Shot Down

"You got me shot down by love

And you got my heart now

Why won't you stop now?

Oh I've been knocked down by you

And you got my heart now

Why won't you stop now?"

Shot Down by Khalid

"What happened?" I asked.

"I told you. We broke up." She said in the same, emotionless voice

"How? Why? I need details."

"He came over, said it wasn't working anymore and left." Rocky said, sitting up. I got up to sit beside her.

"Rocky, there has to be more to the story."

"There's no story. That's it." She said, heatedly.

"You expect me to believe he drove 40 minutes to and from McKinney to get the crab you had a taste for, just to drop it off and break up with you? That's crazy."

"That's what happened." She repeated, stubbornly.

"I talked to him about y'all-"

"You two talked about me?" She cut me off.

"Yes. At Jordan's engagement party. He was comparing you to Rachel- saying that you really didn't want to be with him. I told him that wasn't true and he needed to talk to you."

"Well, he did and broke up with me. I'm done talking about it." She said, with finality as she stood up.

I followed her in the kitchen, knowing she was hurt and was lashing out. I decided to wait for her to open up. She ate her crab legs like she hadn't a care in the world. I picked at my food, guilty that maybe Forrest took my advice and broke up with her...

I pushed that thought aside. I told him to talk to her and to reevaluated the relationship if she was making him feel unworthy. That in no way was advice to break up with her. I knew I wasn't getting the full story from Rocky. I sipped my beer as she finished eating. She looked at me expectantly.

"Are you going to eat?"

"Not hungry." I said simply.

"Do you have plans with Uriel tonight?" She asked, hintingly, wanting me to leave.

"Nope. I'm not seeing him anymore." I said matter of factly.

"Why not?"

"We weren't working out. He wasn't caring or understanding or patient with me. Men like that are rare. Even rarer is one willing to make a relationship work no matter what. Unlike Forrest, Uriel wasn't that type of man so I had no problem giving him up." I said, accusingly.

She narrowed her eyes at me. I waited for her to go off on me so we could get past the anger and get to what happened. Ace started crying, ending our stare down.

She stood up, calmly. "I have to take care of him. You can see yourself out."

"Rocky-" I called after her. She ignored me and walked to her the nursery, slamming the door. I sighed, and reluctantly got up to leave. As soon as I left, I called Forrest.

"Hello?" He asked, grimly.

"What the hell happened?" I exclaimed.

"Can we met up?"

"I can head to your place right now."

"Ok."

I was at his place in 20 minutes. He was on the porch, smoking a cigar. I sat on the chair next to him and waited for him to speak.

"I told her you offered to babysit and she went off. She laid into me for about 5 minutes about how she didn't pump milk, her hair wasn't done, she didn't want to leave Ace. I just took it; I didn't say a word."

He took a puff of his cigar before he continued. "When she finally finished, I told her I understood things were complicated right now with Ace. I told her I needed to know what she needed from me. She said she didn't know. I asked what she wanted and she still didn't know. I asked if she saw a future for us, again- she didn't know." He took a long drag before putting out his cigar.

"I was willing to give her time and space to figure things out with Brandon, to spend time with Ace, and to work out whatever she needed to work out. I understand that. I don't understand her not knowing what she wants. I can't sit around and wait for her to decide if she wants- a future with me." He said, his voice breaking up.

When I saw the unshed tears in his eyes, it made me tear up. I immediately left my chair to put my arms around him.

He broke down in my arms. "I was so sure Lily. I thought she was it. I envisioned our future together. I thought about being Ace's stepdad. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with building a future with me?"

"Absolutely nothing." The tears streaming down my face now too. "You're going to make a great husband and an amazing dad. If Rocky doesn't figure that out and loses her shot with you, she will regret it."

I held him for a few more minutes until he pulled away, wiping his face. "I told her I couldn't do it anymore and left. Then I came home: smelling like crab legs I didn't even get to try." He shook his head, with a crooked smile.

I wiped the tears from my face. "I couldn't even eat after she told me what happened. Let's go get some."

He shook his head.

"I'll get them and bring them back." I offered.

"No. I have graduation tomorrow. I going to head to bed." He stood up.

"Ok." I nodded, understandably. "I mean it Forrest. Rocky's not thinking straight. I'm not asking you to wait for her but I know she's going to want you back." I informed him.

