Viva Las Vegas (Intro)

"How I wish that there were more

Than the twenty-four hours in the day

'cause even if there were forty more

I wouldn't sleep a minute away

Oh, there's black jack and poker and the roulette wheel

A fortune won and lost on ev'ry deal

All you need's a strong heart and a nerve of steel

Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas" Viva Las Vegas by Elvis Presley

I didn't need my alarm to wake me up Friday morning, I was already awake staring at the ceiling. I was having trouble falling and staying asleep so I laid in bed, waiting for my alarm to go off. When it did, I got up, showered and got dressed. My bags were already packed, all I needed to do was let Justine outside, sit out her food and then Uber to the airport were I was meeting Rocky. Brandon was dropping Rocky off, and I made sure to get to the airport super early, hoping to avoid Brandon. I had no idea if Ethan told anyone about the breakup yet, but I didn't want to deal with anyone's reaction. I just wanted to get through the weekend, with a happy face for Rocky and my family.

I had made it through security, found my gate and was sitting at a coffee shop when Rocky called me.

"Are you on your way?" She chirped, way too brightly for 7am.

"I'm already at the gate." I informed her.

"Too excited to sleep? Me too! I woke up early and woke Ace up to spend time with him."

"Woke me up too..." I heard Brandon grumble in the background.

"You were the one that had to spend the night to drop me off so deal with it." Rocky snapped back at him. "I'll call you when I'm on the way to the gate. See you soon!"

After she got off the phone, I overlooked the agenda Rocky put together. Today, I had my dress fitting in California at 10am, then we were flying out to Vegas for dinner and the Mariah concert with Beatrice's group. After the show, Rocky and I planned an impromptu bachelorette celebration with Beatrice at the Caesar Resort.

Saturday morning we planned breakfast and shopping with them before going on the High Roller Ferris wheel that Jenna set up for us. We planned grabbing lunch at Guy Fieri's restaurant before a scheduled nap time. Bianca had her birthday dinner before her appearance at the club. After her club appearance, we were going to walk the strip, see the Bellagio water show, do some gambling before heading back to the resort for a late night snack at Gordon Ramsey's Pub before bed. Sunday, the ladies were leaving in the morning but Rocky's and my flight wasn't until the afternoon. We were having brunch at Bobby Flay's restaurant before hitting up the Wax Museum at Rocky's request before we had to get ready to go.

I forwarded the agenda to Bianca, who sent me a thumbs up emoji. I knew she was flying into California, but had no idea where she was coming from. Her latest Instagram post had her in New York, but I recently found out someone else controlled her page so now I couldn't rely on her social media for information. My phone rang again and I directed Rocky to me. I waved her over when I saw her, admiring her skinny jeans, slinky purple top and black cardigan. I looked sloppy in comparison in sweatpants and a fitted t-shirt.

Rocky shook her head after I pointed this out when I hugged her. "You have a man and a social life outside of a 3 month old. I'm trying to have both at least for the next 72 hours."

"So random peen it is?" I asked, ignoring her comment about me having a man.

"No... But random flirting, possibly making out? We'll see." She smiled at me.

I smiled as we sat down. I got her order and she watched our carry-ons as I grabbed our drinks and food. We had plenty of time to eat and drank before our plane began to board. We got the more spacious 2 seaters in the front of the plane, put our bags away, and both put our headphones on while we waited for the plane to take off. I was able to doze off for a little bit, but woke up an hour before we descended into California.

My dad was actually there to pick us up from the airport. We met him by the baggage claim. After I greeted him with a hug, he stacked Rocky's and my bags and dragged them out the airport as we followed.

"How was your flight?" Dad asked us.

"It was good. Smooth." I responded.

"I slept through most of it, so it was great for me." Rocky commented.

"You are a new mom: that's to be expected. How is Ace doing?" Dad questioned.

"He's amazing." Rocky gushed. I smiled, pleased as the topic of Ace occupied the conversation for most of the drive. My dad didn't get a chance to ask about Ethan and I didn't have to lie about him.

