I Can't Explain

"Dizzy in the head and I'm feeling bad
The things you've said have got me real mad
I'm gettin' funny dreams again and again
I know what it means but
Can't explain
I think it's love
Try to say it to you
When I feel blue
But I can't explain (Can't explain)
Forgive me one more time, now (Can't explain)
I said I can't explain, yeah
You drive me out of my mind
Yeah, I'm the worrying kind, babe
I said I can't explain" I Can't Explain by The Who

I told Trevor Rocky canceled her appointment and was in Houston with her mom. We both speculated if Rocky told her, and what Mama Smith's reaction was. She definitely wasn't a Brandon fan, and that was before the asshole transformation.. I didn't know how she would advise Rocky. Trevor and I both hoped Rocky did what was right for her not based on anyone else.

Thursday, I went into work, even though I had the day off. I was tempted to stay home, just to prove a point to Adil, but I couldn't. It was well within my rights: all my benefits kicked in after my probation. The problem was all requests for time off had to put in at least 2 weeks in advance, with the exception of illness or an emergency.

I realized I probably would have been better calling off the day of; I would have missed Adil making me feel bad for requesting the day off with such short notice.  Normally, I would hide my bad feelings with a "fuck it" disguise, but I tried to be mature about it and face those feelings head-on. I appeased my guilt by taking myself to work.

Adil was surprised to see me, but I told him I was able to work everything around my schedule. When Dr. Clayton saw me, he frowned up and tried to send me home.

"Take care of your family." He urged me.

"They're taken care of. I wouldn't be here if they weren't. Besides, I'm not trying to leave y'all in a bind." I replied.

"We would have made due."

"Well, now you don't have to." I ended the conversation with a little smile.

On Friday, we were able to see the last house in Plano. It was in a residential area of Plano, with the elementary and middle school in walking distance. There was also a park and jogging trails near by. The house was one story, 3 bedroom 2 baths. There were 2 living areas, the the front one had a huge fireplace while the second featured a wet bar. The kitchen was smaller in comparison to the houses we viewed, but still a good size with an island in the middle. I was surprised by the smaller closets in the bedrooms. The one in the master bedroom was the same size at our closet at our apartment.

This was the only house we viewed with a pool; It was a decent size, 5ft deep, and kidney shaped. There was also a tiny patio and an area of grass with a small tree in the backyard. On the way out, Chad asked us if he should keep looking for listings. Trevor and I both told him no. We both agreed we could make a choice out of the ones we viewed.

I came home that evening armed with decision making tools- pizza, (because you can't think on an empty stomach) alcohol, (to encourage honesty) and cupcakes (for bribes or smoothing over hurt feelings). Trevor played on his computer as I took a shower and changed into boxer shorts and a tank top. After making us mixed drinks, we sat on the couch and tackled our food and decision.

Every single one had things that we liked and didn't liked. We went over that before we both revealed which one we were leaning towards. My top choice was the older 5 bedroom house we looked at second. Trevor favored the first house we looked at in the newer West Plano.

"The 2nd house was less expensive with more space." I pointed out.

"Yeah, because it requires more maintenance." Trevor said. I couldn't argue with that.

"The backyard was tiny at the first house." I countered.

"There's a community park."

"And a HOA" I added.

"I kinda like that too."

I looked at him, incredulously.

"We can sit in on meeting; I reached out to the president. Why don't we do that before you rule it out?" Trevor suggested.

"If we can go over what work would need to be done on the second house, I'll do that." I negotiated.

"Deal." Trevor agreed. We clinked out glasses and smiled at each other.

"That was easy." I beamed.

"Were you expecting war?" Trevor taunted me.

I chuckled but didn't answer.



The next morning, I woke up to Trevor's phone ringing. I ignored and and tried to go back to sleep until it rang again. I sighed and reached over to grab it. It was his uncle Jimmy. I nudged Trevor.

"Baby, your phone." I told him.

"Ignore it."

"It's the second time your uncle called. It might be important."

"You can answer it."

I picked up. "Hello?"

"G'morning Lily. Where's my knucklehead  nephew?" Uncle Jimmy said in his rough, deep baritone. I chuckled.

"Pretending like he's sleep."

Trevor peaked one eye open before closing it and pretending to snore.

"Put me on speaker, will ya?"

I did as he requested and put the phone up to Trevor's ear.

"He can hear you Jimmy." I said.