He didn't look convinced but nodded before going inside. I drove home, feeling a mixture of overwhelming sadness and disappointment. After I left Justine outside, I made myself a huge bowl of cereal and went to bed.

Saturday morning, I called both Forrest and Rocky. Forrest said he was feeling good and was sorry for crying like a girl. I told him tears are weakness leaving the body, that's why girls are so strong. He chuckled, and I believed him when he said he was ok. Rocky didn't answer so I just sent her a text, telling her I loved her and to reach out when she was ready.

I then got Justine and my breakfast before getting ready for my date with Ethan. Considering Forrest was at his school's graduation and Rocky didn't respond, I had no reason to cancel the date. After the following night, I really wasn't in the best mood but a small part of me was excited to see what he perceived as my "weakness" for our date. I was outside, allowing Justine to run around when Ethan arrived a little before 10.

"I'll be right back." I waved at him when he rolled down the window. I let Justine back into the house before locking up and joining Ethan in the truck. I leaned over to give him a hug before sitting back in the seat and putting on my seatbelt.

"So what are we doing?" I asked him.

"You'll see." He said. The whole ride, I annoyed him like a little kid for details. We drove to McKinney, so it was a long ride. He remained unfazed not revealing anything until we arrived at a parking lot. I looked around, but all I saw was a faded sign for an indoor shooting range. When he got out and pulled out a black case, I gasped.

"Is that your gun? We going to shoot guns on our date?"

"Yes." He said as he opened my car door.

"Ok. I'm weak and totally uncomfortable around guns. You win. Can we go somewhere else? I suck at golf too."

"No. Come on Lily." He said, holding his gun in one hand and mine in the other.

"Ethan." I whined, refusing to leave the truck.

"I remember how shocked you were when I told you I have guns in my house. I wanted you to learn more about them before you form an opinion."

"I really don't have an opinion. I swear." I lied.

"We won't even stay an hour. You don't even have to shoot a gun if you really don't want to. Watch and learn." He persuaded me.

"Ok. Let's go Clyde." I resigned, trying to hype myself up as I got out the truck.

I was super intimated walking into the store and seeing the numerous handguns, automatic rifles, and ammunition on display.

"Mornin'" An older man standing behind the back counter greeted us.

"Morning Mr. Gathers." Ethan replied as he walked up to the counter.

"Long time no see. You're one of Jo's boys?" Mr. Gather squinted at Ethan.

"Grandson. It's Ethan: Albert's oldest." Ethan corrected him.

"That tells you it's been too long. How's the family?" He asked.

"Good. This is Lily. It's her first time." Ethan introduced me.

"Fo sure not your last." He gruffed loudly.

"We'll see." I smiled, tightly. He asked for both our ids. He looked them over briefly before handing them back.

"Which gun did you bring son?" Mr. Gathers asked Ethan.

Ethan opened up the case to reveal a small handgun. Mr. Gather's inspected it and brought over the ammunition Ethan requested. He picked out a plain shooting target and I asked him to get a zombie. After we signed a waiver, we headed down a flight of narrow stairs.

"That's it? That's all we need to do to shoot guns down here?" I said, loudly over the sound of guns firing.

"Yes. If we were renting a gun or if it was our first time, there would have been more safety procedures, but Mr. Gathers knows me. He was close friends with my grandfather. He starting taking me here when I was 10."

"Wow, that's young." I mused as Ethan led us to our lane.

He put his plain target up and turned to me. I listened intently as he walked me through putting the bullets in the gun, taking off the safety, how to hold and aim the gun, and pulling the trigger. We both put our headphones on and I took a step back before he started to shoot. I watched, memorized as everyone of his shots hit within a circle. After about 10 shots, he turned to me, removing one earbud off his ear.

"You ready to try?"

Curiosity got the best of me and I walked over and stood next to him. He handed me the gun and he spread my legs a little father apart in my stance. He nodded approvingly as I took the safety off before motioning me to aim. I did, and he corrected my form before moving back. I felt a mixture of nerves and power as I fingered the trigger. My eyes closed shut before I pulled the trigger. Even with the head phones, it was extremely loud and my hand shook as I put my arm down and the shell clanked on the ground. It definitely didn't hit the target and I looked at Ethan, hopelessly.

