Wait (Trevor's POV)

"You say I'm just another bad guy

You say I've done a lot of things I can't undo

Before you tell me for the last time, yeah

I'm beggin', beggin', beggin', beggin', beggin' you

Wait, can you turn around, can you turn around?

Just wait, can we work this out, can we work this out?

Just wait, can you come here please? 'Cause I wanna be with you" Wait by Maroon 5

***Trevor's Point of View***

"Leave."

The last word Lily said to me repeated over and over in my head as I left the hotel. Her tear stained face was etched in my brain as I hastily grabbed Thor and his belongings from Rocky's house. Lily's bloodshot eyes haunted me the entire drive back to Austin.

"Leave."

It wasn't the first time Lily pushed me away. She did it over and over again in our relationship: From getting her to admit she had feelings for me to her refusing to get back together on my birthday. Every single time, deep down in my heart I knew she would eventually come around. Our love was too strong for her not to... My phone rang, cutting off my thoughts. I grabbed it, ready to turn the car around if it was Lily. It wasn't. I answered when I saw it was Rocky.

"Where are you?" She demanded as soon as I picked up.

"On my way home."

"To my house?"

"No. I left your house. I'm heading back to Austin."

Rocky sighed heavily. "You went to see her, didn't you?"

After my speech, I searched the crowd trying to make eye contact with Lily. I didn't see her or Ethan when I returned to the table. Everyone congratulated me and I asked Rocky where Lily went. Rocky narrowed her eyes at me. She'd been giving me this look a lot the past few days.

"She'll be back." Forrest answered for her. He was giving me a disapproving look, but I pretended not to notice.

"What's her room number?" I asked Rocky.

Rocky shook her head and before she could start getting on to me, I turned to leave. I was ready to knock on every hotel room door if I had to to find her.

"Trevor." Jordan approached me, giving me a hug as I reached the exit of the room. 

"That was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing." She said when I pulled away.

"Thank you. I wanted to check on Lily but she's not answering her phone- do you know her room number so I can try her there?" I asked Jordan.

"Um... 508? I think. Definitely the 5th floor." Jordan said, thoughtfully.

"Thanks." I said, leaving. 

When I was nervous about speaking because I didn't know what to say, Jordan was the one that encourage me to speak from the heart and share my experience of how much support meant to me while I was fighting cancer. The first person I thought of was Lily. She was the reason all my friends rallied beside me when I hid my diagnosis. She sent me care packages and wrote me letters when I pushed her away. She supported me after I broke up with her.

Her support is what got me through the darkest of days. I wore the never give up Pac Man t-shirt she got me when I had chemo treatment. I would replay our first date and every date after making the time fly by. No matter how sick I felt, I forced myself to drink one of her meal replacement milkshakes every morning, hearing her passionate speech about how important it was to break the fast. I kept her letter with me at all times, re-reading the words whenever I got low or discouraged: You fight cancer and I'll fight for us. It kept my spirits high, the dream of us getting another chance once I beat cancer is what kept me going.

That dream was crushed when J-Mike showed me the video of her hanging out with Christian on Thanksgiving. The fact that she chose to spend time with him instead of me vindicated my previous actions. Even if I did beat cancer, life with me would be constantly having to worry about cancer coming back. Biological children was something I no longer wanted. Our lives would never be the way she planned: Why would she settle for a life with me if was hanging out with someone like Christian who could give her everything she wanted?

The jealousy and hurt made me cold and bitter. At the point, I didn't even want to be friends with Lily. Every time I saw her I felt betrayal, anger and proof that I wasn't good enough. Hanging with J-Mike didn't help. He encouraged me to move on, made plans for the trips and traveling we were going to do and the girls we were going to see. None of those plans compared to the memories I had with Lily. When I found out Bianca and Noelle were the only reason she was hanging out with Christian, the feelings of anger and betrayal went away.  I knew I still wasn't good enough for her, but if Lily would have me I would spend the rest of my life trying to make her happy. When she turned me down, I was afraid she didn't love me anymore.

When she came to be there doing my surgery, I knew there was still a chance for us. When she kissed me, I felt all the love she still had for me. It didn't matter who she was dating or hanging out with- she still loved me. It still hurt like hell when she started to date Christian, but I knew it wouldn't last. I knew with time Lily would see how selfish and two-faced Christian was, but I hated that she was with him so I acted out about it.

