Cut Her Off

Mini-Post bonus. I wanted to finish the girl's night in to explain Lily's mindset. It didn't fit into Wednesday post, so here it is.

"It ain't nothing to cut that bitch off
It ain't nothing to cut that bitch off
So what you saying, hoe?
You know I'm the man, hoe?
Nothing but a bird, I'm a leave you where you stand, hoe
Heard you got a man, hoe
Hope he understand, though
You ain't nothing but a creeper, baby I'm just saying, though
Saying, though
It ain't nothing to cut that bitch off
It ain't nothing to cut that bitch off" Cut her Off by K Camp feat 2 Chainz

By my second glass of wine, I forgot about my diet and embarrassment about crying in front of everyone. After I finished the plate of food and wine Dino brought me, I headed straight into the kitchen for seconds and a refill. I gave myself a pass on my diet because I was going through a breakup. In my mind, that's what me and Rocky were doing- we were breaking up. If I was being honest to myself, our relationship hadn't been the same since I came back to Dallas.

As heartbreaking as it was, I quickly realized I was not mourning the lost of the friendship I had with Rocky now, but the one I used to have. I mourned with pizza, mozzarella sticks, popcorn, potstickers, taquitos and a bottle of wine all to myself. I knew it was emotional eating. That was my biggest problem with food. When I felt the urge to binge eat, I remembered California and my miscarriage. It motivated me to eat in moderation and exercise more. After my third glass of wine, I was on fuck it mode. It was the best fucking feeling in the world.

No one said a thing as I ate a second plate of food. In fact, they all went out of their way to make me feel comfortable after my freak out. Gigi opened up about her inability to find a man and Sophia complained about some asshole she was casually dating. Sammy got in on the fun too, bitching about how perfectly normal Corey was and how she wished he would be an asshole sometimes because that's what she knew. I couldn't tell if if she was being serious or if it was just the cheap wine talking.

Dino complained she never had time to go out and met guys to date between school and work. I suggested Tinder. She revealed she tried, but it was a waste of time because she didn't like this generation's idea of a man. They either had no family values or no work ethic. She declared she was going to try dating older guys.

Jordan snorted and said age didn't matter. Some men were just obsessed with work. Dino disagreed. Her dad worked 2 jobs and in his free time still made time for his family because they were important to him. Dino said that's why she had high standards. She would stay single until she found a man that measured up. Jordan lamented that she didn't know what was worse: being single or feeling single because your boyfriend neglected you.

Amber lightened the mood by saying her free time away from Will was the best thing ever. She told us how she and Will got in to an argument because he thought the videos I posted of the girls dancing were inappropriate. I asked her why didn't she make me take them down, surprised that she didn't. Amber informed me it wasn't just the videos, but the comment Q made calling them the next Miley Cyrus which Will took huge offensive to. Amber didn't care because it was just a joke. I told her about how I thought Krista using the term sissy wasn't funny at all.

Amber flipped the fuck out. It was hilarious.  She searched and blasted Will, calling him a hypocrite. I found her phone first, but before I could hand it over, Dino snatched it from me and hid it. Amber eventually gave up and told me to call her the next time they say stuff like that. I quickly agreed.

"What about you Lily? Why were you crying?" Dino asked me as we finished up the last bottle of wine.

"My best friend of 9 years cut me off after saying my relationship wasn't going to last." I answered truthfully.

"That's cold." Sophia shook her head.

"Did she have a point?" Dino asked.

Amber nudged her, which made her spill her wine and she exclaimed, "What? It's her best friend right? Maybe she's trying to look out for her."

I thought about it the best I could in my wine soaked brain.

I used to look up and admire Rocky. Yeah, she was always bossy and overbearing, but everything she said was either right or came from a place of wanting to see me happy. I followed it blindly. When I came back from California, I still had some growing up to do. Hell, I still do, but I didn't blindly follow orders from anyone anymore. That changed the dynamics of our friendship greatly.

"Lily-" Amber started, when I stood up. I pulled my phone away before Dino could reach it.

"Be right back." I exclaimed, rushing outside again. I called Trevor's number. He answered on the 3rd ring.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry T-Rev." I slurred.

"What?" He said over the background noise.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted. "I've been such a bitch to you and you don't deserve it. You never deserve it. Of course I want to move in with you. In a fucking box, with a fucking fox, in a fucking house with a fucking mouse. Any fucking where. I was scared but I love you and I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Please never stop loving me." I pleaded with him.

"I don't know how to start stop loving you." Trevor replied, with a chuckle.

"Huh?" I yelled, confused. That was confusing. I needed yes or no answers only.

"I love you Lily. I can't stop and I don't want to." He said.

I grinned happily. "I miss you so much baby. I'm gonna come see you."

"No!" He exclaimed. "Stay at Amber's. You'll see me tomorrow."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"And we'll spend all day in bed?"

"That's the best idea I heard all day."

"Ok. I love you Trevor."

"I love you too. Forever."

I beamed happily as I ended the call and walked back inside the house.

"No. She didn't have a point. She was just being a bitch!" I announced when I walked back inside. Even if she she didn't think Trevor and I were going to stay together, she should have supported me like I supported her: like when she got engaged to one guy after she banged another one. I don't know how it got to the point where we were today, but if she wanted to cut me off, good fucking riddance.

Everyone started laughing and I grabbed my new BOSS beanie and the karaoke mic. I then started rapping K Camp's Cut her Off.

Amber turned on the actually song for me and joined me. I sang and meant every word: I was done with Rocky. I decided to focus on the good friendships I had. Jordan, who drove me crazy sometimes but was always loyal to me. Amber; even if we didn't always see eye to eye, we always had a mutual respect for each other. And Sammy: God knew we had our ups and down, but we gotten to a point were we could compromise and talk things out. That's something I was realizing I no longer had with Rocky: loyalty, respect or compromise.

Once all the wine was gone, we took turns singing karaoke. Jordan sang Want You to Want Me and I was pleasantly surprised by her singing voice. Sophia and Sammy went old school with Bugaboo. Dino did a performance of Worth It. At Amber's request, we dressed up, did our make-up, and performed karaoke to We Can't Stop by Miley Cyrus together.

Amber posted that video on Instagram, captioning it:

Remember only God can judge ya

Forget the haters 'cause somebody loves ya

Afterwards, we half-assed cleaned the kitchen and our faces and crashed in the living room. Between the couches, air bed, and mattress we pulled from Amber's room, we all found space to lay down. We watched the Disney animated Cinderella. Right after her step sisters ripped Cinderella's original dress, I fell asleep wondering why she didn't cut those bitches from her life a long time ago.