Friday, May 2, 2014

You've Got To Hide Your Love Away

"Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall
If she's gone I can't go on
Feeling two foot small
Everywhere people stare
Each and every day
I can see them laugh at me
And I hear them say
Hey you've got to hide your love away" You've Got To Hide Your Love Away by The Beatles

***Flashback***

-Flashback: December 2011-

I sat holding EJ's hand in the hospital room. I kept going over and over all the signs I missed. I MAJORED in kinesiology. My dad spent all of my youth grooming me to go to med school and be a doctor. I was so glad I decided against that: I couldn't even diagnose asthma in a 4-year-old. Megan said he was getting over a cold when she dropped EJ off to go on a date with my brother Cameron. Nothing tipped me off to something more until he started wheezing and rubbing his chest. Now he laid in a hospital bed, sleeping, with an IV and a breathing mask.

My self-deprecating thoughts were interrupted as a man rushed to EJ's bedside. His face noticeably paled as he looked him over; A face that looked eerily like EJ's. A nurse followed him into the room.

"Are you his legal guardian?" The nurse asked him while overlooking EJ’s chart.

"Yes. I’m his dad." he answered. I felt my body tense in disgust at that half-truth. Maybe he was his biological father, but he sure didn’t act like a dad.

"Your child has been diagnosed with asthma. He suffered an asthma attack, but the medicine and oxygen are doing their job. A doctor will be in shortly to talk to you. Is his mother still on her way?"

"Yes. She should be here soon." I answered. She nodded and left the room.

"Where is Megan?" EJ’s “dad” asked me.

His cold tone threw me off. "On her way." I answered briefly, matching his tone. The last time I talked to my brother, they were leaving his apartment and heading back to Dallas. It was a 30-minute drive, but I was sure traffic and hospital traffic was the reason they hadn’t arrived yet.

"Who are you?” He asked, finally looking over at me. “Why wasn't Megan with my son?"

"I’m his babysitter.” I crossed my arms, pissed at his line of questioning. He had no right to ask questions, considering he wasn’t in his son’s life enough to know who watched him. “She deserves a break every now and again- being a full-time working mom is hard when a man abandons his son." I answered sharply, barely containing my abhorrence. I noticed him grimaced before his face became emotionlessly. I gave myself a mentally pat on the back. Served him right- he deserved to be shamed, and more.

Just then, Megan raced in the room. I quickly stood to let her sit by her son. "Oh EJ." She gasped. I noticed she flinched when she looked over at EJ's dad. I could not believe he had the nerve to be upset with her....

"What happened?" Megan asked, sitting down, turning away from Ethan to me.

"He had an asthma attack while we were playing hid and seek." I answered.

"Oh god." she moaned.

"Megan-"EJ’s dad started.

"Can I find out what's wrong with my son please?" She sobbed, refusing to look at him. I looked between the two of them, totally confused by their dynamic.

"Well, thankfully the babysitter had the common sense to bring him to the ER. God knows what would have happened if it was another one of your friends. I'm trying to understand why you hired a babysitter to go Christmas shopping." He questioned her.

In the moment, I realized what was going on. I felt my eyes widen as she shot me a quick, guilty glance. 

This little-

I couldn't finish my thought because my brother Cam came into the room. He immediately went to Megan’s side as all eyes focused on him.

"Where were you Megan?" Ethan asked her softly. Something in his tone and the way he was looking at her broke my heart- it was a mixture of disbelief, anger and a tiny bit of hope that she a good explanation for her lies. I knew the situation was hopeless- I hopped up and grabbed Cam's arm.

"We need to go. Now." I said, sharply pulling on his arm.

"What? No. I'm not leaving them alone." Cam said, protectively, shaking me away.

“Cam-“ I begged on death ears.

"No stay." Ethan demanded, harshly. He looked at me and my brother coldly. "If my fiancée wants you here, you should stay."

 

***Present***

 

My phone rang, bringing me out of my trip down memory lane. The conversation I had with Ethan reminded me of my first conversation with him: awkward, confusing, and full of deception. Only now I was the one telling lies. I knew that I wanted to be a part of Ethan's life too, not just EJ's. I grabbed my phone and saw it was Rocky calling me.

"What's up Rocky?" I answered,

"Hey girlie. Where you at?" She says cheerfully.

"On my way back to your house. I just left Ethan's." I said, holding the phone between my head and shoulder as I drove.

"I just got off work. Meet me at Fuzzy's. I wanna hear all about it before Brandon gets home." She exclaimed.

"Alright. I'm on my way." I smiled.

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