From telling Christian that Lily slept with Richard to bringing that blonde to Rocky's birthday day party, it was all ways to get under Lily's skin. I figured if she felt any of the hurt, jealousy or longing I felt for her she would reach out to me and we would finally work it out. She never did and Sammy threatened to cut me off to save her friendship with Lily. That was my wake up call that if I kept it up, I wouldn't even have Lily as a friend.

So I attempted to be her friend. When Ace was born, I apologize for the way I was acting and offered my friendship. When she wanted to talk in person to hash everything out, I drove to see her. When she asked me not to tell Cam about Johnny, I respected her wishes. I needed to be her friend again because that was how we fell in love. I know I had to wait for things to happen organically but planned to speed things along by being a constant presence in her life. That plan went to hell when I found out she was dating Ethan.

As much as I hated Christian, I understood the attraction. I dissuaded him from dating Lily and maybe Lily had to see what could have been between them. Ethan on the other hand, I didn't understand. He was wrong for her in every way. He would never appreciate her for who she was and wanted to change her. I could tell already by how formal she was when we took the dogs to the park. She maintained distance between us, not just physically but emotionally too. She didn't make plans with me without conferring with him. When we talked, she put me on speaker phone so he could hear. From her social media, their nights consisted of playing house with EJ and it made me realize that maybe she didn't want him, but the family he offered.

I pointed this out to Rocky, and she cut me off- stating that Lily was happy and that's all that mattered to her. Rocky told me if I was a true friend, I would support her relationship with Ethan. I agreed but also plotted to go to Italian Vila to see if that was where Ethan was taking her. Fate was on my side as they walked in the restaurant 20 minutes after Rocky and I were seated. Lily was always a beautiful woman, but the way she carried herself now was someone in complete control and confident. I stared at her in awe until she caught my glance. Some of the confidence wavered as she walked over to us. I could tell she was nervous and didn't want to sit with us, but how could I deny fate?

They sat down with us and one thing that was abundantly clear during our tense dinner was that Lily and I still had a connection. More than once Lily's and my eyes would meet and we shared a secret smile or a joke. Ethan barely spoke at all and there was nothing between them. By the end of dinner I was convinced that Lily and I still belong together.

Rocky lectured me again about supporting their relationship and how disrespectful I was being. I argued that I didn't see how I was being disrespectful by having dinner together, but that was a lie. I had nothing but disrespectful thoughts since I saw Lily in that red dress. It fit her body perfectly and showed off her full tits and long legs. I never got to see it from the back, but I'm sure it was just as sexy... 

Rocky must have been able to read my mind, because she snapped at me. "You weren't here when y'all first broke up. She was devastated and broken. She's finally put herself back together again. If you love her, you have to let her go Trevor." Rocky pleaded with me on the drive home.

I didn't say anything because I didn't want to lie. Honestly, her comment proved my point. Lily didn't love Ethan; Ethan was only the safe choice because she would never love him the way she loved me therefore he couldn't hurt her the way that I did. I only had to show Lily we belong together and I would never hurt her. When I took Jordan's advice and spoke from the heart, of course I spoke about Lily. She was my heart. I didn't want to be without her anymore.

"What happened Trevor?" Rocky asked me, bringing me back to the present.

"I told her I still loved her. She asked me to leave." I told her the shorten version.

"I haven't been able to get in touch with her or Ethan and you're driving back to Austin. I'm not dumb. I know it was more than that. Tell me everything that happened." She demanded.

"I gotta focus on the road. I'll talk to you later." I said, not waiting for a reply before hanging up.

I arrived back at my place, nodding to the doorman as I made my way to the elevator. I normally would make small talk with Frank before I would head up, but he took my luggage and Thor as a sign I needed to get up to my condo. Honestly, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I needed to regroup and plan my next step in getting Lily back.

That was foiled when I walked through my foyer and saw Bilal lounging out on my couch.

"The fuck? Did I ask you to house sit?"

"Naw. Rocky asked me to check on you. She said you better be dead or close to dying considering you hung up on her." Bilal said, sitting up and fixing me with a stare. "Thanks for the heads up. I got my ass chewed out and I'm sure it was meant for you."

I tried to grin, but I'm sure it came out more like a grimace. "I thought you were into that?"

"Hahaha. Now that the banter is out the way, tell me what happened?" Bilal prodded.

