Just a Friend

"You can call me anytime you like 
It doesn't matter day or night 
We can do whatever you 
Wanna do it's up to you
Don't fight the feeling that you feel
I can tell that its real
So won't you help me understand
Why you say I'm just a friend?
Oh baby you
Got what I need 
But you say I'm just a friend 
But you say I'm just a friend 
Cause I can be your fantasy
But you say I'm just a friend 
But you say I'm just a friend" Just a Friend by Mario


“So let me get this straight…” Rocky started, Tuesday evening as we went shopping for Thanksgiving. “You kissed Trevor, and you’re going to his family for Thanksgiving-“

“Before dinner at your house.” I added.

“But you are going to Trevor’s grandma's house for Thanksgiving as his what?”

“Friend.” I answered, throwing cans of crescents rolls in the shopping cart.

She shook her head at me before contemplating different cheeses. “You know that makes no sense, especially after y'all kissed.”

I knew that. I thought about it the whole drive down. I had so many conflicting feelings, that I decided not to make a choice or worry about it. I was just going to do what I wanted, without over thinking it. I wanted to spend time with Trevor, without any commitment. I was sure I wasn't ready for that with anyone.

Surprisingly for Trevor, no commitment meant nothing physical. That kiss was as far as he would go with me until I was ready for a relationship, which was probably for the  best. My previous relationships were based on sex. Those turned out so well...

"Right now, we're friends. Nothing more." I told her with a shrug. “I don't know what the future will bring, but it works for us now.”

“Ok." Rocky said, throwing cream cheese and  cheddar in the cart. A sour expression crossed her face. "Have you spoken to Ethan?” She  asked.

“Through text.” I answered.

When I came back in town Sunday, the first place I went was the store to buy a new phone. Trevor went with me, and  started the whole IPhone versus Android debate. I thought it was silly to pay that much for an IPhone just for a name. Trevor quickly corrected my mistake, telling me how much more an IPhone can do than an Android. 2 days later, I was still trying to figure out the cool new features. I did figure out my messages. I had voicemail and texts from Ethan, Rocky, Cam, and Amber.

I called Rocky right away. Trevor already told me he talked her down, but she was still raging mad at Ethan. After Ethan told her what happened between us when he showed up at her house at 4 in the morning looking for me, she went off on him.

 I loved her to death for her protectiveness, but I told her it wasn't her place to defend me. That was her boyfriend's brother; there was no need to make it uncomfortable between them. Besides, I needed to start protecting and standing up for myself. I did that in my text to Ethan.

He left me voicemail on Sunday. The first was a shockingly emotional plea with me to talk to him. He said:

"Please call me back. I know you're rightfully upset. I deserve every bit of it. I need to talk to you. Please pick up."

The second was full of concern.

"Lily, where are you? I get that you don't wanna talk to me and you need your space, but will you at least call Rocky so we know that you're ok?"

The last one he sounded just...defeated.

"I don't know how much it means to you now, especially through voicemail, but I'm sorry Lily. I don't know what to do to make this right. My only excuse is that this all just hit me out of nowhere and I made a mistake. I just... wish you would have told me then. I wish I would have asked now. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. Just tell me what to do to fix this, and I'll do it. I'll be here for you now.

It took a day to figure out what I wanted to say to him. I was still so upset with him, but the tone in his voice made me hurt for him as well. Then I would feel angry for feeling bad for him. I just made the decision not to waste anymore energy on him. At the end of the day, he proven time and time again he wasn't worthy of my affection or my time. I wasn't wasting anymore on him.

I sent him a text that read:

Me: I got your messages. I accept your apology. I can understand this is all just happening for you, but it's been years for me. The time we could have gone through this together has passed. I accepted that as my consequence for not telling you. I'm sorry for any and all the pain I caused you. I think that's the only consistent thing in our relationship is hurting each other. The only way to fix this is to just move on.

I knew a text was the easy way out, but it was the only way I could say what I needed to say. Even then, my hands were shaking as I sent the text.

My heart jumped out of my chest when I saw him typing a reply that evening

Ethan: Ok

I turned to Rocky as we loaded eggs in the front of the cart.

"I told him we just needed to move on. We haven't been in each other's life long enough to have so many problems. We can be cordial, but at this point, I don't even see us being friends. I don't think we ever were." I told Rocky.

"I'm just saying, you know we are eating at noon. If he's the reason you're not coming into later-"

"What? You'll uninvite him?" I grinned. "That's your future brother in law."

"Exactly. I've been accommodating because of Brandon. You are my family. The second he started messing with you, the gloves came off. That goes for Will too." Rocky said, heatedly.

"I don't even care about Will. It's no secret we don't like each other. And to an extent, a very small extent, I understand why Ethan may have jumped to that conclusion because I hid it from him. Amber should have known better." I pointed out.

The only person I haven't spoken to was Amber. As many times I watched her kids when she was chasing behind Will and was there for her when he treated her wrong, for her to just run with what Will said without at least questioning it? That's what hurt the most. Not only hurt, it pissed me off.

"Amber is lovestoned. That man can do no wrong, and when he does, it's not his fault. She's always been like that. Don't expect it to change." Rocky said, as we continued to walk up and down the aisle, picking up the last of our groceries on our list.

