Lava

"Oh they were so happy to finally meet above the sea
All together now their lava grew and grew
No longer are they all alone with aloha as their new home
And when you visit them this is what they sing
I have a dream I hope will come true
That you'll grow old with me and I'll grow old with you
We thank the earth, sea, the sky we thank too
I lava you" Lava by Kuana Torres Kahele and Napua Greig

We return back to our apartment and our lives Monday. I say our lives because it was finally normal between me and Trevor. My insecurities didn't disappear overnight, but it made a complete difference knowing they were all in my head. I decided to focus on what was real: me and Trevor's love for one another. I knew as long as we had that, we could work through anything.

Trevor stuck to his promises of helping out around the apartment more and told me not to worry about cooking on Monday. I went to a boxing class since I didn't have to cook or go shopping.

On my lunch break at work, I saw that Forrest texted me.

Forrest: Did you talk to Trevor?

Me: I did. Thanks to you. There's an old expression that we lived by in Cali- snitches get stitches.

Forrest: Lol
There's an old expression every mature adult in the world lives by: Act your age not your shoe size.

Me: Fine :-P
We worked it out.

Forrest:That's what I like to hear

Me: yep, now I can focus on finding you a girlfriend. You need some business so you can stay out of mine.

Forrest: Another expression that popular in Cali- Bye Felicia!

Me: Lmao. Ur stupid.

After work, I came home to penne pasta with ham, peas and carrots. It looked and smelled so good, I question whether he made it.

"There's a sink full of dirty dishes if you don't believe me." Trevor defended himself.

One look in the kitchen confirmed his words. We sat down and ate together. The food was as good as it looked. I eyed him, suspiciously.

"Something else my uncle passed on to me." He gave as an explanation. "He's never been married so he learned to cook for himself." He added, giving me a wink.

"This is delicious. I think your Alfredo sauce is better than mine. Congratulations Chef Boyardee." I complimented him.

"Ha. You can official stop calling me that." He smiled.

"I didn't start calling you that."I returned his smile, sadly.

"What's the matter?" Trevor asked.

He stuck to his promise, so I had to stick to mine about opening up to him more, even if I felt stupid about it. "I miss Rocky. I miss her guidance sometimes. I know it probably sounds crazy, but even when she broke me down, it was so I could rebuild myself stronger. She gave me confidence and strength when I was so insecure."

"You shouldn't feel insecure about anything, but I know for a fact Rocky misses you too. You should reach out to her." Trevor told me as I gathered our plates.

"You've talk to her?"

"Yes."

"About me?"

"Sometimes. Last time I talked to her was to get her advice about the loan. Every time I talk to her, she ask how you're doing."

"Last time we saw each other, she barely spoke to me." I complained, putting away the dishes in the dish washer.

"She's keeping her distance. You didn't want to be friends, remember?" Trevor reminded me.

"Yeah, only because she stopped being friends with me first. It felt like she picked Brandon over me. Like, she tried so hard to keep them together and lashed out and dropped me." I said, as I finished with the dishes. It was much faster because Trevor empty the dishwasher for me.

Trevor gave me a odd look. "She did and said a lot of messed up things but she was in a bad situation."

"Judging by last week, she's still in a bad situation." I said, recalling Brandon and that random at the bar. "C'mon, I don't wanna talk about Rocky anymore. Let's take Justine for a walk."

As we walked, we changed the subject to a much more pleasant topic: Our house search.

"I talked to Chad. We're all set to look at the house tomorrow at 11am." He informed me.

"Yeah? On your lunch break? Do you think that'll give us enough time?" I pondered.

"Its gonna to have to. Besides, I don't think it's going to take that long."

"Why?" I asked him, surprised.

"It's small. Really too small if you ask me, but we'll see how it goes."

"It's a good starter home and we can always sell if we need a bigger house." I argued.

"Why not just buy the house we want now? Skip the whole reselling idea? That doesn't make sense to me."

"Our dream house might not be in our budget right now. All our savings can't just go to a down payment for a bigger house. We have to remember the other expenses." I reminded him.

"I need to talk to you about that." Trevor started.

"What?"