We arrived at the bridal boutique, where Beatrice and another woman were waiting for us. After hugs, Beatrice introduced me to her cousin Marianne.

"I'm going to let you ladies get to it. Be on your best behavior in Vegas." He told us all.

"Of course." Marianne giggled, while I smirked to Rocky.

Yeah, best worst behavior.

Rocky's returned smirk let me know we were on the same page. My dad left and Beatrice went to the sales associate to check if they were ready.

"So you're Carlos' daughter. How old are you again?" Marianne turned to me, scrutinizingly.

"27." I replied.

"27? Wow. From the way everyone described you, I figured you'd be much younger." She said, with a disbelieving shake of her head.

My first reaction was to be defensive, but I felt more ashamed of the comments I made about Beatrice last Thanksgiving. At the behest of my dad, Beatrice may have forgiven me but I understood if Beatrice's friends and family didn't have the highest opinion of me. I sucked it up and dealt with it.

"I know, I definitely acted like a brat in the past. I'm just grateful Beatrice forgave me so we could move forward." I told Marianne, sincerely.

She gave me a look I couldn't decipher before she nodded curtly. "Good." 

When she left, Rocky immediately asked me. "What was that?"

"I'll explain later." I promised as I saw Jenna walk into the boutique. I stood up and made my way over, giving her a hug.

"Hey sis." Jenna embraced me. I warmed at her calling me sis like Cam did.

"Hey yourself!" I grinned at her. "It's so good to see you!"

"It's great to be seen." She smiled radiantly before hugging Rocky too. "I'm so excited for this weekend. I can't wait to get to Vegas."

"3 hours, 30 minutes." Rocky counted down.

"And 2 bridesmaid dresses. I'm sorry if during my wedding I put you through half of what I've been dealing with being in this wedding." Jenna muttered.

"You were the most laid back bride ever. I'm guessing Beatrice is not?"

"It's not Beatrice-" Jenna started before Beatrice and Marianne made their way back to us.

"They're ready for us." Beatrice gleamed as we stood up to follow them. We were immediately offered glasses of champagne. Rocky and Jenna took one while Beatrice, Marianne and I declined. Marianne was on a cleanse and Beatrice declared it was too early. I was waiting to drink when I was in Vegas and as I didn't want to be drunk in front of my future stepmom and her friends.

Jenna and I both went into separate changing rooms to try on our respective dresses. Mine was a pleaded halter style light peach maxi dress with a thigh length slit on the side. When I came out, Jenna was in the mirror wearing an one shoulder fitted maxi dress in a deeper shade of peach.

"It looks beautiful on you." Beatrice proclaimed, standing up to examine me. "Do you like it?"

"Yes. It's fine." I nodded.

"Be truthful. Everyone is wearing maxi dresses, but different styles and shades. I can switch out dresses if you don't like it." Beatrice offered, graciously.

"No." I smiled at her eagerness. I really didn't have a preference; I told her as much when she first asked me my opinion. Knowing that I didn't want to come off as I didn't care, I elaborated. "I love  the dress. It's perfect. Thank you for picking it out for me."

"Your cousin helped picked them all out. She is God sent." Beatrice smiled.

"Where is Bianca? I thought she was coming." Marianne asked.

"She had a last minute meeting. She's going to meet us at the airport." Beatrice said, whipping out her phone to take pictures.

Marianne got up and began looking over the dresses critically. "Her neckline needs to come up and I think the slit is too high. We can pair shawls with both dresses so it's not too revealing. Also, it's not too late to add some bling and sparkle-" She rambled on.

When I saw Jenna making an exasperated face behind Marianne's back, I knew she was the bridesmaidzila. Jenna confirmed my assumption after we finished our fitting. We arrived at the airport and went to the bathroom together and I asked about Marianne.

"We've had 3 different wedding parties already! An engagement party, a wedding shower, and a wedding party brunch. And, she just sent out an email for group activities in the D.R. I've spent more to be a bridesmaid then I spent to be a bride."

"Are you serious?" Rocky asked, shocked.

"It's pretty damn close." She nodded to Rocky before looking at me. "It's not the money though, you know your dad offered to pay."