"You said you were gonna call me back yesterday. I'm busy enough without having to hunt you down. We talked about your responsibilities and what being a man means. You need to take care-"

"Alright." Trevor said quickly, sitting up and grabbing the phone from me. He took it off speaker and held it to his ear. I couldn't help by smile watching how fast he got up. His uncle's bellowing should be Trevor's alarm ringtone. He would get up on time everyday!

I giggled to myself as I went to the bathroom. Afterwards, I went in the kitchen, made coffee, fed Justine and gave her water.

As I prepared two mugs, I eyed the cupcakes left over from the night before. I carried them along with the coffee to bed. Trevor was off the phone, rubbing his face as he leaned against the headboard.

"What's up?" I asked, handing him his coffee before sitting the cupcakes between us on the bed.

"Cupcakes for breakfast?" He asked, raising a eyebrow.

"Yeah, they're in the muffin family. There like muffins' cuter sister."

Trevor laughed and grabbed one.

"What was your uncle talking about?" I asked sitting on the bed with him.

"I gotta go back to the Country today and take care of a few things." Trevor answered.

"Like what?" I asked, biting my cupcake.

"I have to sign some paperwork to transfer the funds from my account. Verify who I am, stuff like that." He shrugged.

"You can do that on the weekend?"

He sighed. "The Tobins' were the founding family. My Granny's side built the church. I can get whatever I want done as long as it's not Sunday."

I laughed at him. "Wow... ok Mr. Tobin. Do you want me to come with yo-"

"No." He answered before I could even finish. "I mean, it's not going to take long. I'm driving back as soon as I'm done."

"Alright." I said, finishing my food.

He got dressed and I played on my phone. I texted Rocky to see how she was doing. I reached out to Sammy to see if she had plans for the day.

After Trevor left, I took Justine for a walk before going to the gym. Rocky got back to me, telling me she was ok. I wanted to ask what was going on, but I decided to wait til she got back. No response from Sammy, but I wasn't surprised because she was not a morning person.

I got a call from Forrest on my way home, asking if I wanted to go to the furniture store with him. He wanted a woman's opinion and I quickly agreed. I went home, showered, threw on some comfortable clothes and put my hair up in a ponytail. I was scrolling through my Facebook when Forrest showed up to pick me up.

We drove to the relatively new furniture store Nebraska. It was as big as a mini-strip mall. I understood how anyone shopping would get intimated shopping alone. It was exciting for me though. Maybe because I didn't have to make any decisions and could just window shop. I helped Forrest pick out a new living room and bedroom set, but I also fantasized about what I wanted in Trevor and my house: whichever one we choose. I sent him a ton of pictures of things we could use in the house I liked.

"You and Trevor narrowed it down to two?" Forrest asked when we took a break at the Subway in the store to narrow down his options.

"Yeah. It was kinda easy. I don't know how we decided from here."

"Are you thinking Win-Win?"

"Shut up. It's hard to compromise when we feel completely opposite about a couple things."

"What things?"

"He's ok with a HOA, I'm not. I want the house that needs a little work and he doesn't want that."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Have you discussed why y'all have those preferences?"

"Not really."

"Maybe you should do that. You might find a compromise."

"I love how you always have relationship advice for me. I'm gonna focus on getting you into a relationship. Then she can go furniture shopping with you." I quipped.

He chuckled. "I have a date tonight. Why do you think I'm trying to get ready for my new place?"

"With who?"

"That DJ I meet at the bar. Rosalyn."

"What? I thought it was a professional contact?"

"It was, but she came on to me." Forrest smiled.

"You're so full of shit." I laughed. "What are y'all doing?"

"We're gonna go see Straight Outta Compton."

"Cool. Let me know what you think."

Sammy called me while we were eating. I told her I was going to check out Dominick's fight. She offered to join me after she got done working. After Forrest made his purchases and set up delivery, he dropped me home. I changed into charcoal skinny jeans, a striped blue and gray swing top that matched perfectly with my new Sketchers. I was finishing my make-up when Sammy texted and let me know she was on the way. I had just enough time to put my hair in a messy side braid.

"Why did you dress like you're about to go fight? Go put on some heels." Sammy said as I got in her car.

"Fuck no. It's a gym. You look like you're a prize girl." I said, closing the door.

"Thanks bitch. That's what I was going for." Sammy smirked. She looked great in black leather shorts and an orange sheer tiered ruffle crop top. Her hair was bone straight and oversized sunglasses and cheetah print heels completed her outfit.