"Before my dad passed away, he named me the beneficiary of a Roth IRA he set up."

"Ok... I have no idea what that is."

"It's basically a retirement plan."

"Wouldn't that go to your mom?" I said, confused.

"Normally, but he didn't set it up that way. He wanted me to be the beneficiary. I never touched the money. It's been sitting in a saving account sense I was 14." Trevor enlightened me.

"Why?" I asked, curiously.

"I didn't want it. I felt- guilty."

"How come? Because he didn't leave it to your mom? Maybe he knew something you don't-"

"No. When he died, my first thought was "finally"." Trevor said, sombrely. "I didn't want the money. It was bad enough I was relieved he died. I didn't want to... profit off his death too." He finished.

My heart went out to him. "Trevor, you were young. Too young to understand everything. Of course you be relieved he wasn't around to hurt you anymore. Or to be in pain anymore."

He thought about it and I continued.

"You have to forgive him. He's resting in peace, knowing that in his own little way, he took care of you by leaving you that money. The only person you're hurting is yourself holding on to guilt." I assured him.

"Being the husband and father he never was- that's what I want to use the money for. I don't feel guilty about that. Let's buy our dream house."

"We can discuss it, but if you plan on paying more, it's even more reason for us to have an agreement of what happens if we break up." I told him, not wanting to bring it up, but I had to if he wanted to look at more expensive houses.

"I know. Chad is already working on it. If we break up, I don't want the house."

"Trevor-"

"Let me finish. You can buy me out or we can sell the house back." He added.

I nodded. "Do you still think of it as a back up plan?"

"No, it's what you need to feel safe and that's fine with me." Trevor said. "Rocky explained it to me."

"She did?"

"Yeah. She knows how much you would try to psyche yourself out of it if you didn't have a safety net."

I smiled. "Whatever. I wasn't thinking about it until she brought it up."

"And it freaked you out just thinking about it."

"Shut up Trevor." We laughed as we jogged back home.



On Tuesday, we met up and looked at the house. The backyard was huge, but Trevor was right, the house itself was too small. The 2 bedrooms were right across from each other and the kitchen was entirely closed off. Even with the finished basement, I couldn't see raising a family in the house.

"What was your biggest concern with this house?" Chad asked us, when we both expressed disinterest. "The kitchen was recently remodeled, the basement was finished. It's move in ready."

"Size." Trevor answered, while I nodded. "I don't mind having to fix things up-"

I started to fake cough and clear my throat. Trevor was not a do-it-yourselfer- unless it was something dealing with electronics and codes-not hammer and nails.

Trevor flashed me a smile. "Or getting someone else to fix things. As nice as this house is, we can't add more space."

"For where we want to stay at price wise, I can get you in a bigger house. It's just going to be further out. Lily, I know location was one of your biggest concerns."

I nodded. I didn't care how big the house was if I spent majority of my time commuting to work. Dallas traffic was no joke.

"What if we were able to put down more on the down payment?" Trevor asked.

Chad smiled. "Why don't we run some more numbers? Tell me what you want to put down, and we'll see what we can do."

My mouth dropped when I heard the amount he was willing to put down. What the fuck? We split the bills equally right now, but our money was still separate. He didn't know how much I had saved, just how much I was willing to spend on the down payment.

He wouldn't spend all his savings on the down payment right? How much did he have in his saving account? Was it ok to ask that? I figured we would join accounts when we got married; now that were buying a house, did we discuss that too? He said a house, marriage and kids go together for him. Is that where we were headed? I mean, of course we were headed there, but was that now??? He talked about raising a family, how soon did he want that?!? Pretty damn soon if he was putting that amount of money down for our house!!!

I closed my mouth, and reminded myself to breath. I needed to relax. A future with him shouldn't freak me out. Even if the future was today!

Chad wished us a good afternoon and he left.

"You're freaking out, aren't you?" Trevor grinned at me.

"No...Yes... a little." I admitted.

"Don't. I mean, try not to. Our house is an investment, right?" He said, calmly.

I nodded. "And if it doesn't work out, we can always sell."

"Yes, but let's focus on making it work out." Trevor said, kissing my forehead. I held him to me and kissed him on the lips.

