Dark Side

"There's a place that I know

It's not pretty there and few have ever gone

If I show it to you now

Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay

Even if it hurts

Even if I try to push you out

Will you return?

And remind me who I really am

Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side

Do you love me?

Can you love mine?" Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson

I hopped up quickly from the bed and followed Sammy out of my room and into her room.

"We do need to talk." I said to her as she went to her closet.

She gave me a dirty look. "How long have you been fucking Trevor?"

"I haven't, he slept in bed like we always have. How long have you and Ron been fucking?" I returned.

"Bullshit! I never agreed to not hook up with him like you agreed with Trevor." She accused me.

"Don't turn this back on me. This is about you. I thought we moved in together so you can get your life together. Not just a place you stay when you’re not bartending or fucking your boss!" I informed her.

"Lily! Stop. What's wrong with you?" Trevor said, as he appeared in the doorway, staring at me in disbelief.

"No Lily. Keep going. Trevor needs to see the real you. Then maybe he will stop following you around like a fucking love sick puppy. You are both so pathetic; you're actually perfect for each other." She said, glaring at both of us.

"I really don't see how a girl sleeping with her boss for money can call anyone pathetic. Wouldn't that make you a pathetic whore?" I spat at her.

"I've fucked for less. We both know that." She said to me, cutting her eyes at Trevor. "I'd rather be a paid whore than a slut." She then gave Trevor a seductive smile.

Trevor looked at her, sadly.

"You both need to stop before you say something you don't mean." Trevor stated firmly.

"I meant every word. It's the truth. You should listen up. You're just a rebound. She'll be on to the next one 'cause she knows you'll always be around for her backup plan. Think about that the next time you 'sleep' in her bed“ Sammy said to Trevor.

I laughed, humorlessly. "You wouldn't know the truth if it slapped you in the face. You've been lying to everyone for at least a month, sneaking around like a little fucking kid-"

Lily!-" Trevor started.

"I'm a kid? You're the most immature bitch I know. No wonder Jake controlled you-"

"Sammy-" Trevor interrupted.

I cut them both off after that remark. "Don't even bring him up. He told me he ended things with you because of how devious you were and how much you lied. I didn't listen to him but I should have!"

"Of course he would talk shit about me! He was trying to fuck you! Didn't take him long, did it?" Sammy yelled at me.

"Fuck you Sammy! Everyone else has." I yelled back at her.

"I'm leaving." Trevor said over us, before turning around and leaving the room.

Sammy and I stared at each other for a moment before I left to follow Trevor. He was heading out the door.

"Trevor, wait!" I called to him. He looked up at me and paused.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that." I apologized.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." He said, sharply.

"You're kidding?!?" I said, shocked. "Did you not hear what she said?"

"After you stalked, followed and attacked her, of course she's gonna react like that." Trevor told me.

"And of course you're gonna react like this. I didn't fuck and dump her, so I don't feel any guilt about telling her the truth." I replied.

Trevor just shook his head and opened the door.

"Nothing to say? Be happy you got it in before she started charging." I exclaimed, frustrated at his lack of response.

"You can continue to rip Sammy or me apart. I'm not gonna stick around to hear it." He said, before he stormed out.

I closed the door after him and took a deep breath.

"I agree with Trevor. Have fun by yourself." Sammy smirked at me as she dragged a bag to the door.

I gave her a fake smile, hiding my hurt at those words.

"I will, if you see Corey, tell him I'll talk to him later."

She blanched for a moment, before her expression hardened at me. "You call him yourself. I know you have his number. You love my leftovers, don't you?" She challenged me.

I grinned, loving that for a moment, I cracked her armor. "Oh, for what I want to talk to him about, I'd much rather talk in person and we both know it's the other way around: Your leftovers love me."

She had nothing to say to that. She just stalked passed me.

I closed and locked the door again. I pushed away my guilty feelings by focusing on Sammy. I knew what she was doing was stupid and wrong. She had to feel the same or she wouldn't have been hiding it. I couldn't let her deflect her guilt on me. I couldn't feel bad about finally giving her a taste of her own medicine.