He came back to my side, moving one earbud off my ear. "You gotta keep your right eye open Lily." He instructed me.

I nodded, shuddering at the nearness of him. I think he mistook it for nerves, because he wrapped his arm around my waist, comfortingly.

"Relax." He said in my ear. It only made me stiffen more. I took a deep breath, focusing on the gun in my hands and not Ethan's lean, defined body against mine. "Hold the gun up... Right there. Keep breathing, nice and easy. Now squeeze." I did and still missed. "Good. This time, focus on the front sight. It let's you know where your gun is relative to the target." He coached me. "Deep breath, exhale. Now squeeze." I did just like he said, focusing on the sight instead of the target and firing the gun. It didn't hit the bulleyes like I wanted, but it hit the top center of the paper. I smiled at him, excitedly. He gave my waist a little squeeze. "Perfect. Keep going."

I did, only stopping to reload the gun. When I had 7 good shots on the target I took my headphones off and turned to him. His eyes were focused on my legs in my short denim shorts. He finally looked up and saw me watching him check me out. I gave him a sweet smile. "Can I shoot the zombie now?"

"Sure." He said, standing up quickly to swap out the targets. I did even better with the zombie and only stopped when I ran out of ammunition.

I had Ethan take a picture of me and my zombie target. I smiled at him as we left.

"That was surprisingly fun. I don't think I'll be joining the NRA, but I'm comfortable with handguns at least."

"Good. That was my goal. Are you hungry? There's a great barbecue place up the road."

"Let me check my phone." I didn't have any miss calls or texts from Rocky so I turned back to Ethan. "Yes. Let's go eat."

It was a hole in the wall place with the food set up cafeteria style. Ethan grabbed a tray for us and we filled it with ribs, brisket, potato salad, mac and cheese, green beans, texas toast and cornbread. We skipped dessert for the moment, saying we would come back if we had room. It was so good I knew I wasn't saving room. I stuffed my face and only slowed down to lick my fingers. I would have felt self conscious if Ethan wasn't right along with me, sopping up sauce with his texas toast and washing it down with Shiner beer.

"I've never felt more like a Texan today: shooting guns, chugging beer and devouring barbecue. All I need is some country music and I'm done." I exhaled, sitting back in the booth across from Ethan.

"You can try the juke box in the corner. Don't be shocked if you get napkins thrown at you for playing country." Ethan warned me

I accepted the challenge and walked over to the juke box. I looked through the songs: lots of blues and r&b. There were a couple of country songs but then I saw a Gary Clark Jr. song. I picked it immediately. The bluesy rock song started to play and I headed back to my table.

"Little early for that huh?" The man at the meat carving station called to me as he nodded his head to the beat.

"Never too early for Gary Clark Jr." I smiled back, as I did a little shimmy. He laughed and a few others did or danced along. I made my way back to the booth and Ethan grabbed my hand, guiding me to sit beside him.

"That's not country." He smiled at me.

"No, but he's from Austin so it's even better. I saw him a year or so ago at South by Southwest. It was the first concert I went to and I didn't know who he was or his songs but I left a complete fan." I gushed to Ethan, swaying to the music. "The juke box does not do him justice. You have to see him live."

He placed his arm around my shoulder and watched me, intently.

"What?" I smiled, nervously when he stared at me. "Did that make me sound douchy and pretentious?"

"Never. You're beautiful." He responded, placing a lock of my hair behind my ear.

I flushed. "Even covered with barbecue sauce?"

"Even covered with barbecue sauce." He smiled, resting his hand on the back of my neck. The simple gesture and the look in his eyes made my heart thump with anticipation. He was going to kiss me! I knew it. I didn't back away. I wanted him to. I shifted closer to him...

...and my phone rang, breaking the trance. I pulled away to retrieve it, concerned it might be Rocky. I frowned up in confusion when I saw it was Brandon. I gave Ethan an apologetic look as I answered.

"Hey Lily. Are you busy?"

"Not really. What's up Brandon?"

Ethan perked up at Brandon's name.

"Can you check on Rocky? She thought I was off today and she called asking when I was coming over. She said she's fine, but she sounded tired and it's not like her to forget my schedule. I want to make sure they're ok."

I sighed deeply. "Yeah. No problem Brandon."