"And I know my brother turned him down." I nodded.

"Exactly." Jenna confirmed. "It's the disregard to other's time. It's not anything Beatrice wants; Bianca and I had to talk her into this bachelorette trip. I don't know if Marianne is living vicariously through Beatrice, but she's doing way too much."

"I'll shoot her down on the group activities in the D.R. She already doesn't like me."

"What did she say?" Jenna questioned me.

After filling Rocky in on my meltdown last Thanksgiving, I told Jenna about Marianne alluding that I was immature.

"She was completely out of line. You should tell Beatrice. Or your dad. He would kick her out of the wedding." Jenna plotted.

I grinned at her vitriol towards Marianne. "No. Let's just get through the weekend. The wedding is in a few weeks and everything will be over." I suggested.

"I agree. Just focus on the most important part: the bachelorette trip. We can get drunk and party all in the name of the wedding." Rocky added with a playful shimmy of her shoulders. Jenna and I laughed at her.

"Are you drunk already? How many glasses of champagne did you have?"

"Mind your business." Rocky flung at me.

By the time we made it to our gate, the other ladies arrived. Beatrice introduced everyone: her best friend Destiny, the co-owner of her bakery Gabriela, and of course Marianne.  After a quick hello, Bianca led us to Noelle's private plane.

"Actually, it's her parent's, but they don't use it as much as Noelle does. C'mon." Bianca explained as we boarded the plane.

It wasn't my first time on a private jet, but I don't think I could ever get use to the exuberance of flying private. There were 4 regular aircraft seats, facing each other with a table in the middle. The rest of the seating were luxury sectional couches, reclining chairs and there was even a separate bedroom with a full size bed. Bianca definitely gotten used to this lifestyle. She immediately instructed the flight attendant to bring her pillow and weighted blanket so she could go to the separate bedroom to catch a power nap.

"Everything ok?" I asked her, picking up on shortness and overall less than excited demeanor.

"Yes. Exhausted, but I'll be better once I get some rest. See you ladies in Vegas." She waved before sequestering herself in the bedroom.

I took her word for it and focused on getting to know Beatrice's group of friends. They caught up with each other and I mostly listened. Everyone was warm and welcoming and if they felt some kind of way about me because of my previous behavior, they hid it better than Marianne. By the time we got to Vegas, I was convinced it was just Marianne and relaxed tremendously.

Bianca was in much better spirits after we landed, excitedly running through our plans while simultaneously tapping away at her phone. She was glued to it the second we got off the jet, got into the limo and finally arrived at the Caesars Palace. Bianca received the VIP treatment as we bypassed the reception lobby and was ushered up to a penthouse suite.

"Noelle hates that she can't join us tonight, but wants you all to enjoy the room and show." Bianca told us before we all fanned out to claim our rooms. Beatrice got the connecting suite with a king size bed and Rocky, Jenna and I picked the other connecting suite with queen double beds while the girls sorted out sleeping arrangements in the two bedrooms in the suite. Jenna stated she would be good on a couch if we didn't want to share a bed. I quickly told her that wouldn't be a problem as me being Rocky's wingwoman, it was my duty that she would be having a random fling, not sleeping.

"Lies. We're sharing a bed and your sleeping the opposite way. And I get the comforter." Rocky corrected me.

Once the sleeping situation was sorted, everyone gushed over the suite and cute gift bags and bottles of Angel Champagne. The gift bags had Mariah Carey merchandise, hangover kits, designer sunglasses and pink bridesmaids fanny packs.

"Who put these together?" Beatrice asked as her friend Destiny popped open a bottle of champagne.

"Noelle." Bianca replied.

"They are perfect. Please thank her for me." Beatrice smiled.

"I will." She said, pulling out her phone.

While glasses of champagne were filled and passed around, Bianca played on her phone. As soon as Marianne ended her long winded toast, Bianca went straight back to her phone. I sipped my champagne and watched her. She looked up when she felt me staring at her.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Are you going to be on your phone all weekend?" I asked.

