. I drank too much and turned into that drunk girl that I hate. I'm not like that so you're really wasting your time." I informed him, sharply.

"Wasting my time by seeing if you want something to eat?" He asked, cocking his head at me.

"We both know that's not what you're asking." I accused.

"I thought that was what I asked."

"Sure," I scoffed. "And you and those two girls were just making a snack in the kitchen on Halloween."

He didn't say anything as the elevator descended. When the doors opened to the lobby, he let me out first.

I walked out as fast as I could without looking suspicious. Gabriel kept up with me. When we got to the door, he stopped me.

"So was that a yes or a no on lunch?" He asked.

"Did you not just hear me?" I asked, exasperated.

"I heard you ask me not to judge you, and then right after that you judged me, but no answer on lunch." He answered, matter of factly.

I blushed again. "You're right. Sorry."

"That's ok. I'll even let you pay for lunch." He smiled.

"I can't. I'm busy and judgments aside, I don't know you well enough to know if I wanna have lunch with you." I said, before I left.

When I got back to Dallas, I actually had time to kill before our holiday luncheon at work. The clinic was closed Wednesday to Friday. The luncheon was set for 3pm. I took Justine for a walk before going home and freshening up. I dropped off Lamar and Patrick's gifts with Lamar before leaving for the luncheon.

Jordan and the other nurses were already there. The clinic rented out the restaurant for the afternoon. The smell of smoked meat made my stomach growl. I brought in the presents for my coworkers before I dragged Jordan outside so could give her her gift. It was a huge variety set of Keurig Coffee and a his and her mug set. Jordan told me how much she loved Derek's Keurig that his mom got for him. I figured the his and her mugs would be a nice little hint to Derek to make things official with Jordan.

"I have yours inside." Jordan exclaimed, taking the gift and putting it in my car.

"I didn't wanna be rude. I didn't get all the nurses something."

"So? I didn't get all the physical therapists something." Jordan confessed. I laughed at her.

At 3, not everyone had made it from the clinic, but the ones who had started to eat. We went through the buffet line of brisket, turkey, beans, cole slaw, potato salad, macaroni and cheese, greens beans and salad. Jordan and I sat down with Q and a few nurses.

"Doesn't feel very festive without booze." Q commented.

"I know. I blame Cathleen." Jordan said.

They all started laughing.

"Who's Cathleen?" I asked, between bites of Texas toast. They explained how the Christmas luncheon used to be dinner for families too, including an open bar. Until Cathleen, a former nurse, got drunk and revealed an affair she was having with Steven, leading to his divorce.

"Wow. I never knew." I shook my head.

"Yep, that's why I found it hilarious when he told Heather when he overheard us talking about you and Forrest." Jordan said.

"When did that happen?" I said, confused.

"In the locker room when you told me you were hooking up with Jake. He just heard the part about me asking about you and Forrest." Jordan explained.

"Speaking of, Rachel called a truce. She invited me to a happy hour, wanna come with me?" I asked.

Jordan looked down at her tacky Christmas sweaters. "Not like this!"

"Her friends are dressing like that too." I reassured her.

She agreed and we chatted while the other staff joined us. When all the physical therapist arrived, I handed out the gifts.

"Awww, I feel bad. I didn't know we were exchanging gifts. I just thought we were getting Sandra something." Heather frowned.

"Don't. The only reason y'all got gifts was because my friend's kid had a fundraiser." I joked.

"Amber?" Q asked me, quickly.

I looked at him, questioningly.

"She has three kids right?" He shrugged.

"Yes, but it wasn't one of her kids." I responded.

After we ate, we presented Sandra her gift. We all chipped in to buy her ICE! at Gaylord Texas Resort featuring Frosty tickets for her and her kids. She was very thankful and gifted us with Christmas cards with Starbucks gift cards. We made a pact if any of us won the golden Starbucks card, we would share! After a couple hours of socializing and eating dessert, Jordan and I headed to Fort Worth. We dropped off her car at her apartment so I was designated driver.

I was surprised when we pulled up to a hole in the wall bar. I was even more surprise to see it was karaoke night. It did not seem like Rachel's type of bar at all.

The surprises kept on coming when I saw Rachel and her friends. Their "dressing up" was matching red Santa hats. Other than that, they looked ready for a night out on the town. Jordan shot me an evil glare. I looked apologetically at her.

Rachel saw me and smiled broadly.

"Everyone, this is Lily!" Rachel introduced.

"Hi everyone." I said, waving. Everyone was polite, but eyed me curiously. I knew I was in for it when Serena smiled at me, sincerely. Normally, she regarded me with barely contained contempt, if she acknowledged me at all. I expected for the girls to start singing "Jingle Bell Rock", mean girl style.

Instead, they got wasted. Her friends were so rowdy and wild, I kinda loved it. Rachel was a completely different person, open and laughing and silly. They were reminiscing about their college days when karaoke started.

"Alright Lily, what song are you doing?" Rachel called to me.

"I'm not." I shook my head. Public singing was on the top of my list of fears. That, rats and aliens.

"But you love karaoke. At least you did on your birthday." Rachel grinned.

"What happen on her birthday?" Crystal, Rachel's sorority sister, asked.

"Nothing worth repeating." I blushed.

"It won't be repeated if you perform! I'll forget all about it." Rachel laughed.

"Really Rachel?" I moaned.

"Yep. I think it'll make us even." She grinned.

I took a deep breath.

I decided if this was she needed to make amends, I would do it. Besides her and Jordan and maybe Serena, I didn't have to see any of these people again. Why let them have that power of me? Giving a lap dance was so much more embarrassing, even if I couldn't remember it! So fuck it!

I went to the front and request the most ambitious Christmas song I could think of: Mariah Carey. Not even she could sing this song anymore, if the internet could be believed.

I got up and sang a pitchy, off key rendition of "All I Want for Christmas is You". What I lacked in vocal talent, I made up for in enthusiasm and dance moves. I got both cheers and jeers from the crowd. At the end of my performance, the only reaction I cared about was Rachel's. She was giving me a standing ovation.

"Are we friends now?" I asked her as she hugged me. When she nodded, I clarified.
"Real friends? Not just tolerating me or whatever you've been doing?"


"Lily, after you did that for me, we are best friends, I promise!" She beamed at me.

"We better be... because Mariah has a lot of songs, I can get back up there..." I threatened.

"No! That will ruin our friendship." Rachel laughed. I laughed too.

I did end up going back up there with Jordan, Serena, Rachel and another one of Rachel's friends. We did "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Merry Christmas", N'Sync style. I had a blast with them. When I got home, I thought about how the whole day was a success.

Ethan and I were ok again. Rachel and I were better than ever. Jake didn't reach out to me, but that was fine. I just hoped he believed what I wrote. I meant every word. I felt anxiety hit me as I thought about Trevor and what he would think of the note I wrote him.

I knew he wouldn't open it until Christmas. We started the tradition of never opening the gift until Christmas day in college. We exchanged gifts right before we went our separate ways on winter break. I knew he upheld the tradition just like I did.

I was nervous that maybe he did open the card. Then I was worried that he did open it, but didn't want to respond. Urgh, it was maddening, but ultimately out of my control. I had to stop worrying about things I couldn't control. I conquered my fear and let him know exactly what I felt. That was a success, no matter how he responded.
I sighed and laid down in bed. Moments later, Justine joined me. When I went to sleep, I was content. I felt like things were looking up.

All it took was a little Christmas to finally get me headed in the right direction.