"If you're busy, I'll call my mom." He said, tensely.

"No. I'm not. I just wish Rocky would just call me, but it's fine."

"You know she feels like Ace is her responsibility- she won't ask for help. You told me that."

"I know, I know. I'll check in on her and give you a call in a bit."

"Ok. Thanks Lily."

"I need to get to Rocky." I got off the phone and  stood up. Ethan threw a tip on the table before following me out.

"Is everything ok?" He said, catching up to me quickly with his long strides.

"I don't know! She refuses to talk to me. She refuses to talk to anyone. She can't be ok because she has a new baby, she's trying to figure things out with Brandon and now she and Forrest broke up. I don't know how to be there for her anymore." I exclaimed as I stomped to his truck. I didn't even wait for him to open the door for me.

"By being there." Ethan said simply as we took off.

"How? Especially after how she hurt Forrest. He did nothing but love her. I love her too but she lashes out and I can't deal with her anger when all I'm trying to do is help her." I vented, frustratedly. I groaned and put my fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry. I'm verbally vomiting all over you and this is our third date." I tried to collect myself.

"Don't be sorry for talking to me. I'm here for you always. You know that-like Rocky knows you're there for her. She'll come around. Give her time."

"I don't know if she has time. I mean, I'm going to stick it out because she's like family. Forrest on the other hand, is devastated. I know that type of pain, planning a future with someone who decides they don't want it. He's going to move on, and I wouldn't blame him for it."

He looked over at me and I could tell he was measuring his words.

"Say what's on your mind Ethan. I'll take any advice at this point."

"Remember how we said passion and compatibility are important in a relationship?"

I nodded. "Yes. And they have both. I've seen it."

"We left out timing."

"Timing?"

"Yes. Timing is just as important. It took Megan and me years to get good at co-parenting EJ. A new relationship wouldn't have survived because it's not where my focus would have been back then. Maybe Rocky and Forrest both need to move on and try again when the timing is better." Ethan explained.

I listened to him, knowing what he said applied to him and me as much as it applied to Rocky and Forrest.

"How do you know the timing is right for you now?" I asked him.

He looked over at me briefly before focusing on the road. "Even when we disagree, Megan and I both always put EJ first. When he's with her, I don't worry or second guess what he's doing or who she's around. With that freedom, I had time to figure out what I need and what I want."

"And what do you need and want?" I asked softly.

"Is that 3rd date conversation?" He questioned me.

I shrugged. "Probably not but tell me anyway."

"I want someone loyal and warm. Open to try new things, even when they terrify her-."

 '

"I was not terrified of the guns." I smiled.

"Did I say I was talking about you?" He smirked.

I laughed. "Whatever. What else?"

"Someone always looking for the next laugh and dances even in the middle of a crowded restaurant."

I grinned. "That chick sounds crazy as hell. Are you sure that's what you want?"

He nodded. "Nothing has made me happier."

My heart swelled, and I grabbed his hand and held it the rest of the ride. When we pulled up in front of Rocky's house, I leaned in close to him and gave him a hug. When I pulled back, he kissed me on the forehead. It was chaste, but sweet and I hugged him one last time before I got out. "I call you later tonight?"

"Yes. Let me know how Rocky is doing."

"Ok. Talk to you later." I promised before I left.

I let myself in the house, willing to let myself be a verbal punching bag if that's what Rocky needed. She could take whatever shots: I was going to be by her side regardless. I took a deep breath as I knocked on her bedroom door before letting myself in. My heart broke when I saw her curled up in a ball, crying. I made my way over to her and hugged her immediately.

"Shhhh. It's ok. Everything is going to be ok." I tried to reassure her. She shook her head.

"I rui-ruined everything." She sobbed harder.

"No you didn't."

"Yes I d-did. I ruined it with Bilal, I ruined it with Brandon, now Forr-" she couldn't even finish his name as another round of sobs hit her.

"Bilal is not ruined. He finally grew up. If you weren't a part of his life, he might have dropped out of college and be slumming it at bars." Rocky scoffed through her tears but I continued. "And you gave Brandon a beautiful baby boy. Brandon so proud of his son- even his spit ups are magical to him." She shook her head, wiping her tears a hint of a smile on her face. "And Forrest, he's so in love with you-"

I stopped when that threatened a new batch of tears.