"Not all weekend. Just checking in on Noelle. She's filming at her place right now." She said, with a sheepish smile as she put her phone down.

"Oh. Ok. Is that why you didn't race for a room? Because you're staying with her?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to be filming for her reality show too?"

"Some." She shrugged me off. "What do you think of the room?"

I allowed her to change the subject and looked around the gorgeous, decked out penthouse. It was a two story duplex with beaded chandeliers, a wet bar, mood lights and a circular booth overlooking the strip. "It's alright. I was hoping for the Villa like they had in the "Hangover", but this will do."

She laughed at me. "Shut up before you end up sleeping on the roof like he did in the movie."

We had dinner reservation in a couple of hours, so we all started to get ready. We all decided to wear the Mariah Carey tops from our goodie bags. I paired my black tank with the lyrics "Vision of Love" with a metallic shorts and jacket combo. Bianca wore her white Mariah rainbow shirt with a green blazer and short matching set and statement jewelry that I wasn't sure was real or fake. Rocky wore a "Always Be My Baby" black and white tank with red leather leggings and heels while Jenna paired her "Infinity" tank with a bandage skirt. Marianne and Gabriela wore their respective shirts with jeans while Destiny had her tank under a jumper.

Beatrice went all out, channelling her Mariah Carey t-shirt that featured a picture of Mariah with teased, curly hair. Beatrice styled her hair the same way and tucked the shirt into a white sequined mini skirt. She wore brown lipstick a la Mariah. It reminded me of how I channeled Rihanna when I went to her concert.

"I wish I had the patience to curl my hair like that." I told Beatrice after I complimented her look.

"I can curl your hair for you." Beatrice offered.

"Oh no. That's ok." I quickly declined.

"A few curls in your ponytail won't take long. Let me." She smiled, excitedly.

"Ok." I agreed. We went into her room and she plugged back in the curling wand. While it warmed up she had me sit in the chair so she could pull my hair down.

"This is weird. Very much step momish." I cut the silence with a joke.

She smiled. "I know you and Cam are too old to need a stepmother, which is fine. I've never been maternal."

"My mom- the woman who gave birth to me, wasn't either so it's actually what I am comfortable with." I said sarcastically.

"I can't imagine my life without my mother in it. Why I don't expect you to think of me as a stepmom, I would love it if one day you would be comfortable enough with me to consider me a friend. I'm here if ever you need anything. Even if it's telling your father to back off." She disclosed with a secret smile.

"Ok." Emotion welled up in me, and I nodded to avoid getting choked up. "I might take you up on the Dad thing though..."

Beatrice and I shared a laugh before she placed spiral curls in my hair. She told me about growing up being a complete girly-girl and boy crazy. She told me how she would pray for great romance and a good man and didn't get either until she was in her 30s.

She gathered my curls back into a high ponytail, leaving a few to frame my face. I loved my hair; it completed the casual glam look I was aspiring to. I even traded out my nude lip for her brown lipstick. We joined the girls back in the suite and took pictures together before we headed to Nobu. Bianca made us a reservation in a semi private pod. Marianne lamented not sitting at a tempaki table, but I tuned her out. After ordering our drinks, we decided to order omakase.

Every 7 courses of our meal were delicious. We had fresh tuna sashimi, seared salmon, avocado tartare, steak teppanyaki and of course sushi. My favorite course was the miso glazed seabass and a close second was the dessert- flourless chocolate molten cake with fresh fruit and mochi ice cream. It was mind blowing perfection and I had to eat my words that all Japaneses food in America paled in comparison to Japanese food in Japan. That thought briefly made me think of Trevor, but I quickly banished him from my mind. I took another shot a sake, my promised to stay sober around Beatrice out the window. My promise to not worry about my pathetic love life was more important.

After dinner, I was stuffed, tipsy and had no idea how I was going to make it through the concert. When the first strains of "Honey" blasted through the Coliseum and everyone started cheering and screaming when Mariah came out, I was up screaming right along with them. I fed off the energy from the room and the excitement was contagious. I wasn't a die hard fan nor did I know all the songs, but the ones that I did know, I sang and danced along with everyone.