"Of course." I said, finally relaxing. "I love you."

"I love you too. See you later."



The remaining of the week, Chad sent us listing of houses at a higher price range. They were all great in their own ways and Trevor and I had trouble narrowing them down together. We focused on location first and picked our favorites from Plano. Chad set us up appointments to look at houses next week.

We would have started over the weekend, but Amber asked if we wouldn't mind babysitting her kids while Will went back to school shopping. I couldn't imagine doing all that shopping, for 3 kids, with 3 kids tagging along, so I quickly agreed. Trevor started planning activities for us with them.

"As a thank you, I would love it if you and Trevor came over for dinner Sunday. The girls have been dying to show off their new culinary skills. I figured we could make it Sunday Funday and invite everyone." Amber suggested.

"That sounds fun Amber. I'm so there. Can you do me a favor though?" I asked.

"Anything."

"Invite Rocky?" I said.

The bitch squealed in my ear. "About damn time. Y'all need to squash the nonsense."

"Hey, don't get to excited. I didn't have a come to Jesus moment, but it would be cool to hang out. See what vibes she's giving out."

"Sure Lily. Can I tell her you want to see her?"

"Please do." I said, with a smile.



Saturday, Will dropped off the kids and left their car seats. I informed him we were going to see a movie (hopefully Pixels!) and have dinner. Will thanked us and told us if there were any problems, to call him. Trevor offered to keep them overnight so Will could get a break while Amber went to work. He agreed, no questions asked. I was shocked he didn't lecture on childcare or flat out say no, but I didn't look a gift horse in the mouth. We waved bye and got the kids ready to go!

The kids decided on Inside Out, and by kids, I meant Krista. She had that same "my way or the highway" attitude like her dad. I hoped she grew out of it. We had a few hours to kill, and since we decided to go to the cinema grill so we could do a movie and dinner at the same time, Trevor took us to Going Bonkers first.

It was in indoor play center for kids that included a big maze with zip lines, bouncing, slides and climbing. I hated places like this growing up. I had a fear of hurting and embarrassing myself by being too heavy and falling off or breaking the equipment. I knew how silly that was now, but I had no problem hanging with little Robbie at the toddler section...

...Until he saw his big sisters coming down the slide. He wanted to go too. As much as I wanted to tell Trevor to take him, I didn't want to put all three kids on him. Besides, he urged me to go too. So we all went up together and slid down. I wasn't missing much, especially when excited kids crawled past me and Robbie, but I was happy we got to experience it together. We had a great time.

Trevor got us all slushies for the ride to the movie theater. When we got there, we secured our tickets and seats and looked through the menu. We sat Robbie, me, April, Trevor, Krista so each kid was sitting next to one of us. I let Robbie push the button so the waitress could take our order. Trevor let the kids order for themselves. Even Krista, who wanted queso, an appetizer, versus a kid's meal. I ordered next, and Trevor ordered last.

When the waitress brought back our drinks, the kids all remembered to say thank you.

"Your kids are so well behaved. You have a beautiful family." She complimented us.

"Thank you." I said, with a smile. Trevor grinned at me. I shouldn't be taking credit and I didn't correct her about them not being our kids. It was too fun pretending!

We sipped our drinks and watched the trailers. When the Charlie Brown movie trailer came on, I snuck a glance at Trevor. I knew that was something he and his mom shared. He was talking to Robbie in a hush tone about Snoopy. I smiled and turned back to the screen.

Our food was delivered the same time a short film began before Inside Out. It was about a volcano, who was all alone in the middle of the ocean. He was singing about how he wished he had someone to "lava".

As I watched the love story between the two volcanoes, tears sprang to my eyes. By the end, I was crying. Not loud, sobbing tears, but tears were streaming down my face.

"Lily-" Trevor whispered.

"Yeah?" I turned to him, wiping my eyes so I could see him holding out a slice of pizza to me.

"Are you crying? What's wrong?" He asked, worried.

I shook my head. "Nothing." When he gave me a skeptically look, I corrected myself. "I'll tell you later."

"Shhh, the movie's starting." Robbie hushed us.

I rubbed his curls and gave Trevor a smile before turning to the screen.

