Mr. Roboto (Ethan's POV)

"I'm not a robot without emotions-I'm not what you see
I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free
I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour, forget what you know
I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control
Beyond my control-we all need control
I need control-we all need control
I am the modern man,
who hides behind a mask
So no one else can see my true identity" Mr. Roboto by The Styx

"What do you think Ethan?" My mom asked me as we stood by the entrance of the party, greeting guests that were steadily arriving. I looked around the room; It was nice. Even if I saw something wrong or out of place, I wasn't going to say anything. She put the whole party together without any input from me. It was simple but elegant, exactly how I would have planned it. There was nothing I could criticize.

"It's perfect mom." I said, turning to look at her. "Thank you."

She hugged me, her eyes glistening. She looked thrilled. "No, thank you. I'm so proud of you Ethan. Of your success, the man and father you have become. This is nothing compared to what you deserve."

I hugged her back before she pulled away.

"What time is your brother getting here?" She asked, moving forward to play with my tie. It was more out of her need for something to do. The red tie I paired with my favorite Ralph Lauren two button charcoal suit and white dress shirt was tied securely like always.

"He just texted me he was heading home. Rocky, Lily, and Brandon should be here in soon." I replied.

"Should I save Lily a seat with us?" My mom asked me.

I straightened up. "If there is no seating arrangements, let her decide where she want to sit." I said.

The seating arrangement was the only thing she wanted my help with. Once she knew who was coming, she wanted to make sure there were plenty of seats and space. She thought the best way to accomplish that was with a seating arrangement. I disagreed. That was opening a can of worms I wanted nothing to do with. Everyone was adults, they could figure out where to sit without arrangements.

I let my mom take over greeting people at the door as I caught up with guests. I had extended family, a few old friends from high school and college, and past and present colleagues in attendance. I played gracious host for 30 minutes before I joined my dad, my friend and colleague Daniel, and my uncle for a drink.

"You done making the rounds already?" My dad asked me.

"I need a break." I said.

"A break from your own party?" My uncle Ricky chuckled at me.

"Technically, it's mom's party." I corrected him.

"Well, you can take me to make the rounds. There are a lot of ladies I need to be introduced to." Daniel smiled at me.

I ignored him. There was no woman in this room I would subject to him. I didn't wanna catch their wrath when it didn't work out. Like always.

"Brandon still hasn't made it." My mom announced, joining us. "Maybe I should text him."

"Don't. Give him some time. Maybe he got caught up at work." My dad answered.

"More like Lily or Rocky are running behind." I commented, doubtful that he had a retail emergency.

"Lily's the girl from the BBQ right?" Ricky asked me.

"Yes. The one that called the other one a b-i-t-c-h." My dad chuckled. They both laughed.

Daniel nudged me, drawing my attention from my dad and uncle, before saying, "How is it that Ethan got the promotion, but baby brother shows up with two beautiful women?"

I turned to see Brandon, Rocky and Lily standing before us, with smiles on their faces. After we said hello, Lily handed me a gift.

I was truly taken aback when I saw the briefcase. I ran my fingers over the nameplate, truly in awe: of her thoughtfulness and surprise she remembered that conversation. It was a couple of years ago, but so much had transpired between us since then. The fact the she remembered meant a lot.

"You don't have to use it. I just wanted you to have something tangible." Lily's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

I looked up at her and smiled. "I will use it. It's perfect. Thank you Lily. I can't believe you remembered this." I said, genuinely pleased.

"I remember everything." Lily smiled back at me.

"Did you know that when Ethan was in the 5th grade he picked out a briefcase for his backpack? It was adorable." Mom asked Lily.

As my mom spoke, I took that opportunity to examine Lily. She looked good. She always looked good, but she looked so happy too. It was radiating from her.

"She does. I believe she said she would have hit it out of my hands." I told my mom, stopping my perusal of Lily's face.

"I said bullies." Lily lied. I recalled everything from that day. Words, smiles, caresses... Everything.

"No, you said you would have." I rebutted.

"I don't remember that." She shrugged.

"Of course not." I said while everyone laughed.

"Son, do you want me take that to the coat check? Your brother can take the ladies' coats." My dad said, forcing me to look away from Lily.

"I got it" I said, moving forward to take Lily's sweater.  I turned to my mom before we left.

"Let Lily know she can sit with us." I requested, softly. My mom smiled and nodded.

On the way to the coat check, my dad turned to me.

"Why haven't you worked it out with Lily? What are you waiting for?" He asked.

"What are you talking about dad? She just got out of a relationship." I said, curtly.

"With one of my friends." Brandon added.