I took Thor off his leash and gave him water. I took my bag in the room, ignoring Bilal's question. I was faking like I was unpacking when I heard my voice from the living room. I went back out to see Bilal had a recording of the speech I gave at the banquet blaring from the smart TV.

"How'd you get that?" I said, trying to grab the remote from him.

"Jordan posted it on line. You're #Inspiration." Bilal replied, switching the remote to his other hand to keep it from me. I walked to the tv and turned it off by unplugging it. He started playing it from his phone instead.

I sat down on the coach and ran my fingers through my hair before covering my face with my hands.

"Leave."

The single word echo in my head. Lily had pushed me away before, but this was the first time I felt that she meant it...

"I fucked up." I muttered.

"What was that?"

"Turn that damn thing off and I'll tell you." I moved my hands from my face to point at his phone. Once he turned the video off, I told him what happened- from me interrupting her date to me professing my love for her and she and Ethan kicking me out.

"Damn. I thought you were exaggerating- fucked up is an understatement." Bilal commented.

"If you came here to make jokes, you can go." I grunted at him.

"I'm trying to figure out what you were thinking. What did you expect was going to happen if you professed your love and attacked her boyfriend- she jumps into your arms and Ethan kicks your ass?"

"It would be worth it." I snorted.

"That's fucked up man." Bilal shook his head.

"You have no room to talk. Did you forget sleeping with Rocky at the house she shares with her boyfriend?" I reminded him.

"At least I made sure he wasn't there." Bilal shrugged. When I made a move to stand up, he stopped me. "But in all seriousness, how well did that work out for me and Rocky?"

"She and Brandon broke up..." I said, plainly.

"And she had his kid." Bilal pointed out.

"That was your deal breaker. A kid wouldn't be a deal breaker for me." I told him.

He sighed and rubbed his temples. "We are getting off track. You know Lily better than I do. Let's say she did still love you and wanted to be with you; is she the type to cheat on her boyfriend? To drop him and get back together with you without a second thought?"

"No." I admitted grudgingly. When he gave me a smug look, I kicked my table out of frustration. "I just- what am I supposed to do? Give up? Watch them be together? Congratulate her when they get married and have kids? ?"

"You don't have to watch or congratulate her- but you have to move on."

"How do you move on from someone you're  meant to be with?" I question him. "I can't stop loving her."

"I'll tell you like my mom told me: if you were meant to be together, you would be together. You're not. If you love her like you say, you would want her to be happy. Did she look happy with you this weekend?"

I didn't answer. It was too painful to admit the truth. In my mind, I couldn't help picturing her screaming, crying and crumbling to the floor.

"You're ruining everything."

"No. No. No. No!"

"Leave."

Bilal took my silence as an answer and pulled out my vodka. Half a bottle later and I was still drunkly explaining about how perfect Lily was for me. I told him about how before I left for Wichita Falls for chemo, I discovered a wedding planner in the closet. I detailed how Lily wanted to get married on New Year's Eve and wanted me to wear flannel and eat the same food we cooked together before we officially became a couple.

"I should have married her. I should have told her about the cancer and fucking married her so even if I died we would have been together. No matter what I would be her husband forever." I rambled.

"Maybe... Or you would have beat cancer like you did and the shit that made you not tell her would have torn you apart." Bilal countered.

"What shit?" I slurred, pissed.

"I don't know. Don't romanticize your relationship now that it's over."

"It's over." I repeated. "It's over. It's over." I already did the damage, it couldn't be undone. That sobered me up as my eyes watered.

I grabbed my phone and Bilal tried to grab it from me.

"Whatever your doing, stop." He ordered me.

"I'm just letting her know that I know it's over." I said as I typed out the text. "See."

Me: I'm sry I wont bother you again I know its over

I showed Bilal and he nodded his approval. I sent it, and one more text.

Me: I will always lava you Lilypad.

"Give me your phone." Bilal demanded.

I showed Bilal my phone as I blocked then deleted her number. I removed her from all my social media accounts. I told her how I felt and was now going to give her what she wanted. I would leave. Permanently.

"Email? Skype? Whatsapp?" Bilal question me.

The only thing I had was her email. I deleted that too as unshed tears burnt my eyes.

"I promise, it gets better." Bilal stated, pouring more shots.

I drank it down quickly. "When did it get better for you? With Rocky? How long did it take?"

He didn't reply: just poured himself and me another shot.