I knew I got the last word, so technically, I won the fight. I didn't feel like a winner, especially after seeing Trevor's face. When we both cooled down, I planned to have a real conversation with Sammy to air out our issues. For now, I settled on working off some of my emotions with circuit training while watching football.

----------------

It was halftime of the Niners beating the New Orleans Saints when I finished my routine of lunges, push-ups, crunches, planks, squats and jumping jacks. I went upstairs to change clothes and grab my phone. I was disappointed when I had no missed calls. Afterwards, I went into the kitchen to grab some water and lunch. While rummaging through my kitchen, I gave my brother a call.

"Hello?" He answered, frustratingly neutral.

"Hey! How'd it go?" I asked him, impatiently.

"Good. The Niners are looking great." He replied.

"The proposal, not stupid football!" I fussed at him. "What happened?!?!"

"We're engaged!!!" I heard Jenna exclaimed as Cam laughed. "Come see my ring!"

"I have, but I wanna see it on your finger! Be right there!" I smiled, before closing the refrigerator. I grabbed my water bottle and a package of granola that I bought for Bianca's visit. I didn't like it dry, but I figured it would hold me over until I got real food.

On the drive over, I munched on the cereal and drank the water. The unpleasantness of the morning faded away as I thought about my brother's engagement. I was so happy for them!

I made it to his apartment in record time. I knocked excitedly on the door. Jenna opened the door, grinning ear to ear.

"Please come in." She said, formally, gesturing me in, exaggerating with her left hand, showing off the beautiful ring.

"Oh my God, it looks so much better on your finger!" I exclaimed, giving her a hug. "Congratulations!!!"

"Thank you! I plan to be one of those obnoxious girls that waves her ring in everyone's face." Jenna laughed, hugging me tight.

I laughed too before following her into the living room. My brother was on the couch, watching the game. It was a little surreal seeing all the flowers surrounding him as he causally watched the game. It was his normal behavior but he was getting married and everything would change. He would be a husband and have a wife and a family completely independent of me. It was a scary thought but the smile he gave me pushed my fears away. I would get over myself if it meant him being so happy.

"Way to go bro!!!" I congratulated at him, sitting beside and throwing my arms around him.

"Thanks sis." He said. Jenna came and sat on the other side of my brother.

"So, tell me everything!!!" I exclaimed, smiling.

"Let's wait. Trevor is on his way." Cam answered.

I miraculously kept the smile on my face.

"Sure, let's wait for Trevor, not for overtime to be over." Jenna teased Cam, motioning towards the game on TV.

"Hey, he helped set it up as well. You don't need to tell the story twice." Cam said.

"I'm gonna tell it a million times." Jenna smiled leaning over to give him a kiss.

I smiled at them.

Trevor showed up right when the 49ers recovered a fumbled in overtime. He walked in while Phil Dawson, our kicker, lined up to kick a field goal for the win. I pretended like I was engrossed in the game but watched Trevor from the corner of my eye. My brother and I both cheered excitedly when he made it for the win.

"Best weekend ever!!!" Cam proclaimed, reaching out to slap hands with Trevor.

"The game or the engagement?” Trevor smiled at him. He changed into dark denim jeans and a vintage blue Wonder Woman shirt. It made his eyes stand out even more.

"Both." Cam said as I gave Trevor a little smile. It felt insincere to me. He returned it anyway.

"So did you say yes to the ring and the engagement or Cam?" Trevor asked Jenna.

She pretended to think about it. "Both."

We laughed as Trevor settled on the couch next to me.

I focused on Cam and Jenna as they told their engagement story and not on the tension between Trevor and me. Jenna had no idea what Cam had planned when he took her to her favorite Italian restaurant. She was shocked when she saw all the flowers, candles and music when she got home. She was exploring the room as Cam set out the strawberries and champagne from the refrigerator. She still didn't know what was going on when he sat her down on the couch. It hit her when he got down on one knee.

"He just stared at me, with the box. I knew what he was going to do, but he was just silent. I was thinking to myself 'just ask so I can say yes!'" Jenna gushed.