I had a blast up until the song "Can't Let Go". The lyrics and everyone singing/shouting them was too much.

"Even though I try I can't let go

Something in your eyes

Captured my soul

And every night I see you in my dreams

You're all I know

I can't let go"

It was too much and before the song brought up the person I banished from my mind, I left to get a drink. I ordered a tequila shot and was heading back when I heard the track "We Belong Together".

"Who else am I gonna lean on when times get rough?

Who’s gonna talk to me on the phone 'til the sun comes up?

Who’s gonna take your place? There ain't nobody better

Oh, baby baby, we belong together"

The pain of Ethan breaking up with me flooded me and I hightailed it back to the bar. I finished my shot and ordered a margarita. I walked back just in time for "Like That". It was an upbeat party song that fit the mood and I sipped my drink happily as I joined back singing and dancing. The last song of the night was "Hero" and Rocky and I drunkenly sang it to each other between giggles. After the show, we came out still hyped and ready to party.

"Noelle is at a party. VIP all the way- The entire night club was rented out. Great music, drinks, celebrities..." Bianca trailed off.

Everyone agreed enthusiastically while Beatrice shook her head. "I need to head back to the room."

"Why Bea?! Celebrities!?! When are we ever going to get a chance to party with celebs. I wanna meet Mario Lopez!" Marianne fanned herself.

I snickered but Beatrice just shook her head.

 "I came to see Mariah. I did that. I need rest for shopping tomorrow. You all can go."

"No. We are sticking together." Destiny spoke up.

"Right. Besides, we came here to celebrate your wedding and my birthday." Bianca stated "We can't do that without strippers and the party won't have any."

"No. You did not order strippers!" Beatrice gasped.

"Not yet but I will if we go back to the room." Bianca threatened.

"I won't allow it." Beatrice shook her head widely.

"You won't have a choice."  Bianca giggled. "It's a birthday gift to myself."

"Ok. One hour at the party." Beatrice compromised, pulling out her phone.

We all cheered and hollered when Gabriela asked Bianca "Would you have gotten male or female strippers?"

"Neither. They're trashy." Bianca made a face and we all laughed.

Bianca insisted we go back to the room and changed into more formal outfits. I put on the black romper from her collection that I planned to wear on her birthday and told myself I would pick out somethine else when we go shopping. After everyone changed, we left in the limo and made our way to another resort. It had an indoor-outdoor night club on it's roof top pool deck. As Bianca flashed her ID and got us in the party, she explained that one of Noelle's friends was releasing some new wireless headphones and this was the launch party.

I was glad we changed as all the women at the party were wearing barely there dresses and club attire. Marianne dragged Beatrice and Destiny along to spot celebrities, Jenna and Gabriela headed to the bar, Bianca went to find Noelle and Rocky and I went to dance. We made our way to the dance floor and dance for like an hour straight before we needed drinks and to sit down. Rocky and I went to the bar and got a couple of drinks before we explored the party for a place to sit. Outside, in the private cabanas their were wireless headphone set up to try and plenty of seats. We stopped at the closest one with seats available in sat down. I grabbed the headphones that looked like a crown.

"Come try them with me." I encouraged Rocky.

"Hell no. I don't know where people's ears have been." She declined.

"Here are some wipes and covers if you prefer." A cute guy sitting near us in the cabana offered Rocky.

"Thanks." She took them and handed one of both to me.

"I don't know where your hands have been." I mocked her, playfully as I wiped the headphones.

"About to be upside your head." She threatened me.

The guy from before chuckled and Rocky looked him over briefly before turning back to me. I gave her the wide eyed he's-cute-talk-to-him look, but she ignored me and cleaned her headphones. After we put them on, I grabbed an IPad they were connected to and scrolled through the playlist. It took me forever to find something Rocky and I both would like. Apparently, this guy was a huge Christian fan. I skipped passed his songs and kept looking.

I looked up and saw Rocky talking to me. The headphones were noise canceling, so I didn't understand. I took one of my headphones off and signal for her to do the same.