The kids loved the movie. It was pretty cute. I was still trying to figure out why the short video about the volcanoes made me an emotional mess.

The kids feel asleep in the car. After carrying them upstairs, we got them tucked into our bed. Trevor and I got comfortable on the airbed in the living room.

"Why were you crying?" Trevor asked me.

"The short film. It was so sweet." I answered.

"About the volcanoes?" Trevor asked, looking at me like I sprouted another head.

"Yes. He was all alone and he dreamed about finding love and he did." I said, tears forming just thinking about it.

"Ok, Ok. Stop thinking about it. I don't want you to cry anymore." He said, looking me over, carefully

I smiled. "I'm not crazy. I guess it just made me think of you. You know how you said when you look at me, you see our future?" When he nodded, I continued. "When I look at you, I see the things I thought I would never have. Someone who loves regardless of my flaws..." the tears came down freely now. "God, I hate that I'm such a crybaby."

"I know. You're a potty mouth crybaby. How does that happen?" He teased, holding me.

"Shut up." I sniffled. "I just- I see it now Trevor. I see you and our kids and our house and it's not just a far fetched dream anymore. It's happening. And I'm so thankful for you. More than you'd ever know."

"I know Lily. I feel the same way about you. Even when you drive me crazy, I lava you." He smiled.

I laughed through my tears and wiped my face. "I lava you too."


We held each other throughout the night. I woke up before everyone else and made breakfast. Amber called when she got off work and told me she was on her way to pick up the kids. I told her to go home and get some sleep and we'll be there at noon to help out.

The kids and Trevor got up, we ate breakfast, and played XBox Kinect til it was time to go over to Amber's.

She was already in the kitchen when we arrived, getting everything set up. Trevor needed something for his laptop, so he, Will and Robbie went to the Best Buy Will worked out while me and the girls cooked.

"If you want to bring something, bring more wine." Amber said over the phone. I had no idea who she was talking to.

"You know how Will is about alcohol. Although I have no idea what he did last night." She continued.

"Girl, you know we have separate accounts. He can't look at my transactions neither." Amber laughed. "I'll see you later!"

"Who was that?" I asked.

"Sammy, she's on her way. Corey's coming after he gets off work. Serena and Ethan should be over soon. Dino picked up more hours, she won't be able to make it. Gigi's a maybe." Amber listed.

"Rocky?" I asked, hopefully.

"Told me she was coming on Wednesday." Amber smiled widely.

I couldn't help smiling back.

The guest arrived one by one. I was so excited to see EJ when Ethan and Serena showed up.

"Knock knock?" EJ asked me, when I gave him a hug.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"What." EJ said, grinning.

"What who?" I replied, trying to think of the punchline. I blanked.

"What are those!?!" He exclaimed, pointing at my red Keds. I paired them with a khaki mini skirt and white tank. Trevor had been sending me appreciative glances all day, now he, Sammy, Amber and EJ  burst out laughing as EJ imitated that stupid Vine trend.

"These are Keds. Taylor Swift wears them!" I exclaimed.

Sammy laughed harder, holding her stomach she was laughing so hard. "No, she endorses them. She gets paid to wear them. Big difference!"

"Ethan! Are you going to let your son shoe shame me?" I asked, pretending like I was hurt.

"I don't even know what that meant." Ethan said with a little smile.

"It's a Vine thing." Serena explained.

"Should I know what Vine is?" Ethan shrugged.

"How does EJ know?" Will asked.

"Me and my friends watch them on my tablet." EJ informed us.

"Here's a video." Trevor announced, pulling up his laptop.

"Really Trevor?"

After he played the video, everyone was laughing. "Oh, it's funny that I was bullied?" I said, getting loud.

"Say sorry EJ." Ethan ordered him, with a smirk.

"Sorry Lily." He grinned.

"Not good enough..." I warned him.

"You should take his Jordans." Amber told me.

"No!" EJ shouted, taking off running. I chased him around the house. While we were playing, the doorbell rang.

"I got it!" I announced, rushing to the door. It had to be Rocky.

It was. She gave me a nervous smile. I was too busy staring at the smug face of Brandon behind her to acknowledge it.