Knock on Wood (Rocky's POV)

"I don't want to lose you, this good thing
that I got 'cause if I do
I will surely,
surely lose a lot.
'Cause your love is better
than any love I know.
It's like thunder, lightning,
the way you love me is frightening.
I'd better knock, on wood, baby.
Ain't no secret, that woman
She fills my lovin' cup
She see's to it, that I get enough
Just one touch from her
You know it means so much
It's like thunder, lightning,
the way you love me is frightening.
I'd better knock (knock knock) on wood baby." Knock on Wood be Eddie Floyd


Rocky's Point of View


***FLASHBACK***

“You need to leave.” I said, making sure my voice was laced with venom. My original reaction was disbelief when I saw him standing outside my house. My heart started beating rapidly as I debated what I should do. I thought about the audacity of him to just show up at my house, unannounced, and became livid. I prepared to let him have it as I answered the door.

“I need to talk to you Rocky.” Bilal said.

"So you come by my house without asking or calling?" I snapped.

"I've been calling all week. You didn't want to hear me out." He said, firmly.

He had a point. I stopped any conversation about what happened between us. When Lily told him I wanted to be with him after college, he wanted to talk about it. It didn't matter to me. I wasn't interested in rehashing it.

“I've been busy.”

"You don't look busy now."

“I am. Brandon and I are busy.” I lied.

He pursed his lips as to say, “Nice try." “Funny, I just called Target and spoke to him.”

I went to slam the door in his face, but he put his foot in the way, jamming it.

“Move it before I break it.” I warned him.

“Break it. I don’t need my foot to talk.” He said stubbornly. He had a fixed look on his face. I knew he wasn’t going to let whatever he had to say go.

"Why would you call Brandon? What the hell is wrong with you?" I said, frustrated and becoming increasingly agitated with him.

“Calm down Rocky. He thought I was a customer with a complaint that meant to call Wal-Mart.” Bilal smiled.

“It’s not funny.”

“You didn't hear it. I did an accent and everything." He said, in a pronounced accent.

“Still not funny. It’s his job.” I retorted, stopping the smirk that wanted to form on my face.

“A little funny?" Bilal questioned.

“No.” I lied.

"I know he's not here. I just want to talk to you. 10 minutes, then I'll go." Bilal promised.

“No. The fact that you don’t want Brandon here lets me know I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.” I shot him down.

“Fine. We can wait until Brandon gets here. I don’t care.” He said, posting up outside my door.

I rolled my eyes, looking at the top of the door. Jackie invited me out, and I turned her down. Since Brandon had to work, I was looking forward to a quiet night at home. I should have knocked on wood.

"5 minutes." I said, opening the door.

He made a step forward to come inside, and I blocked him, holding a hand to his chest. I pushed him back, ignoring the heat that radiated from his chest to my hand.

"No, you can't come in." I said, stepping outside. I closed the door and turned to him.

"You wanna go sit in my car like old times?" Bilal asked, with a dark gleam in his eyes.

I knew what old times he was talking about, and I didn't want to rehash that either.

I crossed my arms. "If you wanna waste your time with nonsense-"

"I don't. I'm sorry." He said, quickly.

"You are. Now what do you want?" I commented back smartly.

He huffed in frustration. “I wanna talk about us."

"There is no us. We broke up: meaning, I don’t want to talk to you nor do I want to be friends. "I emphasized while my pulse increased. He had no right to bring all this up. When we broke up, he couldn't care less. I was completely over it now. He needed to do the same.

"I know that. There would be if you would have told me how you felt back then." Bilal accused.

"What makes you think that?" I flared up at him, before I caught myself. "You know what, don't answer that. Just say what you need to say so you can leave."

"I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life." He explained.

 I laughed, humorlessly. "Tell me something I don't know. Every time I brought up the future, you brushed me aside."

"That's because I didn't have everything mapped out like you. The only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted you."

I shook my head, bitterly. That's all I wanted to hear back when we broke up. Now, it was a little too late. "When I told you I wasn't going to be with someone with no plans, what did you say?" I interrogated him, putting my hands on my hips.

"I told you not to be with me." He hung his head.

"Exactly. I gave you exactly what you wanted. You don't get to change the past Bilal."

"I'm not changing the past. I know what I said; I should have told you how I felt but I thought I was doing right by you. I thought if I couldn't give you what you wanted, I should let you go. What's your excuse for not telling me the truth?"

I ignored his question. "It was the right thing. It was the best thing you ever did for me. Thank you." I said, full of sarcasm, ready to end the conversation.

"Racqelle." He said simply. The way he said my name made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Fight or flight instinct kicked in instantly. As satisfying as it might be to slap him, I knew I had to get away from him.

"Your time is up." I said, heading to the door. My hand was turning the knob when he grabbed my arm and turned me around.

"Let me go!" I spat at him, clawing at his hand.

He didn't even flinch. "Not until you hear me out. I made that mistake before. I've tried to move on but I can't. I thought it was me; that I wasn't ready to settle down, but it's you. No one else compares to you. I love you. I never stopped." He said, holding me tighter.