"What did you say?"

"I said hurry up!" She exclaimed.

"I'm trying to find something for your fucking Marvin Gaye old ass music lovin-"I gripped at her.

She snatched the Ipad from me and scowled as she looked. "Who is this guy? Why couldn't he just put Apple music on here? Nobody wants to listen to his playlist..."

"Each cabana has a different genre. This is EDM. The headphone settings are different for each genre." The same guy with the wipes called over to us. "If you like, I can show you to the R&B spot. Most likely no one as legendary as Marvin Gaye on his playlist, but he has a few artist that make classic R&B." He told Rocky.

"What do you know about Marvin Gaye or R&B?" Rocky asked him, cockily.

"Let's get it on." He told her, flirtatiously.

"Right." Rocky said, sitting her headphones down. "You ready Lily?" She turned to me, dismissing him.

"You didn't let me finish." He laughed, moving to sit next to us. "Let's get it on is one of the few songs I know, but I'm willing to learn."

I didn't know much about being a wingwoman, but the way Rocky was eying him made me believe she was interested... Or at least intrigued.

"Please take her to the R&B cabana. The only Marvin Gaye I know is the Charlie Puth song." I said, smiling at them both. He smiled and Rocky pursed her lips at me. When he held out his hand, Rocky grabbed it and followed him away. When one of the guys he was talking to came and sat beside me, I politely excused myself and went to another cabana.

The cabana I went to was rap, but it was really chill and melodic. It was filled with artist like Phora, 6lack, Bas, Goldlink and Tink. I made a mental list of the rap artist as it wasn't all profanity and club music. I was grooving out, swaying to the music as I listened when someone tapped my shoulder. I looked up startled and a little pissed when I saw a guy interrupted me. My annoyance turned to surprise when I recognized his face.

"RJ?" I put the headphones down as I faced one of the leads from the record label Christian was signed to. "How are you?" I said, giving him a one armed hug out of habit. His wife Jennifer and I didn't end things on a positive note. Hell, we didn't end things at all: I just ignored her when she sent me that stupid message. I didn't know how to act around him.

"I'm good. Just working. What brings you here?" He asked me.

"Bachelorette/Birthday weekend.  Mariah tonight for my future stepmom, my cousin has a birthday party tomorrow. You said you're working?" I asked him.

"The headphones are a joint venture with the label. Christian invested in them and convinced the label to as well. We're selling albums with them in bundles."

"Cool. They are great investments. The noise cancelling really works. I didn't even hear you sneaking up behind me."

"I didn't sneak."

"Exactly." I chuckled, nervously. A moment of silence went by before I asked what was running through my mind.

"Is Christian here?" I blurted at the same time he said, "Does Christian know you're here?"

I shook my head. "No. I had no idea he would be here."

RJ raised an eyebrow at me. "Cody, he's behind the headphones, grew up with Noelle. She introduced him to Christian. She knew Christian invested. She should have known he would be here."

I frowned. "Wow. Ok. I gotta go. It was nice seeing you."

"You too." He said before I turned away. I quickly headed in the direction that Rocky and her dude walked over to. I eventually found them on a lounge bed, listening to music.

I removed one of her ear buds to talk to her. "Hey, I'm heading out."

"What? Why?"

"I'll explain later."

"No, I'm coming." Rocky shifted to stand, but I stopped her.

"No. Stay. As your wingwoman, you must stay and enjoy random peen." I instructed her.

The dude burst out laughing and Rocky tried to glare at me but was holding back a smile. "We turned them off dummy."

"Oh... Well, you'll be a big dummy if you don't make like Marvin Gaye and get it on." I grinned.

"I agree." He added.

"Bye Lily!" Rocky dismissed me.

"Later!" I waved at them.

"Call me the second you get back!" She called after me.

"Will do."

I felt bad for not trying to find the rest of my group, but I had no desire to be at the party any longer and risk an uncomfortable Christian sighting or run in. I was rushing to the elevator, ordering an Uber from my phone when I saw the door closing. I picked up the pace, and thankfully, a guy stuck out his arm to let me in.