"Hush boy. Your friend broke the code."

"So he should break it again?"

"How can you break something that was already broken-"

"Both of you can stop. It's not happening." I said, sharply.

Lily and I have been back and forth and up and down this road before. I decided to move on when she asked me to take a step back so she could build a relationship with Jake. That's exactly what I did. It didn't matter I was still attracted to her or that she still had the ability to get under my skin. I made the decision to be just friends. I was sticking to it.

We dropped off the coats and the gift. While heading back to the party room, my dad stopped me.

"There were other people vying for the partner position right?" He asked me.

"Of course."

"Why did you get the position?"

"I put in the work for it. I did what it took to beat out the competition." Daniel was one of the people I beat out. I was glad the competition didn't affect our friendship, but at the same time, it wouldn't have mattered. I wouldn't let anything get in my way.

"Now that relentlessness and hard work, why can't you apply that towards a relationship?" My dad continued.

"I promise you, I will; when the right one comes along." I waved him off.

"You would never take that attitude with your career." My dad grumbled.

"Dad, you always told me to lighten up." I said, getting irritated by the conversation.

"Not about this. Doesn't it bother you that your brother is closer to settling down than you-"

"I'm not going settle down with anyone because of what Brandon is doing. Brandon had time to devote to a relationship while I was working on my career and raising my son. It'll happen when it happens. End of discussion." I cut him off, coolly.

This was supposed to be a night of celebrating my success, not my failures with relationships.

"You got it son. Just don't let your tunnel vision blind you from what's right in front of you." My dad finished.

I masked my irritation and we went back to the table to sit down for dinner. I was disappointed to see that Lily choose not to sit with us, but I understood when my mom explained to me she wanted to sit with Amber to help out. I talked to Will earlier, so I knew where they were sitting.

 Lily was nowhere in sight. I looked around the room until I saw the cobalt blue of her dress. She was standing next to the bar with Jake. I stopped watching them when Lily left and joined the table with Will and Amber, and Jake and Jasmine went in the other direction. I looked away and enjoyed dinner with my family.

After my dad's touching, but also passive aggressive tribute, I made the rounds again to thank everyone for coming. I stopped to grab a drink with Will. I have many acquaintances, many filled the room tonight, but very few friends. Will is one of the few I considered a friend. I admired him and his family as much as he admired me and my career. He was very open about his past and life experiences. I normally don't open up to people so quickly, but his openness made it easier.

We were talking when Lily made her way over. She grabbed Robbie from Will and tried to coax me into dancing. I wasn't a dancer at all. All those skills went to my younger brother. I could two step, but that was about it. She called me a robot and hopped on the dance floor.

"See you later." I called to her.

"Only if it's on the dance floor." She said, over her shoulder with a smile.

 I watched her as she dance and laughed with Robbie. I couldn't take my eyes of her. Maybe my dad was right. I was missing what was right in front of me...

"Ethan!" Hilary, an old colleague from my first job in Dallas, called out to me. She gave me a hug before pulling away. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you. How have you been?"

We found a seat and caught up. She talked about the project she was working on and how frustrated she was in her current position.

"Anthony's still trying to get fully staffed. It's a lateral move but there's room for growth." I informed her.

"I know. Every time I think about leaving, I think about all the time I put into the company." She said.

"Exactly. All this time and they still haven't acknowledged your contribution. Larry is stuck in his ways. I know Anthony needs the experience and contacts."

"I'll think about it."

"While you do, send me your resume."

Hilary smiled. "I was lying. I have no intentions of leaving for a start up."

"A start up that's in association with a company that I'm partner at." I added.

"You like throwing that title around, don't you?" Hilary smiled.

"I say it cause you should be there too. Your work is innovative and solid. They are not appreciating your skills where you are. It will be appreciated with Anthony. You just have to take that risk."

"You preaching about taking risk? Mr. Failure is not an option."

"Absolutely. Being partner has taught me some things."

"What's that, partner?"

"You know what's worse than failure?"

"Being jobless and broke?" She said, sarcastically.

"That's not going to happen."

She looked at me expectantly.

"Regret." I said, simply. "You can always try again. You'll regret what you don't try."

"Fine." She muttered. "I'll send my resume."

"I knew you'd see it my way." I smirked.

"Alright. I think I'm gonna get going." Hilary said, standing up. I stood up too.

"I'll get your coat."

I passed the dance floor and saw Rocky and Lily dancing with each other. My own words about regret replayed in my mind.

At the coat check, I retrieved Hilary's coat. Lily and regret were running through my mind. The most frustrating thing about Lily was that I couldn't figure her out. Every time I thought I did, she'd show me another side of herself. She was a walking contradiction. Crude, but sweet. Independent but unpretentious. Fun-loving but responsible.