"Let go!" I demanded, feeling heat rush to my face as I flushed at his words. I looked down to hide my face from him.

"Tell me you don't have feelings for me and I will."

"I don't!" I proclaimed.

"Look at me and tell me." He used the hand that wasn't holding my arm to lift my chin I stared into his eyes; his golden brown eyes watching me critically, seeking the truth.

It took me back to the many playful arguments we had. Truthfully, we thought very similarly, but I used to play devil's advocate. He was always so cool and collected; it was fun to get under his skin. It was our kind of foreplay...

At that thought, I used my free hand to slap him across the face. He immediately let go of me and pulled away in shock. I ignored the hurt and disbelief in his eyes. I ignored my own guilt and honed in on my anger.

Anger, that’s the reason Bilal was affecting me like this. My rapid heartbeat, increased pulse, flushed skin: they were all a result of anger at him. Nothing else.

"You don't get to come here and make demands Bilal. We're over and done. I don't care how you feel or what you think-"

My rant was cut short by him closing the distance between us. He had that same stubborn look on his face, but a different look in his eyes. I couldn't read them. I swallowed, nervously.

Fight or flight took over again. This time, I balled up my fist. I already tried flight, now I would strike him if he touched me again.

He didn't grab me. He did something I wasn't expecting: He kissed me. Conflicting emotions hit me all at once. I couldn't process how I felt. His kiss was comfortable but strange. I knew how wrong it was that he was kissing me, but the familiarity made it feel right. His lips against mine were urgent, but unhurried. He passionately manipulated my lips open and slowly explored my mouth. I groaned, in either protest or pleasure. I couldn't decipher which one. Truthfully, it was both.

In the back of my mind, I knew I needed to stop, but I couldn't remember why. I brought my clenched fist up to his face. Instead of clocking him away like I should, I kissed him back.


***PRESENT***


My original plan was to drop off the ring with a note Saturday. I knew they would be heading to the lake Saturday. When I called Jake to figure out the best time to do that without seeing Brandon, he told me I needed to talk to him. When I told him what Ethan said about waiting it out, he sighed.

“Maybe that would work if it was Ethan, but Brandon feels like you don’t care.” He told me.

“What am I supposed to do if he won’t answer my phone calls? Make him?” I countered. Now that I was giving him space, he believed I didn't care. I understood everything was my fault, but I couldn't fix it if he wasn't ready to hear me out.

“You two created this dynamic where you fight and argue. What's he supposed to think when you're not doing that?” Jake asked me.

That’s what made me abandon my plan of waiting it out. I found out from Jake when he would be back at his apartment. I stood outside and waited for him. When he arrived, I told him we needed to talk. Before he could reply, I said I was sorry. I handed him the engagement ring and told him I would do whatever it took to gain back his trust, love and ring. He just stared at me, but I didn't back down.

“Why did you do it?” Brandon finally asked.

I asked myself that same question, over and over again since I slept with Bilal. Lily thought it was closure and my mom thought it was a sign.

“I don’t know Brandon.” I answered. I still didn’t have an answer to why I cheated. It sounded callous when I said it, but it was the truth. The truth was the only plan I had now. I had to stick with it.

His face flashed with anger. “I don’t know is not good enough.”

“I know. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t."

"You still have feelings for him?" He said, more like an accusation than a question.

"No! It was a stupid, horrible mistake." I answered.

“A mistake that happened with him. I didn't even question you. I believed nothing was going on between you two."

"It wasn't! It was one time and I'm so sorry. I don't know how to make it right-"

"You can't Rocky. There's no fucking way." He exploded.

I shook my head, tears welling up in them. "I don't accept that. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I will never do it again."

"How can you say that if you don’t even know why you did it to begin with?” Brandon interrogated me.

“I know because I would never hurt you like that again. I don’t want to lose you. I can't.”

“You didn’t know that before you slept with him?”

"I wasn't thinking-"

"How convenient." He said bitter laugh.

"I am now. I will never let you out of my thoughts now. We can get past this." I promised. When he looked at me, incredulously, I continued. "It won't be easy, but we can. If we try."

He looked down at the ring before looking up at me. "That's the thing. I don't know if I want to."

I nodded, understandingly. He turned and went inside the apartment. I refused to cry. Crying meant it was over, and I wasn't going to allow that to happen.



 Jackie and I got ready to meet up with Peyton for a night out. I've never been into going out. In college, it was something I tolerated. I got used to it; dating a guy in a band, it came with the territory. When I first moved to Dallas, Jackie was working as an administrative assistant at the realtor that I worked for. She dragged me to bars and clubs all the time to meet new people.

As Jackie excitedly chatted about going out, and some guy she invited out, I thought about Brandon. He loved to go out too, but when I told him I didn't, he gladly traded nights out for nights in with me. Brandon always did what I wanted, no questions asked. I was a damned fool for losing him.

Not yet...