"Thank you." I said, looking up from my phone, to flash a quick smile.

"Anytime." The older guy winked at me. "Where are you headed to gorgeous?"

Eww, he looked older than my dad.

"Home." I said, shortly as I quickly checked out my surroundings just in case the dude was a creeper. My eyes clashed with Christian's. Well, I couldn't see his eyes behind his shades, but I could feel them barring into mine. I stared back, completely oblivious to the guy still talking to me.

"... You should show me around." He continued yapping on.

"Sorry. I'm calling it a night." I said, pressing the 3rd floor button. When the elevator stopped, I got off.

"See you around sweetheart-"

I cringed at the guy's parting comment as the elevator closed. I couldn't believe I left, trying to avoid Christian and ended up on the same elevator as him. How did this happen to me? I contemplated going back to the party, but all I wanted was quiet... And food. I really was craving comfort food. I knew I was eating my emotions recently, but I had worst habits when dealing with a break up- like starting relationships with guys who were no fucking good for me. Seeing Christian reminded me of that mistake and I needed to eat to salve that wound. I shook off all negative thoughts and waited a few moments before pushing the down button for the elevator.

Before I got on, I checked to see who was inside. A harmless group of friends continued chatting among themselves about their plans as I stepped on. I got off on the ground floor, stepped into the lobby when I heard someone call my name. I looked up to see Christian, pulling down his sunglasses as he approached me.

"I literally got off the elevator to avoid this." I sighed.

"I know, although I was thinking it was like 40% me and 60% the old dude." He responded.

"Flip the percentages. He's a stranger so I can give him the benefit of the doubt." I said, tersely.

"I deserve that." Christian stated. "I wanted to talk to you about it for awhile, but I had no way of getting in contact with you."

"You coulda sent a message through Mia." I cocked my head to the side.

He shook his head, ashamed. "By the time I realized how wrong I was, I wanted nothing to do with her."

"Ok. So you wanted to say sorry?" I hurried him.

"Partially. I understand if you don't forgive me but I need to own up to my shit. You told me that remember? You couldn't be friends with someone who didn't take responsibility for their actions?"

"We can't be friends Christian."

"Maybe not, but I don't want you to run from a party because I'm there." Christian pointed out. As I thought about it, my Uber app pinged, notifying that my driver arrived.

"Look, cancel that. I'll take you anywhere you wanna go and if you don't like what I have to say, I'll leave any spot we happened to be at together." He pleaded.

Intrigued and knowing the feeling of wanting forgiveness made me agree. I cancelled my ride and followed Christian to his car that was waiting for him. Once I told the driver Caesars Palace and we took off, Christian began speaking.

"When we first started hanging out, I wasn't over Noelle. I didn't want to be with her, but I hadn't got over how she treated me. It fucking hurt when I realized she was using me for clout and a storyline. That's one of the reason I wanted to be with you 'cause I knew you weren't about that. I felt like if you liked me for me and not what I could do for you, it would prove something, ya know."

I nodded, completely understanding that feeling of self doubt and not being good enough.

"I should have respected you being honest with me about not being ready to be in a relationship, but I got pissed off because I felt like you were rejecting me. That's a trigger for me." He said, rubbing his hair, looking down.

I understood that too: it was a trigger for me as well.

"I was in a dark place: being pulled in all different directions, using drugs to stay awake, to numb my emotions, to get through the day. I kept thinking that when my album came out, I would be ok. My album came out, it was successful, but I still felt worthless."

Goddamn, I knew that feeling too. I still felt that. I grabbed his hand and he looked up.

"No, don't. I'm not telling you that to feel bad for me. I'm telling you so you know where I was at. I need you to know I don't think you're a slut or fake or anything else I called you. That was all me. I'm sorry for putting you through my shit Lily."

"I forgive you." I told him, squeezing his hand. "I told you before we have a lot in common. I meant that. I've felt everything you just described to me. My therapist told me once that hurt people hurt other people. I've done the same thing Christian. I'm glad you're at a place where you can deal with it and get passed it."

