I'm Alright

"I'm alright
Nobody worry 'bout me
Why you got to gimme a fight
Can't you just let it be
I'm alright
Don't nobody worry 'bout me
You got to gimme a fight
Why don't you just let me be
I'm alright
Nobody worry 'bout me
Why you got to gimme a fight
Can't you just let it be
I'm alright
I'm alright
Just let me be" I'm Alright by Kenny Loggins

"Go Krista Go!!!" I yelled, excitedly from the side of the relay race.

Amber called me when she got off Wednesday morning to give her a wakeup call around 11 am. She set her alarm, but she wanted to make sure she didn't miss Krista and April's field day on the last week of school. I immediately offered to go with her. I was glad I did. The weather was beautiful and watching all the kids compete was better than moping around my apartment.

When Krista passed off the baton to the next person on her team, she shot Amber and me a proud smile. She looked so adorable in red running shorts and a glittery white t-shirt. Amber was already recording, so I took a quick picture of her.

"She's so cute!" I smiled at Amber when she stopped recording.

"She can be." Amber said sarcastically, but she had a proud smile on her face too.

The kids went through different events, including a potato sack race, tug of war, freeze tag, volleyball and a water balloon toss. Every single event, I cheered on Krista loudly. Krista ate up the attention as she showed off for her classmates and the camera. We made sure to get plenty of pictures of her posing with her friends before her grade went back inside the school. We walked to the concession stand as we waited for April's grade to come out.

"I thought you were off Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays?" I asked Amber as we waited for our treats: nachos and a Gatorade for her and water and a pickle for me.

"I traded so I can have Saturday off. Girls weekend, remember?" She said.

I groaned inwardly. I vaguely remember a Facebook notification, but I completely disregarded it when I saw Rocky tagged in it too. I hadn't spoken to her since my failed meeting at her work. I went home, cried and tried to forget about it. I remembered how Trevor told me not to worry about the things she said when she lashed out at me before. As much as I was trying not to let her words get to me, I couldn't let them go.

"I don't know. I feel bad going out, spending money when I have no job prospects." I said, truthfully. June was passing by so quickly. My money had to go towards moving and a storage unit. Not seeing Rocky and whatever mood she was going to be in was just an extra perk.

"We all have to get together. You promised a girls night. Even if it's just hanging out at my house, it's happening!"

"Can't we just do it the following weekend? I had a drug test for a job. I should hear back from them soon." I suggested, and it would give Rocky time to calm down so we could talk, reasonably.

"That's father's day weekend. Besides, Corey is taking Sammy out of town for her birthday."

"Doesn't he know she hates celebrating her birthday?" I said, surprised. She wouldn't even let us get her a cake.

Amber shrugged. "Guess not anymore, but that has nothing to do with this weekend. You're coming!"

I was tempted to tell her about my fight with Rocky, but I didn't. I hadn't even told Trevor. I was hoping it would blow over by then and we'd be ok. I pushed it from my mind and told Amber I would be there. We would work it out. We always did.

April was more reserved than her big sister. She looked embarrassed when I cheered out her name, so I cheered for her class instead. She smiled shyly for the camera in the identical outfit that her sister wore, just in purple instead of red. She wasn't as expressive about it, but it looked like she had a great time.

By the time they finished, school was releasing. I watched Amber yawn as we waited for Krista outside the school.

"Do you have to pick up Robbie?" I asked.

"No. Will gets off at around 5 so he can pick him up today. I'm gonna try to get a few hours of sleep before work." Amber explained.

"Why don't I take the girls?" I offered. "We'll go get dinner and hang out at my place until Will gets off and I'll bring them back."

"Can we go to McDonald's?" Krista exclaimed, excitedly.

"They're ok while I take a nap. It's Robbie I have to watch. They need baths and they don't have a change of clothes." Amber said, reluctantly.

"I'll take care of that." I said quickly.

Amber narrowed her eyes at me. "What happened to saving money?"

"This is an investment in my future. When they grow up, they're going to take care of me, right girls?"

They both agreed as we walked to Amber's car. I grabbed their booster seats and put them in my car. We went to Wal-Mart and I let the girls pick out clothes. April went for a simple blue summer dress. I had to cut Krista off as she picked multiple outfits. She found a pink rhinestone embellished tank dress with a tutu skirt. After we checked out, we went to the McDonald's attached to the store and all got happy meals.

