Down Here in Hell

"What would I do if we were perfect?
Where would I go for disappointment?
Love without pain would leave me wondering why I stay.
And I think of savin' myself
But with nothin' to complain about up in Heaven
What would I do?
I think of savin' myself
But I really wanna work it out
Down here in Hell with you"- Down Here in Hell by Van Hunt

I woke up Sunday morning, restless. The uneasy feeling hadn't gone away. Jake wasn't in bed. I could hear him out in the kitchen. I took a deep breath then exhaled slowly. I grabbed my phone. It was already 10am. The uneasiness turned to dread as I read the long ass text Sammy sent me.

Sammy- I can't believe you left with him after he treated you like that. He was such an asshole! He had no right to go through your phone or make you leave. And what's even worst is that you put up with it! Obviously you're used to it! Don't be one of those girls that lets a boyfriend rule their lives. It's pathetic.

I frowned, upset. I didn't get it. This was the same person that was telling me I was stupid for being inappropriate with Trevor on Facebook. Then she brought up Corey like we dated when she knows how Jake gets. But now I am the pathetic girl that lets my boyfriend rule my life?

Jake didn't make me leave. I wanted to get the hell outta there because it was hostile, thanks to her comment and Jake's reaction to it.

I couldn't defend him being an asshole. I felt my cheeks burn just remembering how embarrassed I was last night. If I was being honest, that was the biggest reason why I wanted to leave. I tried to prevent an argument in front of them, but I felt and looked... well, pathetic.

I was sitting on the bed, thinking things over, when Jake returned to his room. He was carrying a plate full of food, a mug of coffee and what looked like a card.

"Good morning cariño." He said, with a smile.

"Morning." I said, not even attempting to smile back. I just didn't have it in me to just push everything aside and pretend like we were ok.

He set the plate and coffee down on the night stand on his side of the bed. He motioned me over. The smell of bacon and waffles was tempting, but the card he was holding held my attention. I sat, cross legged on the edge of the bed. He handed the card to me. The front read:

I'm a dick...

I smirked. No arguments here.

I opened the card up.

I'm addicted to you.

I looked up at him with a straight face. "You really were a dick last night."

"I know and I'm sorry." He kneeled in front of me. "Lily, I knew there was something between us after our first kiss and I tried to fight it. But the more I was around you, the stronger it got. I couldn't see anyone but you. The thought of you dating another guy back then just completely fucked me up."

"I wasn't seeing anyone, but even if I was, we weren't together." I pointed out, looking into his eyes.

He put his arms around me. "I know. You could have dated whoever you wanted. But for me, no other woman compared to you. Now and back then. The thought that you didn't feel the same... It sucked." Jake explained.

"I did feel the same. That's why I never went out with him. You were the only one on my mind Jake." I said, sincerely.

He brought me closer and kissed me deeply.

"I'm sorry cariño." He said against my lips.

I nodded.

He looked at me. "Do you forgive me?"

"Maybe. Let me eat first then I'll think about it." I smiled.

We spent the rest of the day together, watching football and relaxing. The incident was completely forgotten about until he drove me home. I groaned inwardly when I saw Sammy's car. I ignored her text. I couldn't ignore her face to face.

I gave Jake one last lingering kiss before I went to my door. When the deadbolt was locked, I sighed and knocked. Moments later, Sammy opened the door. She looked around me.

"Where's Jake?" She asked, hands on her hips.

"He just dropped me off." I said, stepping into the townhome.

"Fucking coward." She spat.

"Look, he knows he was wrong and he apologized. Can you let it go?" I sighed.

"What did he apologize for? Embarrassing you? Forcing you to leave? Being an overall dickhead and ruining the day?" Sammy asked.

"Don't be so dramatic. The day wasn't ruined." I deflected. Jake did apologize. We just never specifically clarified why he was sorry...

"He demanded to go through your phone, but I'm dramatic?" Sammy exclaimed.

I just looked away.

"Lily, I just don't like the changes I've seen in you..."

"What are you talking about? You called me selfish, immature brat. Not even 2 week ago you said I was stupid and I needed to change the way I was. Or does that only apply to Trevor?" I accused her.

"This has nothing to do with Trevor!" She snapped back.

"Well please let me know cause I can't fucking keep up with everything that is wrong with me!" I exclaimed, flopping on the couch.

She looked at me, sadly, and joined me.

"There is nothing wrong with you." Sammy started, shaking my shoulders. "Yeah, you are a brat. And you can be childish. And naive. And selfish. But you're young. And independent. And smart. And beautiful. And whatever else you wanna be. This is the time to figure that out. And I meant what I said. You do have to be considerate of his feelings cause you are in a relationship, but don't change who you are for him. If he can't accept you, fuck em." Sammy finished.

"He does accept me. It's just hard cause of how we got together. We're not perfect, but we're figuring it out." I told her.

She didn't look convinced, but she nodded. After a moment, she started again.

"His friend Omar is an asshole. My beer might have fell on him." Sammy admitted.

I groaned. "What? Why?"

"He called you a homie hopper. He wanted to go back to middle school and call names, so I did too." Sammy said.

I shook my head. I suspected Omar didn't like me. Now I knew for sure. I sighed.

"That's how you handled altercations in middle school?" I asked.

"No. That's how I handled bitches that talked shit. Fruit punch or chocolate milk dumped over their heads. Preferably when they were wearing white." Sammy admitted, grinning like she was remembering a fond memory, like grandma's baked goods.

I laughed. "Remind me to stay on your good side."

Sammy laughed too. "Now I have a taste for chocolate milk."

"Me too... do we have chocolate syrup?"