Even the gift she gave me was a contradiction. I ran my finger against the leather of the briefcase Lily bought me: It was sentimental at the same time she was making fun of me. In a way, I did have tunnel vision. I focused on all the reasons we wouldn't work. Maybe it just would. Maybe it wouldn't. Would I regret not trying?

On the way back to Hilary, I saw Brandon and Rocky.

"Where's Lily?" I asked them.

"I don't know." Rocky said, looking at Brandon. He shrugged.

"If you see her, keep her close." I said.

I went to Reggie next. "Do me a favor. When you see Lily and me on the dance floor, play a song about robots."

"Ok..." He said, confused.

I walked to Hilary, determined to set my plan in motion. I didn't wanna debate it, question it or think about it anymore. This was certainly the most spontaneous, ill-thought out plan, but I just needed to get her to see I was willing to try.

I wasn't going to make the same mistake I did last time. She might not be ready for a relationship, but she needed to know my feelings. I didn't want her to see me as a cold, detached and unfeeling. Even if nothing came of it, at least I would have tried.

After Hilary put on her jacket, I walked her out. I was so occupied with what I would say to Lily, I didn't even notice Jake and Lily sitting in a corner by the door. That was, until I heard my name.

"-Ethan put you through so much with the baby and you still wanted to be with him. Trevor had years of chances. Why won't you give me just one more chance?" Jake was saying.

My steps faltered to a complete stop.

"I know it sounds cliche or like a line, but I'm working on myself. I don't know what I want. I do know that Ethan and Trevor both only know the sides of me that I want them to see-" Lily responded.

"Are you coming?" Hilary asked me as I stood, blocking the door. I quickly went through it.

As I walked her to her car, the only thing running through my mind was the thought of a baby.

What baby? Was Lily pregnant? With my child?

After Hilary got in her car and drove off, I stood in the parking lot, thinking. I saw Jake cross the parking lot. I didn't even know my feet moved until I was behind him, tapping him on the shoulder.

He turned around, confused. He relaxed when he saw it was me.

"Hey man, congratulations again-"

"Was Lily pregnant by me?" I cut him off, sharply.

His face fell. It revealed everything I needed to know. "That's something Lily needs to choose to talk to you about."

I clenched my fists. "Don't worry. She will." I said, barely holding in my rage.

"You can't force her to talk about it. I did and-"

I punched him so quick, I wouldn't believe I did it if my knuckles weren't throbbing after connecting with his face. He grabbed his face, protectively.

"You don't get to tell me what I can and can't do.  You didn't tell me that you were sleeping with her, dating her or that she was ever pregnant with my child. Don't tell me what you did now that it doesn't matter." I spit, venomously at him. I turned around and headed back to the country club.

"Ethan, I know your upset, but she feels bad too." Jake said, following me. "The last thing you wanna do is go in there and make a scene."

She feels bad too? I turned to look him in the eye. He braced himself for another attack, unnecessarily. I was done with him.

"I won't make a scene, as long as you don't step foot in there. I'm done with you. You're dead to me." I said, eerily calm.

I turned back when he didn't say anything. So many thoughts were racing through my mind. There was no stopping them. I walked into the room, spotting the blue of her dress easily. Before, the vibrant blue was lovely, now it was infuriating.

I walked over to her. My dad gave me a concerned look. He knew me well enough to know something was wrong.

"Do you have a minute?" I asked Lily as calmly as I could muster. When she nodded, I led her away from the table. I didn't even register the music until Lily laughed and placed her arms around me.


Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Mata ah-oo hima de
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Himitsu wo shiri tai
{Thank you very much, Mr. Robot
Until the day (we) meet again
Thank you very much, Mr. Robot
I want to know your secret} 

I put my arms on her hips and played along. The words I was planning on telling her wouldn't matter. If she did what I thought she did, my feelings no longer matter. I would never open up to her again. She wouldn't have to worry about me being cold, unfeeling or detached. She wouldn't be a part of my life anymore.

"So I didn't mean robot as a compliment. They're cool and all, but not to hang with-"

"Were you ever going to tell me?" I asked, abruptly.

"Tell you what?" She said, confusion distorting her features.

"About my baby. Our baby. Were you ever going to tell me?" I asked.

The way she froze and color drained from her face confirmed my suspicions. The small part of me that didn't wanna believe it broke. Not broke, it detonated; blowing me up into pieces.

I didn't let her see it. I stared at her, constructing another facade. She would be dead to me now too.

She was the second she aborted our baby.