"You need to get over it. What did you think was gonna happen when you told him? If you wanted to be with him, you shoulda kept your mouth shut." Jackie exclaimed, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I rubbed my temples in annoyance. I had to continually remind myself why I was still friends with her; she constantly got on my nerves. Her company was better than being alone, so I got over it. Besides, she would act like a fool and would provide a welcomed distraction from my problems.

I let her pick out a dress for me and do my hair and make-up. We met up with Chris, Peyton and some of their friends at a bar. Once we got settled with drinks, Jackie took pictures of us and continued to play on her phone.

"Darrel is on his way! He has a cute friend..." Jackie said, hinting.

"No." I cut off that line of thinking immediately. I was in no mood to play nice with anyone.

"Yes. I'm not one of your lame friends who going to sit around and watch you mope. Forget about Brandon. There's plenty of guys out here."

"They are engaged!" Peyton exclaimed.

"Were." Jackie corrected her. When I glared at her, she shrugged. "You gave him back his ring-"

"You did?" Peyton asked me. I nodded.

"Look, being depressed isn't going to get him back. Let's just have fun!" Jackie ordered.

I didn't disagree or agree with her. I nursed my drink and made conversation with everyone. When Jackie's friends arrived, I was nice without encouraging the "friend". He got the hint and hit on another girl

I pulled out my phone to see if it was late enough to go home, when I saw I had a text from Brandon.

Brandon: I wanna c u

Me: Where are you?

Brandon: Grand Prairie. Come thru.

I told everyone good night after making sure Jackie had a ride home. I knew that Amber had rented a cabin a Joe Pool Lake, I just didn't know if they were camping with all the rain.

It was a 45 minute drive, and when I got there, I called Brandon. He didn't answer; he text me back instead.

Brandon: Where r u

Me: Outside the camp grounds. Where are you?

Brandon: On my way

I waited 15 minutes before he finally appeared. He got into the car and I could immediately tell he'd been drinking.

"Are you drunk?" I asked him.

"Not really. Why?" He asked, with a smile. It was the first time he smiled at me since I told him what happened. The fact that he was drunk took away from it.

"Are you going to remember what we talk about?" I prodded, gently.

"I don't wanna talk." He said, his smoldering gaze raked over my body in my dress.

"What do you wanna do?" I questioned, already knowing the answer.

"Let's get outta here and I'll show you."

"I don't know if that's a good idea-"

"I thought you wanted to make it up to me." Brandon interrupted me, finally looking in my eyes.

Without another word, I started the car and took off.

I was driving towards the interstate to go back to our house when he pointed out a La Quinta. I drove there instead, got out and got a room. I retrieved Brandon and led him up to the room. There was no doubt in my mind he was drunk when we made it to the bed. He clumsily attempted to remove my clothes. When I tried to help, he moved my hands away.

He gave up, and pushed my dress up my thighs. After removing my panties, he fumbled with a condom. I tried not to think about why he had one and enjoyed his fingers rubbing against me.

He stopped too soon and pushed inside me. I willed my body to relax as he thrust into me. He groaned out, "Mine" as he finished. He fell asleep shortly afterwards and I turned to face him before falling asleep too.


I woke up the next morning to Brandon getting dressed.

"Good morning." I greeted him, sitting up.

"Hey." He said, shortly, stepping into his shoes.

I cleared my throat and patted down my hair. "What are you doing today?"

"Hanging out by the lake weather willing." He said, never turning around to look at me.

"Ok, I'll take you back." I offered.

"No, a cab is on the way." Brandon replied, still standing by the door.

"Brandon. Can you sit down for a second?"

He did, focusing on the bed.

"I know last night didn't change anything, but I thought it meant you wanted to try." I started.

"I don't think I can. Do you know how stupid I feel? You had him around, in our house. You told me y'all were friends." Brandon said.

"I was the stupid one. I wasn't thinking, but he's not a part of my life anymore. You'll never have to worry about him." I declared.

He finally looked up and grabbed my phone. "Check it." He said, handing it to me.

"You went through my phone?" I asked him, disgusted. Is that what he thought of me now?

He stiffened. "I borrowed it to call a cab. Do you have something to hide?"

"No. I told you I'm being truthful with you." I said, going through my phone. I few missed calls from Peyton, my mom, and Jackie. I looked through my texts next.

Lily: Austin is getting the same bad weather as Houston. Bilal will be in Dallas until it's safe to fly back. Let me know if your family is ok.

I blanched. Dammit Lily!

"Tell me again that he's out of your life." Brandon demanded me.

"He is. I swear I haven't talked to him or seen him. I don't want anything to do with him. I want you. I love you." I pleaded with him, grabbing his arm.

He shook me off. "I have to go." He said, getting up and leaving.

This time, I let a few tears escape from my eyes. I wasn't admitting defeat, just the end of the first round. I thought telling him the whole truth would help. The truth was supposed to set you free. I was free alright, but alone. I realized I was going to have to regroup. He still had some feelings for me, last night was proof. I hoped that was enough for him to try.