Monday morning I went to work like normal. Sandra informed me the two patients I worked with over the weekend were now my patients. At lunch, I went over my schedule. There was no way I could work them in without giving up my Tuesdays off. I sighed and called my patients to confirm the changes. When I had my schedule manageable, I ate a salad and went back to work. I barely had time to welcome Jordan back. When she was leaving, she came and found me. I left my patient working through her reps on the elastic bands and gave Jordan a hug.

"How are you holding up?" She asked.

"Great." I said. She laughed at the horror face I made. I didn't say anything negative.

"Just think of Vegas. 4 more days..." Jordan said.

I nodded. I was excited about Vegas. I was not excited about hanging with Jake's friends. Especially after what Sammy told me. I was embarrassed enough with what happened at Omar and Kelly's house and at Oktoberfest. I appreciated Sammy defending me, but I'm sure they all knew what happened and now I knew his friends were talking about us. Or the very least, me. It wasn't a great feeling, but I would suck it up for Jake's birthday.

That's why I went ahead and made plans to go to the mall with Rocky, Jasmine and Kelly. Might as well get the awkwardness out the way. I had to finish up shopping Tuesday cause I knew I wouldn't have time any other day. I planned to get off at 12pm. I got off late and raced over to the Galleria in Dallas. All three of them were waiting for me at the Starbucks.

"Sorry I'm late." I greeted them.

They all told me it was cool and we went shopping. Kelly didn't let on that anything was wrong, so I did the same. We browsed store to store, all finding different thing. I fell in love with a crystal grey sequin embellished dress from Bebe. Rocky found her dress as well. It was yellow and a little sheer and looked amazing on her body.

When we checked ourselves out in the mirror, Rocky turned to me.

"So I had an interesting call from Sammy Saturday night." She started.

"Disregard what she said." I told Rocky.

"I had to calm her down. She was ready to kick Jake's ass. What happened?" Rocky asked.

"It was really nothing. Jake and I are good and I talked to Sammy. Everything is fine. We worked it out."

"What did y'all have to work out?" Rocky and I both looked up to see Jasmine in a chain shoulder flowy dress leaving a fitting room.

"I like the Express dress better." I told her, dying for a subject change. I didn't even know she was trying on dresses. She was helping me pick out dresses cause she already bought the dress from Express.

"Me too. Now answer my question." Jasmine said.

"This is my understanding..." Rocky started. She told Jasmine exactly what happened. Even Omar calling me a homie hopper. I looked around to make sure Kelly wasn't around. By the end of the retelling, I was burning with shame. Jasmine looked absolutely mortified.

"Maleton!{Son of a bitch}" Jasmine muttered. She looked at me, hopefully. "You know why he's like that? Did he at least say he was sorry?"

I nodded and opened my mouth to speak, but Rocky cut me off.

"I was hoping Sammy was exaggerating, but I guess she wasn't. No offense, but I don't give a damn why he is that way. You deserve better." Rocky stated, looking away from Jasmine to me.

Jasmine looked crestfallen. "Lily, my brother loves you. I know he does. Just please, work with him." She said, pleading.

"I am." I reassured her. "But what do you mean by why he is that way? What don't I know?"

Jasmine sighed. "The next time you talk to him, ask him why his last relationship ended. It should be a girl name Cara. Make him tell you."

"I don't wanna force it. Especially before his birthday. It's gonna be awkward enough with his friends not liking me and everyone knowing we are having problems." I explained, tears welling up in my eyes.

Jasmine came over to me and gave me a hug. "Believe me, my brother is loyal to the people he loves, to a fault. They will not say anything out of line cause they know he won't tolerate that. Just focus on working on the two of you. Everything else will fall into place."

I nodded. I noticed Rocky was staying silent. We left shortly after we paid for our clothes. Kelly had found some cute accessories to go with her beaded pull over dress. I found some faux leather leggings and a red bandage skirt as well. I felt like I had enough to start planning my outfits.

I got home and started going through my clothes. I was putting together outfits for the trip when my phone rang. I answered it when I saw it was Jake.

"Hello?"

"If you don't wanna go to Vegas, just tell me now. I can give your ticket to someone else." Jake said, bluntly.

"What? I'm packing as we speak. Do you not want me to go? If you don't want me there, I won't go." I said, meekly.

"Didn't you tell Jasmine you felt uncomfortable going?" He asked.

"I did, because everyone knows we are having problems and your friends don't like me. But I told her I would get over it for you." I explained.

"Everyone wouldn't know about our problems if you didn't tell them. Why would you tell Jasmine?" He asked. I could tell by his clipped tone he was upset.

"I didn't. Rocky told Jasmine. Sammy told Rocky. That's the price of arguing in front of them." I said, weakly.

"I'm coming over. I'll be there in 15 minutes."

I put my clothes away and headed downstairs. He was there in less than 15 minutes. I quietly let him in.

"I want you to come with me. I want you to be with me, but I understand if you don't want to. Just let me know. Don't use them as an excuse. If you want out of this, I'll let you go." Jake told me.

Tears sprang and fell from my eyes. "I don't want out. I want us to work out, but sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right with you. I'm tired of fighting." I cried.

Jake closed the distance between us and held me in his arms.

"It's not you." Jake said. I looked up at him.

"Then what is it?" I asked, willing him to open up to me.

"My ex cheated on me. She swore up and down she didn't. I found out from the other guy that she did." Jake said. The bitterness and pain in his voice nipped at my heart. I held him closer.

"Jake, I'm sorry. I can't imagine what you felt like, but you have to trust me. I would never do that to you." I reassured him. "The only way we're going to work is if you give us a chance." I pleaded with him.

He nodded. "I don't have a choice. I don't wanna lose you."

"We said honesty, remember? As long as you're honest with me, you won't lose me. I love you." I replied.

"I love you too Lily."