"And I gave him up, just like you said. I broke his heart. He will never forgive me." She breathed shakily.

"Yes he will. And you didn't just give him away. The timing is wrong. That's not your fault. He knows you never wanted to hurt him. He'll understand." I comforted her. I stroked her hair as her tears slowed. "Do you need something to eat? Drink?"

She shook her head. "I just want to take a bath. Every time I try, Ace wakes up and by the time I get him to sleep, I fall asleep too." She sniffled.

"I'm here. Go. Take a bath. I got Ace. In fact, I'm going to have to insist you take two baths." I crinkled my nose at her, jokingly.

"Shut the hell up." Rocky snapped back, with a tried grin.

"Go." I told her with a gentle smile.

Just like she predicted, Ace was up 10 minutes after Rocky disappeared in the bathroom. I quickly got him, changed his wet diaper before walking him in the kitchen for his bottle. He wasn't crying for it yet, but I figured he would want it soon. I heated it up on the bottle warmer as I held him, staring at his features. His skin had darken to a golden brown, not far from his dad's skin tone. I thought he looked like Brandon when he was sleep, but now he was staring up at me with bright, inquisitive eyes just like Rocky's. He was too precious for words; I could see how he would turn anyone's world upside down. Rocky needed time to get right side up. Just like Ethan reminded me, I had to be there for her every step of the way.

Rocky came out the bathroom while I fed Ace, rocking in his nursery chair. I waved her away when she tried to take him.

"Go to sleep or watch bad t.v. I got my godson." I smiled at her.

She listened and left. Ace was sleep in my arms and I was still rocking and holding him when Brandon arrived.

"Hey." I greeted him as he came in

"Rocky hates when I hold him while he sleeps. Says it makes it harder for him to lay down and sleep." Brandon said softly.

"Well, what she don't know won't hurt her."

Brandon grinned but still took him from me. When Ace didn't wake up after Brandon laid hin down, we crept to the living room.

"Is everything ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, she just got her days mixed up. You're off tomorrow right?" I asked.

"Right. Why? Whats up?"

"I'm taking her to brunch tomorrow. You mind keeping Ace for a couple of hours?"

"I would keep him all day if she'd let me." Brandon sighed. 

"I'll work out the details with her. Thank you Brandon."

He bristled. "Don't thank me for taking care of my son."

"No. For being so patient with everything."

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" He said before he left.

I grabbed my phone to give Ethan a call. He didn't answer, but by the time I got the couch made up, he called me back.

"Hey. Sorry I missed your call. Everything ok?" He asked me.

"Everything is good. Or on it's way to good."

"I'm glad to hear that." There was a brief moment of silence before Ethan said, "You need a ride home?"

"No. I'm going to crash here. I just wanted you to know we're ok. And I had a great time today and I hit more bulleyes than you."

"You also shot more rounds than me Lily." He chuckled.

"Don't make excuses. Don't be one of those guys who claim beginners luck when their girlfriend beats them."

"I'm not. I would be proud if my girlfriend beat me. It's a fact you took more shots. Next time, we'll keep it even and keep score."

"Sounds like a plan." I grinned.

"Ok, I gotta get going. Goodnight Bonnie"

I laughed at his reference to my earlier joke. "Night Clyde."

I got on my phone and sent a group text to the girls about having brunch Sunday morning. While I waited for responses, I posted the picture of me holding my zombie target and the tray full of barbecue to my social media. I captioned it: 

All I need in this life of sin #ShootOut #BBQ #YouKnowYou'reInTexasWhen. 

I got comments right away.

Amber: 03 Bonnie and Clyde? Beyonce and Jay Z?

Me: Naw. Me and my Girlfriend @Amber. Tupac. #ThugLife

BIanca: lol thuglife

Cam: Here we go. Who let you shoot a gun?

Me: The constitution @Cameron

Sammy#2ndAmendment

Jordan: What type of gun?

Me: .38 special

Dino: Vintage. Nice. I prefer the glock. Less kickback.

Me: 🔫

Jake: I felt good about you shooting responsibly until you started using the gun emoji...

Me: 🔫 🔫 🔫  I'm making the bang bang sound too lol @Jake

Richard: Which one is all you need? The gun or food?