"Happy meals are for kids." Krista informed me as I snacked on my 5 chicken nuggets, sliced apples and water; I put the fries in the trash before I got to the table.

"It's a happy meal. I'm happy I get to hang out with y'all, so I got a happy meal." I said.

April smiled brightly while Krista studied me, furrowing her eyebrows. Fuck, she looked like her dad when she did that. It wasn't cute, at all.

After dinner, we went to my apartment and I ran them a bath. I had no idea how to manage their curly hair after I washed it, so I blow dried it and put it up in ponytails. They put on their outfits and I let them go downstairs and play on the XBOX. I recorded them dancing to a few songs and posted them on Facebook. I tagged Amber in them with the caption:

Future super stars! I said it first and will be riding their coattails all the way to the top! #Work! #DisneyStars #RetirementPlan #Aunt-ager?

When they moved on to the next game, Trevor called me.

"I didn't know you were babysitting."

"I didn't know either. I took them from field day so Amber could get some sleep." I told him.

"Do y'all want some ice cream? I can pick some up on the way." He asked.

"No!" I exclaimed, my mouth already watering at just the mention of ice cream. "I'm taking them home in another hour. Besides, we're having girl time."

"Is that daddy?" April asked me.

"No, it's Trevor. Say hello to him." I said, putting the phone on speaker.

"Hi Trevor!" They said, in unison.

"Hey Krista. Hi April. Can I join y'all?"

"No boys allowed!" I said, shaking my head no at the girls.

"Yeah." April and Krista agreed.

"But I wanna play too." Trevor said, in a fake, whiny voice.

"No boys!" April shot him down, laughing

"Boys don't play dancing games." Krista said, haughtily.

"Some boys dance." I corrected her.

"If they're sissies." Krista argued with me. Trevor started laughing, but I narrowed my eyes at the way she flipped her wrist and pranced around the room.

"What's a sissy?" I asked her.

"Boys that act like girls and kiss other boys." She said, making kissy faces.

"Krista, that's not nice." I said, sternly.

"That's what my daddy said." She stated.

"Your daddy is wron-" I started to say, but Trevor cut me off.

"Who wants Ice cream?!?!" Trevor said.

The girls cheered. "I do!" After Trevor took their request, I took him off speaker phone. I went in to the kitchen to go off on him.

"What the fuck Trevor? I didn't want ice cream." I exclaimed.

"The girls do, and you shouldn't be telling them their dad is wrong." Trevor said.

"But he is. Do you call gay men sissies?"

"You know I don't just like I know you don't want to fight with Amber."

"So?"

"So telling her kids that Will is wrong will start problems. You know how she is." Trevor said. "I'm at Braums. I'll see you in a bit."

Trevor came over with ice cream sundaes for us. He got me a black forest sundae as well, but my appetite was spoiled by being told I was wrong.  I kept thinking about what Rocky said about doing thing with good faith without thinking them through. Maybe she was right...

Will called and said he was on his way to pick up the girls. He came and picked them up without me saying a word about the sissy remark. After they left, Trevor gave me a curious glance before asking if I wanted the ice cream.

"No, you can take it on your way home." I said.

"Are you coming over?" He asked.

"No. I'm going to the gym."

"I'll see you later?" He asked. I nodded and gave him a kiss and we left.

Even after my work out, I still felt annoyed. When I got home, I flopped on the couch, exhausted. I didn't even have the energy to find where I put the remote so I played on my phone instead. I had a bunch of likes and comments on the video of the girls. Christian was one.

Christian: I want to hire them for my first video.

Me: You're coming out with a video?!?

My phone rang. It was Christian. I debated answering it. Trevor and I didn't talk about him after Mexico. I didn't know where he was on us being friends. I shrugged and answered it. At this point, did it really matter? I'd find a way to fuck it up anyway.

"Anything's possible. I've been thinking about a compilation album for a while." He explained about the album.

"That is so cool. If you do need dancers, we can negotiate." I joked.

"Riiight... Aunt-ager? Is that what you call yourself?"

"That's right." I laughed.

"Where's Trevor?"

"At his apartment-" I started.

"Ahh, that's why we can talk. He's still threatened by me?" He asked.

"I never said he was threatened; Meeting your girlfriend definitely helped. No way would you want to downgrade. How often does Noelle work out?" I asked, thinking about her tiny frame in her bikini.