We caught up on our way to the gym. When we arrived there, a lot of the women were dressed like Sammy, but I was comfortable in my jeans and tank. We found seats and sat down to watch the matches.

"Why are you testing my relationship?" Sammy asked, as she eyed a very muscular guy making his way towards the ring. His whole body portrayed confidence and strength. It was extremely sexy.

I smiled. "Nothing wrong with looking. I like what I see."

Sammy was turned off the moment one of the guy started bleeding. While I wasn't turned on, I definitely appreciated the sport more. While we waited, Trevor texted that he was 30 minutes outside of Dallas. I called him and told him where we were. He told me to give him a call when we were done so we can go out together.

The fights were behind so Dominick's match started late. Dominick was incredible. The guy he fought was at least 4 inches taller, maybe 20 pounds heavier. Dominick wore him down enough to get him in some type of weird hold that had his opponent tapping out. I cheered for him when the match ended.

"Can we go now?" Sammy asked. "Corey's already with Trevor at the bar."

"Yeah. Let me congratulate Dominick before we go." I said, standing.

Dominick headed back to what I assumed were the locker rooms. I wanted to wait by the entrance so I wouldn't miss him. Someone called my name, and I saw Richard, Dominick's roommate, waving me over. He was standing with a group of people. Diego Jr., Dino and Jake were included in that group. I looked at Sammy before I made my way over.

"Hey. This is my friend Sammy." I introduced her to Richard and Diego Jr. I said hello to everyone else.

"I didn't know you were coming." Richard said.

"It was last minute." I replied.

"Make sure I give you my number so you can call next time." Richard offered.

"This is my last match. Too gory for me." Sammy said, deflecting Richard's request for me.

"Was this your first match?" Dino asked us.

Sammy and I both nodded. "I grew up watching fake wrestling with my brother and he convinced me it was real. This wasn't that bad compared to that." I added.

There was an awkward silence; I pulled  Sammy to an opposite wall so we could wait.

"Do you think it's weird Jake doesn't speak to me anymore?" I asked, as I quickly looked him over. Besides a polite hello, he didn't speak to me at all.

"No. His girlfriend is right there."

"So? What's changed? We're not friends anymore?" I frowned.

"You never were. He doesn't want to sleep with you anymore. He has no reason to pretend. That's what changed."

I looked at her shocked. I didn't get to question it because Dino came over.

"I love your shoes. Are they Louboutin?" Dino asked Sammy.

"They are. Thank you for noticing. Lily never notices the obvious." Sammy smirked.

"I notice everything. I just don't believe it." I quipped back.

Dino furrowed her eyes. "Believe what?"

"Why she doesn't let me paint the bottom of some heels from shoemart red to save her some money."

"You're dumb as hell. I'm gonna stop fucking with you off-brand queen." Sammy said, rolling her eyes.

"Whatever. I'll be off-brand queen of my castle while you be name brand pauper in your apartment."

Dino laughed. "I see both your points. They're cute shoes, if you can afford it."

"Thank you." Sammy and I said at the same time.

Dominick made his way out and his family greeted him right away. Richard joined me and Sammy on the side.

"I bet I can guess your favorite wrestler. The Rock. People say I look like him." Richard smiled at me.

Hmm, maybe his baby brother. 

I shook my head. "I don't see it and he was not my favorite."

"Who was?"

"The Undertaker. His finishing move was to send people to hell through the ring. I loved that." I smiled.

"You're crazy." Sammy commented with a little laugh.

"I think that's sexy." Richard responded, trying to put his arm around me.

Thankfully, Dominick approached and I sidestepped Richard to give him a hug.

"Congratulations. That was incredible." I praised him.

"Yeah? Wanna be my workout buddy now?" Dominick grinned.

"No. I don't even wanna spar with you anymore!" I laughed.

He invited Sammy and me out to celebrate with them, but we declined and headed to the bar. We met up with Trevor and Corey at a pool hall near Corey's apartment. Trevor and Corey were drinking and playing when we found them.

"Lilypad, you're designated driver." He said, handing me his keys.

"Ok... I don't even need to drink, I'm just wanna eat." I said.

"Of course you do." He teased me.

"Shut up T-Rev."

Sammy and I got a table close to them, ordered food and drinks and watched them play. When the food arrived, Corey and Trevor retired from playing pool and joined us to eat.

We ate and joked and had a great time. We tried to plan for Labor day, but that's when I learned Christian and Black Reign was holding their single release party over Labor day weekend. Sammy would be in Austin. Corey wasn't sure if he could get off work. Trevor wanted to go but I didn't want to at all.