Me: Do I have to pick? @Richard

Bilal: You said me and my girlfriend. Tupac was talking about his gun.

Me: fine. Food is my side chick

I fell asleep on the couch shortly after posting. I woke up to the sound of Ace crying in the middle of the night, but when I went into the nursery, Rocky was already changing his diaper.

"Hey. I was going to take care of him tonight."

"I got him." Rocky said before picking him up. "Why did Brandon tell me you said I needed him to watch Ace tomorrow?"

"Because you do. We're going to brunch tomorrow. Girls only. Amber, Peyton and Sammy already confirmed they're coming." I told her.

Rocky sighed. "I'm not staying more than an hour and a half. That includes wait time for a table."

"Fine by me. Do you have a taste for anything?"

"Mimosa."

"That's a must." I smiled at her.

The next morning around 9, Brandon came by to watch Ace. I had to push Rocky out the door, but she left him for the first time since he's been born. I assured her Brandon had it under control and had her drive me to my house so I could take care of Justine, change my clothes and drive myself to the restaurant.

We went to Los Lupes and grabbed a table on the patio where the mariachi band was playing music. I made Rocky take a selfie with me as we waited for everyone. As I posted the picture, I saw that Ethan liked the photo I posted of our pure Texan date. I sent him a text.

Me: You have EJ this weekend right? Should we take him to the range? Let him keep score?

Ethan: Weren't you against me having guns in my house because of EJ, now you want to take him to a shoot range?

Me: Yes. Education is the key. Besides, didn't your granddad take you when you were his age?

Ethan: Yes and my mom had a fit. Besides, I learned he has a basketball game on Saturday.

Me: What? He gets to play?!?!?

Ethan: Yes. His coach sent out the starting line up this morning.

Me: OMG I'm there. Let's do dinner afterward!

Ethan: Sure. I'll send you the email

"What are you grinning about?" Rocky asked me.

"EJ gets to play next Saturday at his basketball game. I'm so excited." I answered, taking a sip of my water. Rocky narrowed her eyes at me, but didn't get to interrogate me any further as Staci, Sammy, Amber and Peyton arrived.

They both fawned over Rocky, telling her how good she looked.

"I don't even look in the mirror anymore. Getting my jeans to button over my gut is hard enough." Rocky lamented.

"As someone whose stomach has never been flat, welcome to the club." I joked.

"Is it a fupa club too? Because I need a membership." Staci laughed.

"Fupa?" Peyton inquired.

"Fat upper pubic area." Staci explained. "Something you clearly don't have to worry about." 

"Ohmygosh." Petyon turned red as we laughed.

"You should have saw me last night; shoving it all into these fake leather leggings last night. Fupa, gut, everything. The trick is to lay down and suck it in." Amber giggled.

"I saw your pictures on instagram. You looked great. What did you and Will do?" I asked.

"We went out to dinner. Rebbecca picked out this little vegan place which was great for my diet as I didn't eat anything. I'm about to blow it on this buffet though." Amber stated.

"Who's Rebbecca?" Staci asked her, sipping on a mimosa.

"This girl Will went to school with. He's trying to set her up with Ethan." Amber replied.

I froze. "So it was like a double date?" I questioned.

"Yeah, I don't see it working out. She's way too earthy for Ethan. Vegan, yoga instructor, fosters animals and all that."

That did nothing to calm my nerves.

"Yoga instructor? Meaning she's flexible. I'm sure he'll find a way to work it out." Sammy voiced my thoughts as they laughed. 

"How are you letting your man be friends with a yoga instructor?" Staci asked her.

"Cause he knows I'll leave him after I shoot off his dick if he cheats on me again." Amber threatened. "Now he just hooks all his hot female friends up with Ethan and lives vicariously through him."

They all laughed and I forced a smile because Rocky was watching me. We then got up and headed to the buffet. I filled my plate with food, but I didn't even remember what all I got. I just keep thinking about how Ethan said he knew what he wanted and basically described me. Then I recalled how he said he was trying new things: did that mean new women too? I knew I was the one who made it clear I didn't want a commitment, but it still stung that he was seeing other women. It more than stung- it was like a shot in the chest.

"You okay Lily?" Rocky asked me as I stared at my food.

"Yep. Just trying to figure out what I should eat first." I forced another smile before digging in.