"Me too." He said, squeezing my hand.

We arrived at the resort and he half smiled at me. "So next time we're at the same party, do I need to duck out?"

"No. You better not leave without saying hi or sending a drink." I joked.

He gave me a full smile now. "Noelle really didn't tell you I was going to be there tonight?"

"No. Did she really know without a doubt you would be?" I questioned.

"Yeah, she reached out to Hugo about me filming with her weeks ago. Hugo harassed me about it, but I told him no way. I thought if she couldn't bring her cameras, she wouldn't come. Didn't work." He explained.

I kept quiet, but I was wondering if Bianca knew.

"Can I ask you a question about your relationship with her?" I broke the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you stay with her? I mean, she broke up with you. Even after she cheated, you were willing to make it work. Did you just love her that much?"

"Looking back, I don't think I ever loved her. At least, not who she really was." He started, thoughtfully. "Jennifer always says it's hard to work on a relationship, it's harder to work on yourself. Normally what she says goes in and out, but there was truth in that. I didn't want to deal with myself. It was easier to stay in the relationship." Christian confessed to me.

That resonated with me. Talking to Christian was like holding a fucking mirror up and I could finally see myself clearly. Seeing myself answered the question that had been plaguing me all week. I reached across to Christian and gave him a full hug.

"Thank you for stalking me and making me talk to you." I pulled away.

He chuckled "Anytime."

I got out of his car and took long strides into the hotel. I passed all the restaurants and lounges and went straight to my room. I located the nearest phone and grabbed it. I punched in the number I knew by heart and waited for it to ring. I knew calling like this was impulsive, but I promised myself this would be the last impulsive thing I would do. I looked at my phone and saw it was a little after 1 o clock, meaning it was 3 in the morning in Texas, but everything was so clear to me I had to get it out and be done with it. The call went to voicemail and I contemplated hanging up and calling until he answered, but I knew he was a hard sleeper. I decided to leave a voicemail instead.

"Hey Trevor. It's me, Lily. Calling from a hotel suite in Vegas, so you don't have to block this number too. A voicemail is a horrible way to clear the air, but I just needed to tell you something. When we met almost 10 years ago, I never felt worthy of family, friends, or love. I didn't think I was good enough for none of that. So when you came along and showed me affection and always made me smile, you were one of the few things that made me feel good about myself. I put you on a pedestal and when you loved me back, I felt like I was on that pedestal too. No matter how unhealthy and toxic our relationship was, having you in my life, having your love, kept me on the pedestal."

The tears were falling now, but I plowed through, my voice never wavering. It hurt to admit my fears, but that was the only way to move past them. I was finally ready. It had been a long time coming.

"I couldn't let you go because I was afraid of falling off that pedestal and being that 18 year old girl who felt worthless. I know now that I will never be that girl. I've changed not because of someone else, but because I don't need validation from anyone but myself. I don't need a pedestal because I lift myself up. I understand why you needed to cut me off. A text and blocking me was a fucked up way to end things, but I get it. It's the same reason why I'm letting you go now.  I know I will be ok alone and I hope you'll be ok too. I wish you nothing but love and happiness and success and everything else you want T-Rev."

My voice faltered when I called him T-Rev, but that's only because I deleted the nickname from my vocabulary. I thought if I didn't call him that, my feelings for him would eventually fade away or something. I shook my head at my childish notions as I put the phone down. My feelings would never just magically disappear; because I loved him, he would always be a part of me.

My mom was a part of me, even though she walked away. My dad was a part of me, he took me and showed me love the way he knew how. My brother, my first protector and friend was a part of me. Every friend, family member, ex; anyone I loved was a part of me forever. While they were parts of me, I determined who I was. For the first time in my life, I was 100% confident with who I was. I knew I was strong enough to be on my own and bounce back from anything. And I knew without a shadow of doubt I was worthy of my family, my friends and of love. True, unconditional love and I would never settle for anything less.

I went to sleep that night, feeling better about myself on my own than how I felt about myself with anyone else.

It was a fantastic fucking feeling.