Cam actually blushed while Trevor laughed. "We practiced dude!!!"

"Fuck off Trevor." He flushed.

"When he did speak, it was sweet and perfect. Well worth the wait." Jenna beamed at Cam.

"I wanna hear the speech." I asked, smiling.

"He told me how much peace and understanding I brought into a dark period of his life by loving him. He asked me to marry him so he could give me the same for the rest of our lives." The smile never left her face, even as she leaned in close to kiss him on the lips again.

"See? Told you: love, peace and understanding." Trevor nudged me, with a little grin.

I smiled at him genuinely. That's all it took for the tension to melt away from us.

"What was that?" Cam asked when he and Jenna stopped gazing disgustingly- err, lovingly- at each other.

"Nothing. I just wasn't aware flowers have different meanings." I admitted.

"I know rose colors do." Jenna nodded.

"Flowers too." Trevor said. He explained why he picked out the array of flowers and it was just as romantic as the engagement story. I listened, watching him, entranced.

"That's why I recruited you. I knew I could count on you." Cam nodded.

"Hey! I contributed. Music and candles were my idea." I added turning to Cam.

"Yeah, she told me we needed candles to set the mood." Trevor grinned at me.

"You said they symbolized bow chicka wow wow." I threw him under the bus.

"Shut up Lily."

"He also said that he thought of Jenna-" I hinted.

"As a beautiful bride. When is the wedding?" Trevor stopped me as I laughed.

Cam eyed us, suspiciously as Jenna answered.

"I don't know. We don't want a long engagement but there's some things we need to figure out before the wedding."

"Like what?" I asked, curiously.

"Like our house-"

"-Household duties." Cam finished for her. Jenna looked at him curiously. I felt the same way.

I scrunched my face up. "Y'all live together. You haven't figured that out yet?"

"I thought we did... but it's Sunday and there's no food." Cam said, sarcastically.

"You know why I was busy." Jenna gave him a knowing look.

"Ewww, gross." I said, pretending to cover my ears.

Trevor grinned at me. "I guess the candles worked."

We decided to have dinner together at Cam's favorite restaurant, Texas de Brazil. We started our meal at the salad station, helping ourselves to salad, fresh cheeses, an array of vegetables including asparagus, Brazilian hearts of palm, grilled mushrooms, and olives; salamis, black beans, jasmine rice, sushi, and soup.

Trevor's non-food-adventurous-self skipped majority of the salad area. He stuck to the mashed potatoes, fried bananas and cheese bread served as sides as we went back to the table and raised the flag to show we needed meat.

Waiters dressed up as gauchos, Brazilian cowboys, came with spikes of meat that they carved for you to your heart's content. My workout was pointless as they came by with filet mignon, chicken, filet mignon or chicken wrapped in bacon, all kinds of sausages, pork loin, lamb and of course picanha. I would have claimed Texas de Brazil as my favorite if my brother hadn't already and if I didn't love food so much. I could never pick a favorite. It would be like picking a favorite kid. I wouldn't do it!

I began eating with a grin on my face and no other care in the world when Cam spoke to Trevor.

"Are you gonna eat?"

I looked up just in time to see Trevor turn away from me.

"Yeah. I'm just gonna watch your sister put this place outta business first." Trevor grinned.

I laughed. "I'm gonna try."

Sadly, my eyes were bigger than my stomach. I could barely finish the plate I got, much less ask for more. I never left room for dessert, which was a shame as the sample plate looked incredible. Trevor solved that problem by ordering dessert for us to go.

We happily took pictures and toasted Jenna and Cam as we waited for the to go bag. When the bill came, Trevor grabbed it. I was determined to at least split it with him. I made the argument that Jenna and Cam were my family. I should be treating them.

Trevor agreed. "Exactly. I'm just glad I get to be a part of this. Let me pay."

"You may not be family, but you’re definitely a part of me- of this." I corrected, blushing slightly.

He smiled at me warmly, pulling out his wallet anyway.

I turned to my brother and Jenna who were both watching us.

I threw out the idea of an engagement party so all the family could meet to change the subject. Cam said he would think about it. I told him it was happening and Jenna just laughed.