"She does yoga and Pilates maybe twice a week. She's all about eating organic and natural and shit. Everything raw and unprocessed."

I made a face. "That sounds awful.. and that's why I'll always be out of shape."

"Facechat with me."

"No. Why?"

"I wanna show you something."

"Tell me."

"It's a fitness test. I can snap chat it to you."

"Just tell me what it is."

"Fine. Wrap your arm around your back to your stomach."

"One sec." I put the phone down and did just that. "Ok." I said over the speaker.

"Can you touch your belly button?"

"Yeah?" I strained. Barely.

"Then you're good."

"That's such bullshit!" I exclaimed.

"It's a real thing!"

"My really long arms just reached over my fat to get to my belly button."

Christian laughed. "There is nothing fat about you, except a few places. I'm sure Trevor hasn't told you why that's a good thing but I will."

I laughed too. "No. Keep it to yourself and your skinny everywhere girlfriend. Good night."

"I'm serious though. Are you two ok?"

"We're alright. Don't worry about us." I assured him.

"Hm... Trevor should be telling you every day how sexy you are and how lucky he is."

"How do you know he doesn't?" I smirked.

"'Cause you'd never think of yourself as a downgrade if he did."

"I was just joking." I said.

"It wasn't funny." He said, seriously.

"Speaking of not funny, what do you think of the term sissies for gay men?" I asked, changing the subject.

Christian chuckled.

"I said, not funny!"

"I know, it's really not. I just haven't heard that term in forever. Old school bigotry."

I chatted with Christan a little more before I went to bed. I texted Trevor to let him know I was spending the night at my place.



Thursday morning, I received an email from Adil, the guy I went to graduate school with. I did a happy dance when he told me to come into the clinic Monday morning for an informal interview. I had no idea what that meant, especially when the assistant said they weren't hiring, but I went with it. I was 10 times more excited for that than the assistant living facility.

My good mood carried over to the evening. I went over to Trevor's place and made dinner. Over baked potatoes, I told him the news.

Trevor smiled at me. "That's great. Does that mean you can start moving in soon?"

I looked at him, confused. "What do they have to do with each other?"

"I thought that was why you haven't planned yet, because you've been focusing on a job. Now that you have a couple lined up, we can start getting you moved in."

"I don't have a couple lined up. I'm still waiting on a drug test and I have an informal interview." I corrected him, my good mood fading.

"Still your lease is about to be up. Are you going to wait to the last minute?"

"Maybe." I bristled at him. "I wanna make sure I'm not putting the movers and the storage on my credit cards if I don't have a job to make the payments. Have you thought about that?" I questioned him, irritated.

He shook his head. "Don't take this the wrong way, but are you PMSing?"

I scoffed. "How can I take that the right way?"

"I don't know. You've been really- grumpy -lately." Trevor said, carefully.

"So I must be PMSing?"

He gave me a little nervous smile. "That would explain it..."

Somehow, that pissed me off more. "I'm not. I haven't had a period in months."

He looked at me wide eyed. "Are you preg-"

"Fuck no! I'm on birth control. I don't have monthly periods." I interrupted.

"Oh." He said, disappointed.

"That's the last thing I want right now. I want a job. I don't want to be your housewife." I said, annoyed.

"I know Lily." He said sharply, before standing up. He dumped the remaining skin of his potato in the trash before putting his plate in the sink. I jumped when it landed with a clank. He looked around for a moment.

"What are you looking for?"

"My keys." He said, simply.

"Where are you going?" I asked, the annoyed tone leaving my voice as found his keys on the counter.

"To get food. Do you want something?" He asked, pausing at the door.

"But I cooked." I said, lamely.

"Real food. Not a freaking potato. I'll be back." He stalked out, slamming the door.

 He was gone for exactly 22 minutes. I know, because I obsessively checked the time while I cleaned the kitchen. He came back with chicken from KFC. He sat back down at the table.

"I got you hot wings." He said, calmly like nothing happened.

I joined him at the table and ate, picking the skin off the wings first.

We ate in silence until he looked at me. "I didn't get any sides since we already had potatoes." He joked, with a smile.


I smiled too and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry T-Rev. I'm just stressed. It's a huge leap, this moving together stuff, you know?"

"I know. I just want you to talk to me."

"I will." I said.

He waited expectantly.

"That's it. Just stressed." I reiterated. "I'm alright."

He studied me before nodding. "Ok."