"Why would I go to a party that not only  Christian is going to, but is throwing?" I asked. "Why would you wanna go?"

"It's a three day weekend. It's Ian's and Johnny's band, not Christian's. Majority of my friends are in Austin. Why wouldn't I want to go?" He listed, animatedly. I wondered how much he drank before I got there.

"Because I threatened Christian. I can't be around him after that. I'm not gonna make a liar out of myself." I explained.

"What? What do you say?" Corey asked, grinning.

"I don't remember." I answered, truthfully. "I know I said I didn't want to hear from him again."

"It was so funny. She went all gangster on him and called him a bitch and said she was gonna cut him." Trevor laughed, hysterically. I couldn't help laughing too.

"It's not that funny." Sammy laughed at him.

"It was. You know how she gets. Y'all both get like that." Trevor exclaimed, turning to Corey. "You should have heard the fights they had."

"I can imagine. I need to get a taser to calm this one down. She always trying to fight someone." He nudged Sammy.

"Whatever. A taser won't stop me." Sammy bragged.

"Tranquilizer gun, whichever." Corey amended.

That caused Trevor and me both to crack up laughing.

"Did you tell Trevor what you did today? What you were looking at?" Sammy asked, with a devious grin. I knew she was referring to the MMA fighters.

"Oh, shopping with Forrest? Yeah. What about it?" Trevor asked.

"Why'd you say Forrest like that?" I asked.

"No reason."

"Good, because you know he's just a friend." I emphasized.

"Yeah? Like we were?" He smiled at me.

"No. Forrest and me are strictly platonic. I've never had feelings for him."

"Seems like you thought about it..." Trevor said with a small chuckle.

"I haven't!"

"I believe you. Calm down. It's ok."

"I know it's ok! He gives me advice all the time about us." I said.

"Us who? Me and you? Or you and him?" Trevor said, jokingly.

I didn't find it funny.

"Me and you. We talked about how we can compromise on the house today."

"I didn't think we had a problem with that. Does he need to come and be a mediator?"

"We don't need a mediator. We need to discuss why we have certain preferences about the houses."

"Ok, why are you so against a HOA?" Trevor questioned me.

"Maybe y'all should do this another time." Sammy said, putting down her drink.

"No, we're just talking." I said to Sammy before turning to Trevor. "That's not a preference, but I don't want someone telling me what to do in my home."

"Even if it's things you're already going to do?"

"Yep."

"That makes sense." He said, sarcastically.

"You know what doesn't makes sense? Why does everything have to be family ready? It's just me and you. We can handle renovations." I argued.

"Why renovate when we don't have to?"

"It's a smarter and less expensive investment. Does that matter to you?"

"Nope. I'm not planing to resell." Trevor said, stubbornly.

"You know monthly dues can increase with HOAs. Is that important to you?"

"Not as important as living in a community. You keep talking about what it takes. It gives our kids an opportunity to grow up with other kids; they'll go to the park and the pool with kids at their school. I'd rather pay for that than fixing up a house. It's a waste of time. "

"That's important why? You act like we're getting married tomorrow. Kids aren't happening until we're married. We're not even engaged. What's the rush? Why is it a waste of time?"

"It's important because I want us to know our neighbors. I want them to know us as Trevor and Lily only. I want our kids to make friends before they notice skin colors and race. I get that you want to wait until we're married to have kids, but I have to wait to propose to you next year-" he said, growing more frustrated.

"Trevor, stop-" Corey started.

Maybe it was the alcohol, but he wasn't making making any sense. I knew I should have stopped but I kept interrogating instead."What do you mean you have to wait to propose? That's your decision. You know I'll say yes."

"Your dad won't give me his blessing until we date a year." Trevor huffed.

My mouth dropped open. "We don't need his permission-"

"Jesus fucking Christ Lily! I said his blessing, not permission. I know how much you hate being told what to do, but I'm willing to wait and play by his rules so he'll accept it. What I don't want to wait on is getting married and having kids so you can fix up a house. I don't wanna play whatever power trip game you have going on because you don't want me to put more money into our house than you!" Trevor got up from the table and headed straight to the bar.

I sat there, my mind reeling trying to make sense of everything he said.

What the fuck just happened?









***Sorry for the delay. I was working on a Rocky POV, but I need a couple of things to happen first so I scrapped it. Have a great weekend.