Cam drove us back to his apartment before we went our separate ways. Trevor told me he would meet me at my apartment. I nodded as Cam called me back when I was on the way to my car.

"What's going on with you and Trevor?" He asked me.

"Nothing. This old dude once told me to take it easy on dating and stuff." I said, quoting him. "That's exactly what I'm doing."

"So now you wanna start listening to your wise older brother." He smiled at me.

"Well, I guess I should follow your advice. You did get Jenna to agree to marry you. I'm so happy for you. I agree with Trevor. I'm so grateful I get to be a part of y'all's life together." I smiled, giving him a hug.

Cam was never much of a hugger, but he held me close to him for a long moment. When I pulled away, his eyes were troubled.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said. "I think the reality is hitting me. I'm gonna be a married old man."

I laughed. "No way. A married older man with a hot wife that even Trevor fantasizes about."

"He what?!?" My brother asked, pissed. I laughed before taking off.

Surprisingly, I beat Trevor to my apartment. I was pulling out my phone to call him when I heard a knock at the door. I quickly went to open it. Trevor stood at the door with a bottle of red wine and the take out dessert.

I smiled at him. "About time!"

"Still hungry?" He said, in mock disgust.

"Feed me!!!" Was all I replied.

He laughed and I went and grabbed two wine glasses and a bottle opener. I poured the wine while he pulled out the crème brûlée and the chocolate mousse cake.

I reached for the custard dessert when he pulled it away. I frowned.

"You told me to feed you." He grinned.

My mouth was watering with anticipation as he spooned a little crème brûlée. He gave me a teasing taste. The small creamy bite topped with crunchy sugar gave me just enough pleasure to piss me off. I needed more.

"Good?" Trevor asked me as I licked my lips.

I nodded, parting my lips for more.

"After we talk about this morning." He said, putting it down.

I groaned. "No fair."

"All's fair in love and war. Since you declared war on Sammy, you leave me no choice." He smiled at me.

I sighed. "I'm not declaring war on her."

"Coulda fooled me." Trevor responded.

"Was I harsh? Absolutely. Did I take it too far? Maybe. That's the only way to get her attention and let her know I'm not fucking around with her on this." I told him.

"I don't think it's the only way-"

"It is for me. I set this tone in our relationship where she thinks she can say what she wants, lash out at me and I'll leave her alone. I have in the past for the sake of peace. I can't this time. I'm not biting my tongue for anyone anymore, especially not something this important." I said with conviction.

"I don't think it is one extreme or the other Lilypad." Trevor pointed out. "I couldn't believe the things I heard coming out of your mouth. You're better than that. Don't stoop down to that level."

What Trevor didn't realize was I wasn't better than that. He knew me better than most, but even he didn't know the fucked-up-ness that was a part of me. My past, my experiences, even just my fucking personality had... I don't know... just darkness. There was only one person I allowed to see that part of me: Jake. Even though he handled it, (I know now it was because he had some of his own) we didn't work out. If Trevor couldn't handle me giving Sammy a well-deserved bitching out, how could handle that part of me?

I sat there, thinking it over when Trevor offered me a huge bite of chocolate cake.

I moved my mouth away. "I don't agree with you. I'm not gonna change." I said, stubbornly.

"Ok." He said, still trying to feed me the cake.

"I still get dessert?" I asked, surprised.

He gave me a look. "Duh. I said talk to me, not agree with me. I know better than to keep food from you permanently. I don't want my ass kicked." He teased.

I smiled and opened my mouth wide. I did eat the whole bite, grinning happily. We finished both desserts together and sat on the couch in a food stupor. We didn't even move to turn on the TV. The only reason Trevor picked up his phone was because it was beeping obnoxiously.

"I didn't change back the tone. I didn't wanna miss your brother's texts yesterday." He explained of the annoying sound.

He read over the text then looked at me. "You told your brother I fantasize about Jenna?" He asked, incredulously.

"Whoops." I grinned at him.

He grinned too and put his phone away. "You just got me an ass kicking. What am I gonna do with you?"

I shrugged. "Love me?"