"That's not what Justin Timberlake was talking about when he wrote LoveStoned for me." I smiled.

"You know FutureSex/LoveSounds was my album." Rocky laughed.

"Whatever. You don't like modern music, remember?"

"Justin is the exception to all my rules."

"Mine too!" I smiled.

After checking out, we loaded the groceries in Brandon's SUV and drove back to the house. Brandon helped us unloaded the bags from the car. After we put away the groceries, I got ready to head home, telling them I would see them tomorrow as soon as I got off work.

Rocky did a lot of her cooking and prep on Thanksgiving eve, so that Thanksgiving consisted of a little cooking and a lot of eating throughout the day. Her mom and two brothers would be arriving around noon, so I planned to be there to help out and hang out with them. I haven't seen them in forever.

Brandon walked me out to my car. I was waiting for him to say whatever he needed to about the situation with his brother. Rocky told Ethan off in front of Brandon, so he knew everything. I waited expectantly, but he just gave me a hug.

"Get home safe okay?" Brandon said as I looked at him, confused.

"Ok. Goodnight." I said, thrown off, but grateful. I got out of there before anything else weird happened.

------------------

Wednesday, I spent my lunch at work with Jordan and Q. Jordan and Derek were hosting a friendsgiving potluck that consisted of Dickey's BBQ Turkey and fixing and everyone bringing what they wanted. I already told her my plans, but she still encouraged me to stop by if I wanted. She told me Sammy and Corey would be there too. Jordan knew Sammy had moved out, but not about the falling out we had. It just reminded me I needed to get in touch with Sammy to get her name off the lease. I decided I would wait until after the holiday.

As I walked back inside the clinic, Kendall stopped me on his way out.

"I decided how you can pay me back for working your weekend." He announced.

"Ok. How?" I responded.

"What are you doing Friday?"

"I don't know. Probably hanging with family, eating leftovers."

"Friday night we should hang out." He suggested.

"No. I'm not dating at all. Even if I was, I wouldn't date someone I work with." I turned him down.

"I'm not looking to date either. Just hang out. It can be a group thing."

"Why don't I just work one of your weekends?" I changed the subject.

He nodded before taking off.

Awkward.

I got off work, headed home to change and straighten up a bit, then went straight to Rocky's house. I immediately got excited when I saw her older brother's Riley's candy red Impala parked in the driveway. There was another unfamiliar car sitting outside the house too. I let myself into the house. I heard Mama's Smith laughter ringing out from the kitchen.

Mama Smith!" I squealed, excitedly as I walked in the kitchen.

"Lily!!! Girl, c'mere!" She demanded, holding her arms out wide.

I hugged her tightly. "It's been too long!"

"Mmmhmm, especially since you can find the time to make it out to Austin." Mama Smith pointed out.

"I know. I'm sorry." I smiled.

"I know you are. Now do better!" She said, stepping back to take a look at me. "You look good girl. I thought you may be photoshopping yourself."

"I don't know how to do that." I laughed.

"Neither does Beyonce, but she does it." Mama Smith cracked.

"You look good too!" I complimented her. She did. She hadn't aged at all. Her brown skin was smooth, and she was naturally small and petite like Rocky. She showed off her body in skinny jeans and a low cut blouse.

"Don't I tho? People don't believe I'm a grandma. I tell em into I see some DNA, I don't believe it either."

"Don't start momma." Riley, Rocky's eldest brother interrupted, coming in from outside. His girlfriend and two boys trailed them. The eldest was 12, the youngest was 8. Riley worked for an Oil rig that keep his his body in shape. He was tall and lean, with long dreads, smooth skin and a youthful, fine face that kept him popular with the ladies.

"Not these two. I know these are my grandboys. It's the other ones I question." Mama Smith chuckled, getting her grandsons a can of soda.

Rocky reintroduced me to Riley' s girlfriend Allison. Riley and Allison had been on and off since high school, resulting in two kids between them and two other baby mommas with one child a piece. Mama Smith always told Riley he needed to get a vasectomy if he keep messing with chickenheads. While I might not have said it that way, I definitely agreed.

"Its great to see y'all again." I smiled at them.

When Ramon walked in from outside, I went over and gave him a huge hug. He was the middle child at 31 and took more after his mom look wise than his brother. He was quiet, but sweet. He was a pediatrician and encouraged me when I thought I wanted to go to med school too.

"How have you been Ramon?" I asked him, when I pulled away.

"Good. How bout you?" He asked me.

"About the same."  I smiled at him.

We caught up as we started cooking. Mama Smith had the kids and Allison tearing the greens from the stems while she worked on the pies. Rocky was working on the cakes and Ramon and I prepped all the vegetables and sides. Riley claimed he was supervising while flipping channels on the TV. Mama Smith told him he would be on rolls and punch duty on Thursday cause that's all he could do.

"Don't be like y'all's daddy. A real man can cook." Mama Smith declared, putting a pumpkin pie in the oven.

"Oh yeah, how's that working with the ladies Ray?" Riley asked Ramon with a smirk.

I shot daggers at Riley while Ramon ignored him. Ramon hadn't came out, but it was a well known secret that he was gay.

"I'm gonna put that on my list." I said, changing the subject as I chopped celery.

"What list?" Ramon asked.

"The qualities for the next guy I date. He needs to be able to cook." I stated.

"What else is on this list?" Mama Smith asked me, working on a sweet potato pie next.

"I don't know. I just started it." I smiled.

"Umph, make sure it has mature, relaxed, and not a punk." Mama Smith commented, looking at me as she stirred cinnamon into her orange mixture. Ramon gave me a thankful look. I cut my eyes at Rocky. Rocky just smirked.

"Yes ma'am." I said, plainly.

"Really Lily, where are you finding these dudes? It goes from bad to worse. I get it. You have daddy issue, but there comes a time you gotta let that shit go." She lectured me.

"I'm working on it." I assured her.

"You betta be. Cause if I hear anymore nonsense, I'm gonna drive down here myself and beat the guy you're dating then you." She threatened.

"Alright momma. She gets it." Rocky interrupted.

"We can get started on you. All the guys she dated had one thing in common: Brandon. So what's that say about him?" Mama Smith snapped at her.

Riley chuckled and Mama Smith turned on him.

"You have no reason to be laughing. You bounce between women like a ball at a tennis court. Back and forth, baby here, baby there. I raised you better than that. And this females let you." Mama Smith said, cutting her eyes at Allison.

The front door opened. I was terrified it might be Brandon. Rocky's eyes widen too. Mama Smith was on a roll. Brandon was about to come home and be the next victim. We both were relieved when we saw Trevor walk through the kitchen.

"Rene." He exclaimed, making a beeline for her. "You look sexier every time I see you. Can we finally tell your kids about us?"

"Boy stop!" Mama Smith giggled, hugging him back.

"Yeah boy, stop. That's my momma you talking about." Riley narrowed his eyes at Trevor.

"You shut up. At least he has the common sense to wrap it up. Dipping your little-"

"Hey Hey!" Trevor cut her off, laughing. "Kids are present. We'll tell 'em later." Trevor greeted everyone before washing his hand.

"What can I help with?" He asked.

"When did you start cooking?" Mama Smith asked him.

"Last weekend. I can make mashed potatoes now." Trevor winked at me. I smiled.

"From scratch? Not that instant crap." Rocky asked.

"Just give me some potatoes."

Brandon showed up an hour later with take out. Wine and Trevor had Mama Smith in a great mood and she greeted him warmly.

Most of the prep work was done. The greens were blanched, the cornbread dressing and multiple casseroles were in the refrigerator ready to be popped in the oven, the potatoes were coked, mashed and seasoned, the turkey was in it's brine, the pies were cooled and wrapped and Rocky was finishing icing the cakes. The rest of the food was either being done in the morning or the Carters were bringing.

After we cleaned, we sat down to eat the fried chicken dinner Brandon brought home. We discussed sleeping arrangements after we ate.

"I figured Riley, Allison, and the kids can have my extra room and Ramon can have my room. We can head over there when y'all are ready." I informed them.

"Where are you sleeping?" Ramon asked me.

"Trevor and I are going to head out early for his grandma's house. It's like a two hour drive. I figured I would just stay at his place. That way I'll be able to see my brother before he leaves." I explained, putting up my plate.

Trevor looked at his phone. "Yeah, they should be leaving soon. We better get moving."

As Riley and Ramon gathered their things, Mama Smith turned to Trevor. "I see how you do me. I didn't get an invite to spend the night."

"I figured you wanna spend time with your daughter. I don't want her to think I'm trying to steal you away." Trevor smiled.

"Uh huh. What are you and Lily planning to do tonight?" She asked, suggestively. I blushed at her tone.

"Sleep. You know we're just friends." Trevor smiled.

"Mmmhmmm, heard that one before."

We laughed before saying goodnight and driving to my apartment. I left my keys to my car and townhouse with Ramon. I said goodnight before hopping in Trevor's car. We drove over to my brother's apartment. Jenna was from Kansas City, Missouri, so they were driving tonight and planned to get there in the morning.

I wished my brother good luck. He met her family before, but they were announcing their engagement over the holiday. Jenna already reassured us they loved him, so I was hoping it went smoothly.

After telling them goodbye, we went to Trevor's apartment. He made us kettle corn and hot chocolate and we ate in his bed. He turned on "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving."

"My mom loves the Peanuts Gang. She has a ton of memorabilia. Every holiday we watched the themed Charlie Brown movie." Trevor smiled.

I laughed and put my hot chocolate down to cuddle with him. The movie was cute. I saw it a long time ago. I looked over to grab some popcorn. I stopped, watching Trevor instead. He lite up as he laughed at the gang's shenanigans. Even in the dark room, his eyes shone so bright. I watched the lights from the TV dance across his face. It was more entertaining watching Trevor watch the movie than the actually cartoon.

"What?" Trevor asked looking over at me as the movie ended.

"Nothing." I smiled, grabbing a handful of popcorn. I munched happily as I watched Snoopy and Woodstock devour their Thanksgiving meal as the credits rolled.